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Getting Married.


Moz

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For those of you that have, or are considering it, what, for you would be valid reasons for marriage?

 

For legal, social, and economic stability; the formation of a family unit?

 

Procreation and the education and nurturing of children?

 

Legitimizing se xual relations?

 

Or to fulfill religious obligations; public declaration of love or to obtain citizenship.

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Because we love and are committed to each other, we wanted to make a lifelong marital commitment, we believe in the institution of marriage, we are ready to start a family and believe that it's best if parents are married to each other. We would not have gotten back together if marriage had not been our mutual goal.

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In my opinion and case, the main reason to get married is because of the love between me and my wife. We complete each other and wanted/plan on spending the rest of our lives together.

 

Another reason, again in my opinion, is to avoid having to raise a child out of wedlock.

 

So to sum it up: Exactly what Batya said!

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I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and was commited to do all I could to make that happen before we got married. Marriage didn't change that. My husband is much more traditional than I and wanted to get married before we bought a house, had a family, etc. so that is the reason I got married. It's not at all that I didn't want to, It's just not something I feel I had to do. Im pretty excited about it though. It's a great feeling.

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I've seen many examples where love is not enough to sustain a marriage.

 

Then there wasn't true love to begin with on both sides. If you truly love someone, and they have the same love, then there is no obstacle that can't be overcome. Compromise will come into play, but it will be natural because you want your partner to be happy, so you will make the sacrifice.

 

My wife and I have been through A LOT over the years (usually my fault!) but we are still madly in love with each other and still make daily sacrifices for each other. Pure love is enough to sustain a marriage.

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I've seen many examples where love is not enough to sustain a marriage.

 

Well, obviously, but what I was trying to say was that I wouldn't marry due to social/economic pressures or anything like that. If and when I marry someone, I want to do so because I want to spend the rest of my life together. Not because I depend on them for whatever else. I don't want to offend anyone, that's not my point, it was just my opinion.

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Well, obviously, but what I was trying to say was that I wouldn't marry due to social/economic pressures or anything like that. If and when I marry someone, I want to do so because I want to spend the rest of my life together. Not because I depend on them for whatever else. I don't want to offend anyone, that's not my point, it was just my opinion.

 

My comment was just that, a comment. I completely agree with you.

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Then there wasn't true love to begin with on both sides. If you truly love someone, and they have the same love, then there is no obstacle that can't be overcome. Compromise will come into play, but it will be natural because you want your partner to be happy, so you will make the sacrifice.

 

My wife and I have been through A LOT over the years (usually my fault!) but we are still madly in love with each other and still make daily sacrifices for each other. Pure love is enough to sustain a marriage.

 

Yeah, my grandparents had an arranged marriage in Italy, and built a love and bond so strong, I don't think there's anything the other could do to make the other want to leave or stop loving them. THAT is what I believe marriage should be founded on. UNCONDITIONAL, pure, honest love. I rest my case.

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First and foremost, we are committed to each other and marriage will even further "solidify" that commitment. We already live together and support each other (whether financially, emotionally or otherwise) and we know that we want things to stay that way. Marriage is something we can give to each other, a sort of assurance that we plan (both of us) to continue to love, support and care for one another, even when there are disagreements. We make a great team. So for us I guess it is mostly the "formation of a family unit." Finances are something we work on together, and I think it does make financial sense to stay together...but that is not the motivating factor.

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Then there wasn't true love to begin with on both sides. If you truly love someone, and they have the same love, then there is no obstacle that can't be overcome. Compromise will come into play, but it will be natural because you want your partner to be happy, so you will make the sacrifice.

 

My wife and I have been through A LOT over the years (usually my fault!) but we are still madly in love with each other and still make daily sacrifices for each other. Pure love is enough to sustain a marriage.

 

I completely disagree and I have a great deal of company and authoritative research to back up my opinion. For example, if I were madly in love I would still probably divorce my husband if he cheated, abused me, became addicted to drugs in a way that was dangerous to my life/safety, engaged in criminal activity etc. You can argue that that would mean he didn't love me enough but especially with addictions or mental imbalances that can be something the person can't control, or where love is not enough to overcome that type of issue.

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I want to add that it feels completely natural and this...

 

My sister I were talking and she said something like this, "When you choose a life partner, you have chosen your teacher. Being bound by marriage forces you to work through things you might normally choose to run away from or give up on. When you never deal with those things, you just end up running in to the same problems again and you never learn. By facing these things, you learn so much about yourself and have a much greater understanding of what it means to grow as a person and with someone else."

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I completely disagree and I have a great deal of company and authoritative research to back up my opinion. For example, if I were madly in love I would still probably divorce my husband if he cheated, abused me, became addicted to drugs in a way that was dangerous to my life/safety, engaged in criminal activity etc. You can argue that that would mean he didn't love me enough but especially with addictions or mental imbalances that can be something the person can't control, or where love is not enough to overcome that type of issue.

 

I will give you mental imbalances - but the rest I disagree with.

 

Using your examples: drugs, criminal activity, cheating, abuse of any kind (physical/mental/emotional) and addictions are all things that if he loved you he would not get involved in and risk your life/safety/financial stability/marriage/etc.

 

On the mental imbalances I would even say that if you loved the person enough, wouldn't you stick with them and get them the help they need?

 

Obviously, there is an exception to everything and nothing can be as clear cut and black and white, but I think that if we talk in generalities, then we can agree.

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I want to add that it feels completely natural and this...

 

My sister I were talking and she said something like this, "When you choose a life partner, you have chosen your teacher. Being bound by marriage forces you to work through things you might normally choose to run away from or give up on. When you never deal with those things, you just end up running in to the same problems again and you never learn. By facing these things, you learn so much about yourself and have a much greater understanding of what it means to grow as a person and with someone else."

 

and in most cases, your marriage will continue to grow as well.

 

(You sister is very wise!)

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I will give you mental imbalances - but the rest I disagree with.

 

Using your examples: drugs, criminal activity, cheating, abuse of any kind (physical/mental/emotional) and addictions are all things that if he loved you he would not get involved in and risk your life/safety/financial stability/marriage/etc.

 

On the mental imbalances I would even say that if you loved the person enough, wouldn't you stick with them and get them the help they need?

 

Obviously, there is an exception to everything and nothing can be as clear cut and black and white, but I think that if we talk in generalities, then we can agree.

 

No, I would not stay in a marriage where I was being physically abused by a drug addict, especially if there were kids involved. I do not agree from what I know and have learned about addiction that love is enough to make a choice not to get addicted. I also think there are far less extreme examples of situations where love is not enough to sustain a marriage - and many of those examples given by professionals (i.e. psychiatrists, therapists, marriage counselors, etc.)

 

When we went for required premarital counseling with the religious figure who married us he said "I am not going to ask if you love each other because that is not the relevant question - I want to know if you like hanging out with each other". I found that question - and the concept behind it - brilliant. (one of his reasons was because basically all couples would answer "yes we love each other" but to him that wasn't the relevant information for a happy marriage).

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For those of you that have, or are considering it, what, for you would be valid reasons for marriage?

For legal, social, and economic stability; the formation of a family unit?

 

Procreation and the education and nurturing of children?

 

Legitimizing se xual relations?

 

Or to fulfill religious obligations; public declaration of love or to obtain citizenship.

 

Love.....

 

When I got married- I had no plans of having kids, I made my own money, and already had stability.

 

Wanting my husband in my life forever because I loved him, was my main motivation to get married.

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