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Am I Gay/Straight/Bisexual?


Gülrog
HOW TO RESPOND TO CONSTRUCTIVE CRIT...
HOW TO RESPOND TO CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM

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Friendly greetings assorted forum goers!

 

I'll for all purposes be Gülrog. Anyway, I write you as a particularly unsettled and perhaps even confused chap. I suppose it could be said that I'm looking for understanding from someone who could potentially be in a position to empathize with my position, well if by understanding I mean explanation. I digress, I am in high school now, I'm a junior with seventeen years of age who was raised Roman Catholic. As such throughout early puberty I sort of discounted the possibility of my being gay or bisexual in that even if I was my religion and understanding of the universe would forbid it. That sort of logic lead me down a path of deciding I was straight by means of philosophy. Since then I've strayed from that faith due to legitimate belief in another religious philosophy which has no such restrictions. What is interesting about that is that I've sort of been given a great deal of freedom on moral issues I didn't immediately understand and while most of those I've chiseled out I decided there wasn't anything wrong with homosexuality. Once at this stage I sort of began to reconsider where my cog fit into the grand scheme of things.

 

As far as evidence in favor of my lack of straightness: I've definitely crushed on (had a crush for) other guys before, but it seems as though that happens much less often than it does for girls. (A ratio of about three females to every one male perhaps) I do find chaps attractive sometimes, but I can't seem to spot some sort of unifying characteristic/s to that effect. In addition to this, I've apparently set off most of my galpals' gaydar over the course of time in which I knew them. The thing that sort of sold people that I've confided in though is my general opinion that lady parts (not breasts mind you) are rather unpleasant to sort of be involved with in any way.

 

There are also though some reasons which serve to the contrary and serve as the reason why I come here. I am not a butt guy; I won't go into much detail on the matter for the sake of avoiding vulgarity but they're notably ewwie. I also think girls are pretty awesome, and history has shown that I enjoy little more than to cuddle next to a significant other and just stay there for a few hours. Without going into detail, it seems to me like if I were to be with a guy there'd be a lot less that I'd be able to do with them than with a girl, and that sort of adds another layer of discouragement.

 

At the moment I feel like if I am indeed not straight I still wouldn't be able to date or even seriously flirt with a guy because I lack the confidence to even be sure of my sexuality. I suppose I'm just looking for someone to give me confidence to hold onto the thought that I am indeed a way or at least explain how I'd confidently come to the conclusion. If this wasn't enough information I'd be happy to answer questions or what have you.

 

Thanks in Advance,

-Gülrog

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You're not alone in your feelings. A lot of guys and girls are confused about their sexuality. I think it's because nearly all societies have cookie cutter definitions for gay, straight or bi. I hate the idea of someone else telling anyone who they are. This is something one should define for themselves. Perhaps you like girls physically and boys emotionally or visa versa. Allow me to explain...

 

a friend I know (she's ok with me sharing this) is intimate with girls on some level but she has long term relationships with men. Her sex life with men isn't better than with girls she likes them for other reasons. What she is isn't clearly defined but she's happy.

 

Don't force yourself into some boxed definition of sexuality. I hope you get to a point where you feel happy with who you are whatever you decide that is.

And just remember you aren't alone in your feelings.

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We can't really tell you if you're straight, gay, or bi. That's something you have to figure out yourself.

 

Generally, the easiest way to tell your sexuality is who you fall in love with. If you fall in love with girls, you're straight, guys, you're gay, both, you're bi.

 

I think it's possible for straight people to find people of the same sex attractive and even make out with them. For teenagers, this is pretty common behavior. I think what differentiates this from being gay is a lack of romantic feeling involved.

 

If you're curious, I'd suggest a trip to the gay bar and see what you think.

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I agree with PianoGuy. I also don't think sexuality is always as black and white as most people would like to believe. I think there are likely a good number of the 'straight' population who find some members of the opposite sex attractive. Whether or not they would participate in a sexual encounter with these persons is where you get the most variance. While most might find opp sex attractive, there are much fewer who would likely act on it for reasons of religion or ambiguity about it, and even more who might find them attractive but NO desire to sleep with them.

 

Your sexuality is your own and no one can define what your preference is. You sound like you might be bi. I think if you have found crushes on males so early in life with you not even being 18 yet it is very likely you are bi. I wouldn't say completely gay becuase you seem to like women more. This is very common I would think for bi people - i think most of them would say they prefer one sex a bit more then the other.

 

Being a teenager is tough enough so my heart goes out to you with you having gender identity issues thrown into what is already a tough batch to mix. I am sure you will feel more confident about your choices as you get older. Don't feel that you have to put yourself into one box or the other at this time and go with the flow and just like whomever you feel a strong pull of attraction for.

 

As an interesting sidenote all males I have spoken to in my life who had these types of gender identity issues and questioning their 'gay' side have all been of the catholic faith. That may or may not be of any significance or mere coincendence. not sure.

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Now, I'm no expert like anyone here, but if someone asks and you're unsure, you can say you're "Questioning". Many people understand what it means... unsure/not ready to label yourself/really confused/etc. yadda yadda... but don't worry too much about it.

 

In time, and with some instrospection, you fill truly figure it out. Mind you, even people who think they did surprize themselves once in a while. You are what you are, and that should enough for now...

 

And yes, many people can say without hesitation that they've been gay/straight/bi and they've been 100% sure since they were negative five years of age, some people DO have a harder time and a more blurry or muddled sexuality.

 

Besides that, from your post I gather that you might be a person with a low sex drive... Yes, I said I'm no expert but I say this because some parts of your post remind me of how I think. I'm content with a cuddle... but anyways...

 

But do you like hugging guys? Can you imagine kissing a guy? Calling him your boyfriend? Depending on a guy emotionally?

 

Well, once again, patience is key. Don't stress too much about it.

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