Jump to content

What do I do?


mymomack
Lost the Love Of Your Love? Watch T...
Lost the Love Of Your Love? Watch This!

Recommended Posts

So.. this is a little difficult to explain. My names Josh, i'm 18 years old.. I realize I am fairly young.. but I have been around love my whole life. I am a writer and a poet and a fairly good musician so I know how to express myself well. Over the past few months (4 months, dated since December 11th) I've found myself caught up on one girl. She's perfect in every way and I do believe I am in love. I can't stand that I can't be with her. It took a while to build up a close relationship with her.. and she knows that I want to be close with her, aswell as everyone knows it. Its nothing I want to hide.. its just to awesome.

 

Over the past months.. I can't quite tell if she is into me or not.. I've tried my hardest to get with her and show her that I can treat her right, better than some scum out there would take her for granted just for her beauty, I see more than that, I see her personality, I see her for who she is and I support what she is about.

 

The thing about it is, daily I am confused because I never can tell if she is wanting a relationship with me. She denies the fact (publicly) that she wants to be in a relationship with me, but yet she's admitted to her closest friends that she likes me and thinks i'm "mega sweet" according to her notes to her friends. But she doesn't realize i've seen these notes and these messages.. so she doesn't know that her friends have told me about it.

 

I don't know where to go from here, I look deep in myself but shes like a theory of her own, and I just can't solve it.. its a puzzle and its infinitely confusing. I constantly look to God and to family and close friends for advice, but no one can figure her out. I don't know if I give up or keep going.. take in mind the last time she said she liked me was.. 2-3 weeks ago? So I don't know if its changed or not.. Please.. if you have any advice on what my next step should be.. leave your thoughts..

 

On a footnote, any time I ask to go out and spend some time together, shes always busy.. aswell as it seems obvious she likes me.. when she is around me.. she is shy and tends to fidget around and smile alot.. while letting me do all the talking.. I mean I take this as a clue she likes me.. she'll be mega sarcastic and make fun of me but smile and she knows I realize its a joke.. she taunts and teases me.. flirts without realizing it.. so now tell me what i'm supposed to do. Its been 2-3 months since I asked her last out.. and she rejected me.. which makes me skeptic and afraid to ask her out again. I appreciate all help and advice. Thanks alot.

 

- Josh.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Have you talked directly to her about her feelings? I know it's hard to lay it all out on the table, but if she really likes you and wants to be with you she should be willing to say so--otherwise it's not really fair to you to keep your hopes alive if she's not planning to ever give you what she knows you want (a relationship with her).

 

It might be time to gently call her on her mixed signals so that you can start trying to move on if there's really no future there. I hope things work out for you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for the reply bronte. Well basically.. I've talked directly to her about her feelings.. shes always confused (most of the time) and I don't think she really knows what she wants.. Take this in mind, and I haven't stated this.. she's never experienced a relationship, ever. So I don't know how to go about this. And all her friends tell me its obvious and there is hope.. so I shouldn't give up.. but i'm thinking daily what I should do next..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think your next move should be to move on. You're working way too hard to win this girl over. She seems wishy-washy and unsure. The signals she's sending you aren't signs of liking you but signs of liking attention. She'll flirt with you just to keep you wanting her but she'll never really commit.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hmm.. maybe empathetic, but don't get me wrong here (I may be just blinded by my feelings) but what about her admitting her feelings freely to her friends? I mean is she afraid to commit or what?.. I don't know.. and the one thing that worries me and troubles me is, what if I give up and then the chance to get with her comes around in the near future of me giving up on her.. then i'll have missed my chance, am I wrong?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No, girls can be silly sometimes (I know, I am one). Sometimes we wait till the guy seems to be slipping away before we realize "he's the one" often we will come running back. If you she like you she will make an effort. But right now I don't think she is or at least she's not in a place where she is ready to truly commit to you. Liking someone doesn't always mean you want to be with them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hmm, I can definitely see how her friends are keeping your hopes alive, but at the end of the day, if she wants to be with you, she should be with you! That's why I think you might need to have one last frank discussion about your feelings and tell her, "I really like you and want to be with you, but I don't want to waste my time if you don't feel the same way about me." Then ask her out one last time and if she says no, try to move on--she knows how you feel and if she changes her mind she can tell you so and hope you're still open to a relationship at that point.

 

Part of life is learning that you have to be willing to make yourself a little vulnerable at times if you want to be in a relationship, and it sounds like she hasn't quite learned that yet. It will definitely be sad to miss out on what could be a great relationship because she's not willing to take a risk, but there is nothing you can do to make her ready to do so if she's not already.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

True that.. and I regret that fact every day bronte. Sometimes I feel like its sort of my fault you know.. like I don't try hard enough to get this ball on a roll, figure of speech intended ofcourse, but at the end of the day, I feel like I try my hardest, but I also feel like I could reach inside me and grab more energy to try even harder..

 

I open up to her, as she has opened up to me before, but it never seems to help. I can never seem to pan out all the issues in front of us, and find the gold needed to perfect our relationship together.. Which makes me think its always my fault.

 

I don't know. Haha. I'm at a point where I don't know anymore.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey mymomack,

As you get older you will find out that 99% of the time that people say they are "confused" they really have something they don't want to tell you, and usually that thing is I don't know if I like you enough to date/be with you. Its pretty obvious if you think about it logically. If you really like someone then you will be with them. If you really like someone and there are some logistical circumstances that stop that, for example say you and your partner are going to move to different places, there is nothing to be confused about, they just cant make up their mind if they like you enough to carry on a long distance relationship, but they might tell you they are confused so not to expose you to this rather hurtful sounding decision that they must make. Part of the reason they do this, is so you will sit around like a good doggie while they make up their mind, don't do it.

 

Furthermore, if the only thing you have read in these notes is that she thinks you are mega sweet and that she likes you. You also are young and will soon learn that thinking someone is sweet is pretty much never an indicator of interest. In fact, the most common usage of this adjective is something a girl says when she is trying to let a guy down easy. As in: you are really sweet but...

 

The last symptom I see of your youth, is that good relationships and furthermore relationships that lead to some kind of mutual fruition do not usually start like this. She has already rejected you, asking her out has failed. She has sent you the message that you are more interested in her than she is in you. Chasing her will only make this worse, the only way you could turn it around is to make her chase you, but you should be yourself whether she wants to chase or not.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hang out with her one day and ask her if you could kiss her. See what happens.

 

 

People say thats a fail idea.. I don't know.

 

Well WindowTo.. thats great advice.. but the thing about it is.. why is it so hard? Why does it have to be so emotionally challenging to get over her? I mean I care for her alot, she has trusted me with alot of things.. trusted me enough to confine me with things not even her best friends know. That has to show some trust, correct?

 

And I know that i'm young.. but i'm certainly not immature. My whole family/friends say I act like a grown man. I certainly have the ability to sit here and express myself verbally/vocally.

 

But comes a follow up.. from what you read, you say she is just playing with my mind, making me seem like a dog and following her every whim? Thats... hurtful but maybe true.. How can I prove this. Like I said, I don't want to lose a chance out with her.. and yes she rejected me.. but shes told me she didnt know me well back then... but she knows me alot better now. But I guess that doesn't change anything?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...