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Hi all,

 

I notice all over the break up forums, but particularly in the Getting Back Together forum, that a lot of people have a really hard time with the idea of letting go of their exes. I totally understand this, it's probably been my biggest struggle in the past 5 months since my break up, and especially when you want someone back, it seems so counter intuitive to let go. But we all know that this is the first step to healing, and healing is important whether we are trying to move on and never look back, or hoping for reconciliation. So I thought I'd post something I read at another message board that really helped me when I was having difficulty letting go. It's from a message board dealing with the issues faced by those of us who've been in relationships with depressed significant others, but I think it applies in a lot of situations.

 

To Let Go Takes Love

 

1. To let go does not mean to stop caring. It means I cant do it for someone else.

 

2. To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

 

3. To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

 

4. To let go is not to care for, but to care about.

 

5. To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be him or herself.

 

6. To let go is not to be in the middle, arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to determine their own destinies.

 

7. To let go is not to be less protective; it is to permit another to face reality.

 

8. To let go is not to dominate, but to be willing to let things happen.

 

9. To let go is not to betray the past, but to have faith in the future.

 

10. To let go means to fear less, and love more.

 

 

I hope some of you might find this helpful. I know I did it.

 

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So you are suggesting I tell her that we shouldn't see each other again?

 

No, not at all. I think letting go is really just about not trying to constantly figure out what you can do to fix things, how to make it better, how to get the other person to do what you think he or she should do. You don't really seem to do any of that to begin with. It seems from your posts (I haven't had a chance to respond to the most recent one, but I read it and I will) that you've actually got this concept down pretty well.

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