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My B/f's daughter


metallica19

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I have been with my b/f for over a year and love him to death but there is one problem that has been bothering me lately.

His daughter she is 6 and very disresectful.

My b/f tells me to correct her if she does something wrong and I do but i guess I'm to nice b/c she pretty much ignores me.

I know she adores me but when it comes to listening she does it to everyone but mostley to me.

The other day I was at his parent's house and he had her for the weekend.

His sister just had a baby and the family was over to see him.

His sister also has a 1 1/2 year old daughter and my b/f daughter lets call he D was running around picking her up and doing flips in and out of her crib and I told her to stop b/c His sister kid does what she does. I dont his sis to get hurt and I think D does it on perpouse to get attention. Also she picked her up and threw her on the bed and i yelled at her. She jumps on the bed and so does the baby and I yell at her b/c the baby can get hurt but she ignores me.

Im getting so fed up!

My b/f stepped out for a second and asked me to make sure she does her homework. Of course I tell her to and she says she doesn't ahve a pencil so I give her one and she says it's to plain(As in it was all red)

I said oh well get it done of course she ignored me and Im just SO FED UP!

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I can see where your frustration comes from. Though, I would recommend you try to be patient with your b/f's daughter. It is actually very difficult for kids to accept new members in their household. I say that you should bring this problem up with your b/f. The problem here is not to blame on her misconducts but to figure out a better way to influence her behavior. I can see down the road that you have to shell out a lot of time to influence her, to show that you care for her, and that you are not simply older and easy to criticize her.

You should ask yourself whether you want to go down that path, and willing to challenge yourself to convince this kid that you can be a possible mother. I know the answer may not be a simple yes or no, but its a good way to start.

I should also mention that you should look for help too. Your b/f can be a big help!!

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Thank you i have said things to my b/f and he corrects her and ask's why she doesn't listen.

She is the way she is b/c her mother gives her whatever she wants

litterally

 

 

To keep her from throwing a fit she gives her what she wants.

If she doesn't like what her mom made for dinner she will make her something different.

My boyfriend is trying to break the cycle.

Her mother let's her do what she want's but when she is bad and really acting out she calls my b/f and say we need to do something blah blah, but never follows through.

My boyfriend on the other hand is hard with her. If she doesn't want to eat what was made for her then she doesn't eat. If she throw's a fit he let's her whine and cry but doesn't give her what she want's.

I love he and when she isn't being a brat we have ton's of fun. We always take her to park's in the summer and canoing on the river. We take her bowling and for christmas I took her to build a bear and let her pick out a bear and everything.

I don't want her to see me as a mean person I'm not. Not once have I been mean to her or anything. I'm to nice I think I correct her but I'm nice about it I don't yell.

I try to explain the reason why I am correcting her.

I am also very patient but sometimes it just makes me so mad how she can be so blantley disrespectful and I just have to walk away.

 

When she is good we have a blast.

When I was a kid I could not talk back or I got hit.

I did not disrespect my parent's or adult's and it's a shame b/c her mom can't deal with her but she is the reason the child is the way she is.

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Of course there is a reason why she acts this way, but a child is quick to learn if we provide something they can grasp with their tiny minds. Being "too nice" or being "too mean" is not how I would look at this situation. You can show her about moral conducts through whatever means you want (movies, games, books...etc)..and then ask her what she thinks a "good girl" should be. By asking her, you will make her think about her actions. But if you keep on telling her what "she should be doing" and blah blah blah...then she can ignore and reject you. There are many methods to influence and curve her behaviors because she is still growing and learning. It is obvious that she takes alot of things for granted and she is lucky to have loving and caring people around her. I just hope that she will see what she has now and not when she loses.

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thank you Im doing my best lol

but Im only 19, and I am afraid that she will hate me even though I have been in her life for over a year.

Like I said I do my best to explain to her why she should not do certain things(Like around my b/f sister daughter)

Like I said I was raised completely diff and would raise my own child the same way I was raised.

I am not her mother and in no way do I try to be. That kinds sounds wrong but I want her to see me as a friend and not another mother figure b/c she has I think to many. Her mother lives with her parent's and they baby her. My b/f also lives with his parent's and they baby her sometimes but don't put up with her bull like her mother's family.

 

Thank you for the suggestion.

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I am actually very surprised that you are only 19. You sound like you know what you want to do and I applause you for that. However, you were raised with corporal punishment, I just hope you don't follow the same system with the kids because not every kid would turn up "nice." They tend to be more violent, if not aggressive and ill tempered. I think you are doing a great job so far, lol keep up with the good work!!

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Oh wow you just described me and a teen! I was very horrible after my family moved. I went from a small town where I knew everyone to a big school at 12 I hated everything I went through a big rebel stage. They didnt beat me or anything but I got smacked on the butt. It made me who I am now even thought Im outspoken I have respect and always show it to people. Thats how I want to raise my own children to have respect.

 

But I didn't rebel until we moved before that I was a straight A student and a very nice kid and my bro is the same way.

 

But everything they tough me has made me the way i am I wasn't the perfect kid I made big mistakes but learned from them.

 

I did tipical teen stuff.

 

Even though Im only 19 my mother always told me the only way to get ahed is through an education and never settle for anything less in life then what I want. I would raise my own kids that way. Never make them feel stupid but encourage them the way I was

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Children, esp at the age you are talking about, have to learn about consequences. What are the consequences for ignoring what you tell her? You can "correct" her all day long and it will not make any difference if you do not follow up.

 

You do sound very mature for a 19 year old, but if you are going to be in the position of being her "stepmother" than you need to accept that position completely (It sounds like you do.) You are not her friend, her buddy, her equal. You are the parent and you make the decisions and you hand out the rewards and the consequences.

 

Children always will push the boundaries and as parents it is our responsibilities to "enforce" those boundaries and not let the child move them. It sounds like you have your boyfriends support, but I would sit down and talk to him and make sure you are both on the same page. One parent can not ignore or allow an action (whatever that action might be) while the other parent is constantly enforcing/correcting. This is difficult in a divorced parent situation, but the daughter can quickly learn what is acceptable at Mom's house is NOT acceptable at Daddy and metallica19's house.

 

Finally, don't be fooled. A 6 year old is smarter than you might think and will try and push the boundaries and manipulate you more than you might realize.

 

Good luck, be strong, and be consistent.

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yes she is very smart and knows how to get what she wants. I'm still kinda new to this and I know my boyfriend want's me to be in her life and I am but I'm still reserved when it comes to punishment's.

She isn't my daughter and I Kinda feel like I am overstepping when it comes to punishing her. If that makes any sense and his ex will look for any reason to call and B**ch to my boyfriend and I don't want to cause problem's. Though she would be a hipocrite b/c she brought a horrible man into her kid's life and had damaged her.

(She witnessed him hit her many times when she was like 3)

She got out of that relationship but I don't want her to have any more reason's to hate my b/f even though she was the one who cheated on him.

 

I know his daughter would turn around and say I was mean and her mom would call my b/f and freak out she has a habit of doing it for no reason.

 

In time she will respect me I'm sure but like I said I'm kinda new to this and I'm trying my hardest and having your opinion's makes me a better parental figure b/c I will deff take all the advice and put it to good use

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Well just like your boyfriend has to stand up for you with his daughter, he will have to standup for you with his ex wife.

 

To not parent because you are afraid of causing problems between you boyfriend and his exwife is not a wise thing to do. Again, you should talk to you boyfriend and make sure that everyone is on the same page - the exwife included. Even if she doesn't agree, she should be made aware that you will be handing out consequesnces when appropriate (if that's what you and your boyfriend decide.)

 

Again, good luck.

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Lately when she doesn't listen I told him and he asked her why she wasn't listening and told her she had to listen to me.

The thing is that after a day of being with her father she listen's but then goes back to her mother's and everything unravels when she comes back he once again has to get her in line.

 

He has tried but he can't make her mom change she is gonna do what she want's so unfortunitally when she get's older her mother is going to have one hell of a problem.

If she doesn't listen now she never will.

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Even if the mother does not change, your daughter can quickly learn that there are two sets of rules. One at you house and one at Moms house. If you are consistant, it won't take as long each time she comes back from her Mom's to "fall back in line."

 

You can do it. Like I said, you do sound very mature and you do have the child's best interest in heart.

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You have to not only punish her bad behaviors and mean it, but also reward good behaviors. Also, when you are punishing them for doing something wrong, you need to sit them down and explain to them why they are being punished. Listen to them as well but be firm. Stick to your punishment as well. Do not let her talk or whine her way out. The more she refuses to listen the more you demand that she does.

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