I'm so tired of being dissappointed and crying, I'm so tired I hate my freaking life.

[EQD]

if he didnt care he wouldnt be helping you in ANY way. and thats the truth.

you arent making him help you financially.

what you are seeing here is he is trying to use that as a free pass out of boring old housework that he thinks you should be doing for him in exchange.

Doesnt mean he doesnt care.

It means he is being lazy.

 

Dont. let. him. be. that. way.

 

sit down with him and have a mature and level talk about housework. tell him how it makes you feel to have to do the whole load. and propose a reasonable solution.

Remind him that he said he would help you with the housework and the dog, and he hasnt been filling his end of the deal.

 

Dont get mad, get even.

 

Right now you are so hurt you want to break away and give up, but thats not the answer. The answer is to push harder, and try harder. But do it SMART, and not in forms of lashing out. Express yourself to him. And ask that he do the same.

Thats called relationship cooperation.

[CoCo2009]

I tried expressing to him already, even this morning I just approached casually saying it hurt my feelings and that I know he is working and tired and thats why I only asked him to do those two things. He said I WAS WRONG and that he shouldnt have to be told anything. He even had the nerve to say "The dog got walked didn't he?" AND I WAS THE ONE WHO WALKED THE DOG! CAN YOU BELIEVE HE SAID THAT TO ME?. I feel like punching a wall and throwing all of his clothes out. I wont' do it but thats what I feel like doing! I put all this effort into this relationship and thats what I get? I'm not talking to him about anything anymore I have tried talking to him to DEATH. Nothing works and I finally and going to try to give up on him, I'm going to try and let go. If I have to lose my apartment because I can't make ends meet without him thats a hard part I have to get through somehow. I don't know how I will make it but I can't be feeling like this anymore.

[EQD]

sounds like he is spoiled.

 

and he tried to bully and guilt you into thinking you were in the wrong.

 

well hell get rid of him then if he doesnt want to fly straight. next time just make sure to set your boundaries on that sort of stuff. guys can be alot like children, give and inch they will take a mile, and then eat your food.

[CoCo2009]

I'm so scared and hurt I don't even know what to do with myself. He will probably come home and try to guilt me and tell me he is leaving me or something. If he doesn't I will probably just let him treat me this way because I don't know how to break up with him. I will loose my apartment because he helps with rent and my unemployment doesn't cover it all. Its not fair, I hate life, why do these things keep happening to me. I tried my best I did the best I could do..why can't I have someone that want to do the same for me? I'm not asking for much, I'm a good person....Well I thought I was worth it and just a good enough person..

[EQD]

and that sounds controlling to me.

no one should have that much leverage over you, people abuse power.

above all you should never feel 'trapped' in any relationship.

youre a strong person. and where there is a will there is a way. never ever get to the point where you feel stuck

[CoCo2009]

I'm so screwed, I have to deal with a break up, deal with not having a job, my credit score is going to go to hell. I have a lot of bad this happening that I'm trying to fix I have to try and get all this under control or just deal with my life being ruined. Its so hard.

[CoCo2009]

I feel like I am going to hyperventilate I can't even see straight. I;m so fed up I'm so done and tired of this I'm tired of this I'm so tired.

[EQD]

just take it step by step.

today what is your problem?

dont think about tomorrow. think of today.

[CoCo2009]

I feel awful today, I feel like my whole life is going to be ruined soon. When we break up he will take his money I only get 726.00 every two weeks, my rent is 965 I have a car note that is 300 I have all these credit cards that I ran up when I was young that I am paying on time so that my credit score will be good enough so that when I need a car or want to buy a house in the future I won't have bad credit. NOW EVERYTHING is going to be ruined! I tried everything I could in this relationship I KNOW I'm not perfect but I try to be the best person I can possibly be I never hurt anyone I TRY my best all the while I am getting broken up with every two months and I just can't take this anymore I' can;t do this anymore!@

[Lamprey]

Maybe discussing consequences will help?

 

- So you will take care of the dog from now on?

- Yes.

- We should discuss what happens if you don't because your track record of following through on your promises is bad. How about we get rid of the dog if you don't walk him by 8pm more than 3 times?

 

If nothing else, the look on his face should be fun to see

 

Oh, another thing - have him look at this thread, see what people are thinking. Maybe post something in self-defence, get a discussion going. We've only heard 1 side so far and the truth is usually somewhere in the middle.

[CoCo2009]

I thought he wanted to work this out and make it better and that we would be together truthfully and real one day really on eachothers side now everthing is going to be over. I have this I wasted all this time and all these years FOR NOTHING,

[EQD]

see, you went straight to whats going to happen two weeks from now. two weeks from now hasnt happened yet.

Today. Today you need to evaluate your relationship. do you need this stress in your life? Do you need someone in your life who treats you this way?

Are you happy with being treated this way?

 

If youre not then you have to think of whats best for you. money comes and goes, debt isnt the worst thing that will ever happen to you. You have to take care of yourself emotionally.

Thats what counts. not number crunching.

[CoCo2009]

I'm not going to let him see this thread because I have tried too many times while watching him site there and NOT try I don't feel like he cares all he can bring up is taking me out and money! He should want to do those thing just like I want to do things for him, he makes it like he HAS to do those things and he doesn't want to do those things that couples do for eachother when nesting or trying to get our lives together to one day be married or have a family! I can't make him want what I want...he needs to want it himself.

[CoCo2009]

see, you went straight to whats going to happen two weeks from now. two weeks from now hasnt happened yet.

Today. Today you need to evaluate your relationship. do you need this stress in your life? Do you need someone in your life who treats you this way?

Are you happy with being treated this way?

 

If youre not then you have to think of whats best for you. money comes and goes, debt isnt the worst thing that will ever happen to you. You have to take care of yourself emotionally.

Thats what counts. not number crunching.

 

I don't know honestly what to do anymore, I can't even thing about it right..I WANT to be with him because I love him but this isn't the way people who love eachother act or treat eachother. Its not right. I don't know how to let go its like I'm addicted

[CoCo2009]

its so bad, just this weekend I was so happy because he surprised me with tickets to a concert and we had so much fun on Sunday. Now look, life is so f-ed up. I hate life. I hate why we have to live through so much pain.

[EQD]

you are addicted. no doubt about it.

but dont stay in this for him, or because of him. stay in it for you.

if there is nothing in it for you then you need to really evaluate your reasons for staying.

Its completely possible that you are staying for all the wrong reasons. just because you stick around doesnt neccessarily mean its love or that its 'meant to be' or worth fighting for.

He sounds controlling.

As an example abusers are controlling too. There are millions of women out there who feel that they cannot leave their abusive spouses because they 'love' them, and they firmly believe that. But what they really feel is a co-dependency that they think is love.

 

Thats why its important to clear your head, and view this realistically. avoid these intense feelings. they will lead you astray.

[Lamprey]

Well - I don't think it's fair to expect someone to want certain things because you feel they should. Most likely, he wants you to be happy because when you are, you're nice to him and so he's happy too. Helping you out financially and taking you out is, then, a means to an end; he doesn't necessarily need to enjoy it, but he does it anyway because he enjoys the end result.

 

Kind of like, you want to look good, but don't necessarily enjoy working out. You do it anyway - and should you be expected to enjoy working out because you want to be in shape?

 

And yes, I described selfish behavior, but selfishness is the most honest emotion

[CoCo2009]

I can't figure it out, I have tried for so long to try and figure this out and just can't figure it out. I think about him with another girl and I get sad and then it makes me think I don't want to break up, I think about him not in my life and I get really sad and upset. But I can't stay with someone who treats me like this. I can't figure it out, I'm like stuck in my mind. How is he abusive is he really abusive? How can I tell?

[Lamprey]

How about you leave the house and clear your head? All you're doing is sitting there driving yourself silly (at the risk of sounding chauvinist, typical female behavior). So far you've convinced yourself that you're breaking up and are moving on to the dealing with breakup/mourning phase. Meanwhile, your bf is sitting at work, unsuspecting.

[EQD]

i agree you should leave the house.

[CoCo2009]

well he is probably at work thinking about breaking up with me so whatever. I don't have anywhere to go anyway...I surely don't want to go out and waste gas or any more because I don't even freaking have any as it is. So freaking sucky. I'm just thinking about how when he comes home tonight he is going to ignore me and just sit there and I will want to talk or something. I refuse to try and talk to him tonight though. I won't talk to him ever. If he wants to break up fine I will just be hurt and I won't have to do it myself.

[girlnextdoor80]

You are not thinking rationally right now. First of all what you should do is to calm yourself down...grab the phone...call a friend over and have a talk...cry your heart out. Trust me, debt is not the worst problem you are ever going to have.

 

Give yourself 48 hours...go for a walk..read a trashy celeb mag...do something for yourself. Then wehn you feel you are out of this intense emotional whirlwind that you are in now, sit your boyfriend down and tell him what you feel. Do not break down or cry or scream. Just explain rationally. He might realize whats going on and lend you a shoulder or he might decide to break off. But you have to take a stand for yourself. Once you get your self respect in place, you will find a way out of this mess.

[CoCo2009]

You are not thinking rationally right now. First of all what you should do is to calm yourself down...grab the phone...call a friend over and have a talk...cry your heart out. Trust me, debt is not the worst problem you are ever going to have.

 

Give yourself 48 hours...go for a walk..read a trashy celeb mag...do something for yourself. Then wehn you feel you are out of this intense emotional whirlwind that you are in now, sit your boyfriend down and tell him what you feel. Do not break down or cry or scream. Just explain rationally. He might realize whats going on and lend you a shoulder or he might decide to break off. But you have to take a stand for yourself. Once you get your self respect in place, you will find a way out of this mess.

 

Ive done this before

[girlnextdoor80]

Do you know why you are in this relationship??? Any reason other than the financial security??? Why do you think you are sticking around??

[CoCo2009]

Well of course its not only for financial security, I have stated before that I was just unemployed in October and I was taking care of myself, I mean I thing just got really bad. Anyway I have stayed all these years because I love him and I wanted a future with him, but I am noticing that we hardly are ever on the same page..I love him and I wanted a future with him, thats why I have stuck around through all this mess throughout the years. I guess its a lost cause?