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First Date Sex


HockeyFan
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What does that say about a girl?

Especially if you meet a girl through a system like E-Harmony, which isn't a site that's used for 'one night stands'.....

 

I'm not the type of guy to have sex on a first date, but I liked this girl - and because of that, I followed her to her bedroom. Her comment when I had the condom in my hand "Hurry before I'm not in the mood anymore"....that ruined it for me. There was no way I was achieving more than half an erection, and we attempted some pretty sloppy sex which was interrupted and we stopped.

 

We both had a lot to drink that night, but that's only ever an excuse.

She apologized for throwing herself at me, she was embarrassed about that - I told her not to be. I explained that I followed her downstairs to her bedroom beceause I do like her - but got the impression from some comments that were said that we're not on the same page.

 

Her reply was that things were up in the air for her right now, that she's not happy here in this city and is looking for someone who might want to move elsewhere - and knowing my situation here, I probably wouldn't do that willingly. Now please, I've heard some pretty pathetic blow offs before - but this one was ridiculous.

 

I guess part of me wishes that was the case, that she doesn't want to get more serious because she might be leaving the city - but shouldn't that be clear from the start?

 

I'm just surprsied that I met someone like this - through E-Harmony. I'm having my doubts about that site now.

 

So ladies - how many of you have had sex (initiated it) on a first date - and how many of those times was it because you were simply attracted to the guy but knew you were not interested in anything further? What kind of woman treats a guy like that - when she knows the guy is not looking for that, or is that type?

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So ladies - how many of you have had sex (initiated it) on a first date - and how many of those times was it because you were simply attracted to the guy but knew you were not interested in anything further? What kind of woman treats a guy like that - when she knows the guy is not looking for that, or is that type?

 

I never have or would initiate sex on a first date, so I can't answer those questions. but in response to the second question: what kind of a woman treats a guy like that? The same as the kind of guy who would treat a woman like that. A selfish one.

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I only had sex on a first date once...but that was after 3 months of emailing, 6 months of talking on the phone etc, so we were already in a long distance relationship before meeting. In retrospect i should have waited even then = but I lived and I learned. We actually ended up getting married, but looking back I think if I hadn't allowed it, and made him wait a bit we would either not have ended up together only for it to end in divorce which it did, or it would have been a better relationship because we would have gotten to know eachother first. I never did it ever again and won't rush into things that quickly again.

 

I know you think e harmony is not about one night stands, but based on how long the two of you communicated before you actually met, etc, she may have gotten more attached to the idea of you or was more attracted to you than she should have been. What I mean is, she was attracted to you at the level she would have been as she got to know you, versus a first date level of attraction.

 

But then again, liquid courage does a lot of things.

 

I have to say that there are two sides to a situation like this. Just like it is up to the girl to say "hold on, its too soon" to a guy who would act like that on a first date, it is also up to the guy to be a gentleman and notice that the lady is a little tipsy. (i am not slamming people who have had first date sex...but I am just saying.. it takes two to tango)

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And I agree with you completely, abitbroken.

Like I said, I liked her - and was interested in her - this wasn't going to be a one night stand for me, I respected her. I felt a chemistry when we kissed. When we got to her room, she asked if I had a condom - and I said I didn't. I kissed her again, and told her there was no rush to do this - that we both had a lot to drink, that I liked her - we didn't have to do this now. Her response: Dead Silence. We just continued making out, then ended up lying on her bed.

 

I should have known then - and I admit I was stupid to not have just left. 20-20 hindsight. If I had that night back, when she handed the condom to me and said to Hurry Up before she's not in the mood anymore....I should have dropped the condom on her night table, got dressed and said she's got the wrong guy...and walked out. I thought about doing that when i was lying there next to her - and I deserve to feel rejected and suffer now for now listening to my gut instinct.

 

I guess I'm just venting because I liked this girl. We only talked in E-Mail for a week, 6 days...and I suggested we meet soon because you have to meet face to face to determine if there will be anything happening between us.

 

Her email said she would like to get together, take our dogs to the dog park - no alcohol involved. I would like to believe she's sincere - but I don't think I'll ever hear from her again. I told her sure, to give me a call sometime and we'll go to the dog park...left it at that.

 

I feel so used.... lol

When I was 20 that was fine - but I'm 35 now, and looking for something real/serious/meaningful.....so I stay away from women like this. She duped me though...

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What does that say about a girl?

 

Excuse me, but what a ridiculous question. Did you not have sex on your first date as well?? What does that say about you? Why are women held to these silly double standards when it comes to dating and sex? I think what it says about her, is that she was attracted to you and wanted to have sex - there's your answer.

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I have a sneaking suspicion that her eagerness and pushiness to jump into bed might have to do with a recently failed relationship and she is trying to prove something to herself and to her recent ex. Since you were ready and willing and didn't say no, you are not in any position to judge her character unless you are willing to judge your character as well.

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EHarmony is not any deterrent to someone who is looking for sex. They might have better screening but there is no way that you can blame this incident on the site. Anyone can join and say whatever they want in the process.

 

I'd just let this one go and chalk it up to a value conflict. She might have, as suggested, just gotten out of a relationship or was just horny and looking for a quick one night stand and nothing more.

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I think this is rather trollish for a guy to be complaining that a girl made sexual advances on him when they both got drunk and they both isolated themselves together where anything could happen.

 

So, don't drink with a girl to get drunk and go to her place isolated for the first date. Just like, if you cant swim, I'd advise you not to dive into a lake.

 

Hey, kudos to you, you got laid - you scored with a chick on the first date.

Just check with the doctor to make sure you don't have herpes since they can pass through the skin that is not covered by the condom, hopefully you should be okay.

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I only had sex on a first date once...but that was after 3 months of emailing, 6 months of talking on the phone etc, so we were already in a long distance relationship before meeting.

 

Well it was like that for me with my ex and my current boyfriend. My ex and I lasted two and a half years and we broke up because I felt I loved him more as a friend now. With my current boyfriend things are going great. I wouldn't sleep with a stranger but I don't think that if you've been in contact for months and months it counts as first date sex really.

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it is the woman's job to say no....men can't

 

I'm sorry but that is a load of s***! You need to learn some self control and if you actually had a bit of respect for the girl and you thought she was in a compromising situation then you would say no.

 

 

HockeyFan I think crazyaboutdogs might be on to something when saying she may have just gotten out of a relationship and needed to prove something, especially considering what she said about hurrying up. Chalk it up to experience and move on.

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I followed her to her room because I was very attracted to her, neither of us were intoxicated to the point that we couldn't make rational decisions. We didn't just have sex, having a condom first was on both our minds. I didn't follow her with a condom in my hand - I didn't have one on me, that's not the way I think on a first date - she dug through her stuff to find one.

 

I guess I'm trying to justify everything for myself because I've dated a lot, and felt something really special with this girl. At the end of the day, it wasn't anything more to her than a one night fling - she wasn't lookign for more - and that's just something I have to accept.

 

Yes, high five to me - I got laid on the first date. But that's not what I wanted - I wanted to be with her...not just because of sex...because I really liked her, respected her and I followed her to her bedroom because It hought we both felt the same way about each other. I thought I would see her again - I thought this wasn't the end of things - I obviously think too much!!!

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HockeyFan I think crazyaboutdogs might be on to something when saying she may have just gotten out of a relationship and needed to prove something, especially considering what she said about hurrying up. Chalk it up to experience and move on.

 

I agree with this. It's like a dam that's sprung a leak - she probably felt the need to fill that hole with something before the dam broke completely.

 

Poor choice of words, sorry. It was the first analogy that popped up. Darn...did it again.

 

But seriously, you can't judge if you partook.

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it is the woman's job to say no....men can't

 

By my experience, this is very true. First time both of the women I've slept with tried to sleep with me, neither understood when I said I wasn't comfortable with it. One got upset, the other guilted me into going for it.

 

Then again, my experience hasn't consisted of more than two women, so I highly doubt that's the case all around.

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We didn't just have sex, having a condom first was on both our minds.

 

You should still get tested as a precaution. If this is a wild girl, then chances are she has an STD or herpes. For someone to coax you into a one-night stand like this seems to me she's a very, very loose type of girl and may do this with lots of guys. The only way to be sure is if you knew from her own blood tests she has no STDs. That would be the first thing on MY mind after a one night stand like that if I'm not sure about who I slept with.

 

I didn't follow her with a condom in my hand - I didn't have one on me, that's not the way I think on a first date - she dug through her stuff to find one.

 

But you still drank with her and went into an isolated place with her. It would be too naive of you to be understandable not to think that something like this could have potentially happened.

 

I guess I'm trying to justify everything for myself because I've dated a lot, and felt something really special with this girl. At the end of the day, it wasn't anything more to her than a one night fling - she wasn't lookign for more - and that's just something I have to accept.

 

Well, don't you think getting laid is better than being strung along and being friendzoned? Suppose you just got a hug. Lots of times you get a first date and guess what - nothing happens - I still don't see what you are complaining about. Would you have preferred everything just ended in a cold handshake somewhere and that was the end of her? What I'm saying is that sounds like an AMAZING outcome for a first and last date.

 

Yes, high five to me - I got laid on the first date. But that's not what I wanted - I wanted to be with her...not just because of sex...because I really liked her, respected her and I followed her to her bedroom because It hought we both felt the same way about each other.

 

Whatever, dude.

 

I thought I would see her again - I thought this wasn't the end of things - I obviously think too much!!!

 

I guess other guys she slept with may be saying the same thing. It almost seems like you got used by her and she seduced you and dumped you when she was through.

 

However, isn't that a more amazing result than if you meet and you had no chemistry and you couldn't wait to just get rid of each other?

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I have a sneaking suspicion that her eagerness and pushiness to jump into bed might have to do with a recently failed relationship and she is trying to prove something to herself and to her recent ex. Since you were ready and willing and didn't say no, you are not in any position to judge her character unless you are willing to judge your character as well.

 

Agree, but don't see where HF was judging her about the willingness for sex, but rather her acting weird. Have been in this exact same situation, there are lots of crazy types that run onto dating sites, no matter which one, to self-medicate with sex, avoid them. And it's not at all about her willingness to have sex, but the underlying obvious baggage.

 

And to those who say "you were a willing participant so no right to judge" hogwash. A woman can get sex whenever she wants at the drop of a hat. A man may have to approach 10 women just to get a DATE, so the "you were there too" argument that I see lots here on ENA is completely bogus and disingenuous.

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I guess I'm confused at how I'm supposed to handle things from here. Her and I talked a bit, she explained she is looking for someone who wants to move from here, figures I wouldn't want to do that easily. Which is true.

 

She wants to take our dogs to the dog park - so it's kind of strange. Some people are saying "go with it - maybe she wants to slow things down but still wants to hang out"...others say "don't reply to her - just let it go".

 

I guess I kind of go by the rule that if a girl likes you, she will let you know. I thought she let me know Saturday night, but I was wrong. So - we talked, and she's off the hook...but she brought up the dog park thing, 'no alcohol'.

 

I would expect a woman, if after that - and it just being a one night fling...to not be contacting me every day. I would expect her to just drop it and leave the ball with me so to speak, if I want ot get together at the park - give her a call...not the other way around. This whole situation just feels like it's getting weird....I think I might have to just avoid contact and let things die off.

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