Whats She Doing??

[maduro]

This is kinda a two question post, I just want to get peoples opinions about all of this.

 

Just a little background :

 

I've been dating a girl for around 2 months now, shes a bit younger that me 22 / I'm 28. We've been getting on really well. There have been a few little problems, this has been mainly due to her finding it hard to trust. She also gets down pretty easily. She has been messed around a lot in the past so finds it hard to believe I'm not just going to up and leave her. I do know whats happened with her ex's so it I do understand why shes like this so thats not really the problem.

 

Anyway the other night she send me a text saying that an ex had contacted her after he found out she was dating me. Telling her he still loved her and wanted her to move back with him. She said she was feeling low at the time and had considered doing it because she felt I could do so much better.. She said she wanted to tell me because she didn't want there to be any lies or secrets between us. I asked her what she meant by me doing so much better than her and if it was definitely me she wanted as I didn't want to get hurt. To this she said it was because she gets low and depressed easily and finds it hard letting go of her past. But she loved me so much thats why she had to tell me and defiantly wanted to be with me.

 

I spoke to a friend and his girlfriend about this, but they we're a bit miffed. They were saying maybe shes just testing you to see what your reaction was. If this was the case what was she testing me for?? The other thing they did say was maybe she was trying to get me to dump her. I can understand this, because one of her problems is she tries to be everyones friend including ex's (even the ones that treated her like c**p). This would be a guilt free way for her to break up.

 

The only reason thats making me doubt the second one, is afterwards she started taking again about how she doesn't want us to be apart and if we had own place it would stop anyone getting between us. This wasn't really a surprise as I had already mentioned how i wanted to move out of where I'm currently living (currently in a house share) and how much I hate we have no privacy. But on the other hand I get the impression she is just saying what she thinks I want to hear..

 

Can anyone shed any light on what's shes doing here? Is there some other motive behind this or did she just want to be honest?

 

The consequence of her sending me this text, is I've lost trust in her. While I appreciate her being so honest with me its still made me loose trust. She keeps in contact with a lot of her ex's and guys on Facebook. Normally this wouldn't bother me too much, because I wouldn't let her tell me who I can and can't speak to. But now, I feel whats going to stop her running to her ex or whatever when we have a problem.. How do I bring this up with her? Do I tell her I don't want her to have contact with them? I've NEVER felt I've had to do this with any of my ex's. I don't really want to have to do it with her either..

 

HELP

[metallica19]

Reassure her that you wont leave her and that she is worth it.

I had a bad break up before I met my current b/f.

I said similiar things like you could do better and so on but he told me how amazing i was and how lucky he was to have me and now I am completely open and trusting.

 

I hope that kinda helps

[maduro]

I do all the time.. I've told her so many times I'm not going anywhere. Even her sisters (who I known for years) tell her how good a guy she's got and he won't cheat on you.

 

She does tell me she knows I'm not about leave. But she says, she has to keep telling herself I'm not like the others.

 

She is really open with me and says how she's surprised herself how quickly she has been able to open up to me.

 

Do you think its just a trust thing then? Is she just seeing how I would react to it?

[metallica19]

yes she has trust issues

I doubt she is just trying to see how you react considering I would think that was crazy

In time she will no longer have those issues you have only been together for 2 months

It was over a year before my boyfriend opened up completely and barred his soul to me.

Time will tell as long as you reassure her of your feelings then she will get over it.

Say little things that will make her feel special everyday.

The littlest things make women happy

I know you make her happy but give little extra things that will make her feel special

 

I would suggest a promise ring i don't know how you feel about that considering its only been a couple of months.

 

Me and my boyfriend bought promise ring for christmas they are celtic and we wear them on our wedding finger.

 

Even though we aren't married I feel good knowing that when he goes in public women see that and back off and also it's a sign that he is committed to me.

[Maya_A]

she started talking again about how she doesn't want us to be apart and if we had own place it would stop anyone getting between us.

 

I think maybe the whole thing might have been about that part of things.... Maybe related to some insecurities that you really want to move in with her. I find it "strange" that she tells you the ex boyfriend offers to want to move back in with her & then she says if you & she move in it would stop anyone else (the ex) from getting between you two...