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pre-divorce and legal question


Sahra

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Well it finally happened, he wants to move out. It is not coming as a surprise. Lately increasingly I felt taken advantage off and unappreciated and he - ignored and unappreciated. It didn't appear that either one of us wants to change. It is sad and i don't want divorce but something in our lives have to change because I don't feel happy and I can't make him happy.

Here comes the question-

He come into marriage with some collectible items and bought more during our marriage. Some of the items are worth considerable money. Now he wants to sell them before moving out. For past 4 years I have been the sole provider and he haven't had a job. As we live in equitable distribution state i am afraid the divorce judge will make me pay spousal support. I barely can support both of us, I can't afford spousal support. So should I try to prevent him from selling collectibles and hope for getting a part of them in divorce, or all of the collectibles are his and there is nothing I can do?

I don't want to sound greedy but but I have supported this man for several years and i am tired of it. He is able to work but chooses not too. Our lives are not going anywhere. I don't want to grow old with a person who doesn't have plans for the future or any wish to try to make our lives better.

Sorry that my story is so scrambled. I am just too emotional right now.

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In my experience in dealing with marital dissolution consent decrees I've noticed that spousal maintenance and the equitable distribution are separate issues.

 

The alimony issue is going to be based on your local family court formula and really can't be resolved by anyone on the internet. You may try to Google your state's parameters on this to get a rough estimate.

 

Now the equitable distribution is pretty complex since most divorcees take what they brought into the marriage before the wedding, unless the community revenue paid for the maintenance of debt assumed by the pre-marriage investment, and then the judge may decide what's a fair pro-rated award for each party. Did he pay for the pre-marriage collectibles' maintenance from your joint accounts? Did he buy post marriage collectibles from with the money in the joint accounts? These are questions that you need to research with a family law attorney so you can best protect yourself during this trying times.

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Fortunate One is dead on. The spousal maintenance varies so widely that you just never know. And it can vary by judge too. Some judges almost never award it. Others do at the drop of a hat. It is very discretionary.

 

One likely factor is the length of the marriage. In short marriages there is less of a chance of maintenance being awarded. And if it is they generally make it temporary (barring something like total disability of one spouse).

 

When you say equitable distribution state do you mean a Community Property state? Because that does make a big difference.

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Fortunate One is dead on. The spousal maintenance varies so widely that you just never know. And it can vary by judge too. Some judges almost never award it. Others do at the drop of a hat. It is very discretionary.

 

One likely factor is the length of the marriage. In short marriages there is less of a chance of maintenance being awarded. And if it is they generally make it temporary (barring something like total disability of one spouse).

 

When you say equitable distribution state do you mean a Community Property state? Because that does make a big difference.

 

Thank you for your answer, Avman and Fortunate One.

It is not Community Property state and it is 8 years of marriage. I will have to do more research or take a chance. I can't afford attorney.

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I understand. That's where sometimes a mediator can help. They aren't emotionally involved so they can try to stick to the meat of the issues and guide both people towards a resolution. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. But it seems like it might be a reasonable solution to try in your case.

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This is the big issues... How can you rationally settle this with out the emotional vindictive envy of what the other got? It may be cheaper to seek an independent third party to sort through this issue. Have you considered a family therapist to bring down the hurt emotions before you settle too?

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This is the big issues... How can you rationally settle this with out the emotional vindictive envy of what the other got? It may be cheaper to seek an independent third party to sort through this issue. Have you considered a family therapist to bring down the hurt emotions before you settle too?

 

Yes, you are right! Councelling would help. Heck, it might even save our marriage. Unfortunately he is stubborn "know it all" and says that he doesn't believe in councelling. i really don't want his stuff. I just don't want after divorce to have less than i have right now, if it is possible. Maybe when the thought that we are really getting divorce will "sink in" it will be easier to talk and get to mutual agreement.

Thank you both for your help.

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