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Im Bitter at Life


rusty_boi

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So i have hit my final straw, i have been patient for the last 4 years but ive finally been broken. Ive been single for the last 4 years and my last 2 girlfriends both dumped me for other guys. But i didnt let that get me down. Only in the last year have i regained my confidence to approach women - And nothing has changed. Of the few girls i took out on dates and i began to like they decided they were no longer interested with no explanation. Also in this time ive asked out my high school best friend, after a period of loss of contact (who i was secretly in love with) who said no because she wanted to concentrate on studying, only to be driving in the car to clear my head hear her dedicate a love song to her new bf on the radio. She couldnt even tell me the truth, It hurts me to look at her, even on facebook

 

Ive lowered my expectations and standards, still to no avail. On the weekend i was dancing and kissing this girl (i had no interest in her, i was havin fun) her friend took her out of my hands and gave me a dirty look and walked off. Im not angry about the girl, im angry that stuff like that is always happening to me. I think im a good person and i dont deserve to be demeaned like that.

 

Im no longer a "nice guy" and i am assertive it just seems that girls for some reason have a vendetta against me. Its obvious im looking in the wrong places because nightclubs dont exactly have nice girls. But where else do i go on a weekend to find people my own age?

 

Im becoming increasingly bitter now and any girl im attracted to i hate and tell myself she is probably a b*itch, or would just hurt me. i dont wanna be like this but i cant help this method of thinking.

 

I feel like i have nothing to live for (not that i wanna kill myself, but i dont really care if i die i.e. i would join the army without thinking twice). My family has all betrayed me and whilst i have forgiven them for it, its something that has never left me. I as struggling with the subub i was living in, my school, etc towards the senior years of high school and wanted to live with one of my 3 sisters who live 1 hour away. They all said yes to my face (even my parents) then all said they didnt want me to move behind my back. The only way i found out was when they kept putting off me moving by telling me "soon". I dont care in hindsight that i couldnt move, i care that MY OWN FAMILY couldnt tell me the truth and still to this day havent. Then at my sisters wedding i was the only person to be forgotten about in the wedding speech.

 

My friends i have now are ok but i dont have a best friend, my last best friend pretty much stopped hanging out with me one day because i wasnt 18 and his new "clubbing mates" were.

 

I am training to be a cop, the reason i joined was because i want to protect people, and i have always said to myself at least if i can bring a few mums and dads home from work and prevent the pain i have been through then it will be worth it. But after what happened this weekend, i dont care anymore. I keep thinking no one looks out for me, why should i look out for someone else. The only 2 things i want out of life are to have a family and protect people. It seems like i wont have that because i cant even get a gf (which is a short term goal of mine). And my bitterness is starting to affect my fitness motivation and study motivation.

 

Im feel on my own, i have been for a while and its good in a way because out of my whole life the only person who has been 100% reliable to me is myself.

 

What im asking is am i out of line??? How can i let this bitterness and anger at life go???

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Whoa whoa, if you're telling the truth and you're only 19, you have loads of time to 'work out' life. It sounds like you've been so focused on not having a girlfriend and going through your angsty teenage years (which we all do, I assure you) that you've focused a little too hard on what you want in the future and are getting extremely frustrated that you don't have it now. I know you don't want to hear that "you're young and life will get better" so I'm not going to say it to you. But take a step back and look at the big picture (And please recognize that I know nothing of your life except what you have written above and this is my best general advice). You've been single for 4 years. That means your last two girlfriends were around 15 years old or so. As a female I can tell you girls are not mature enough at 15 to even be in a serious relationship-let alone handle the issues that come up as an adult! Even now at 19 most girls are in college and looking for a good time before they have to sit down and focus on a career, life, and family-even if they don't realize it. It sounds like you have yourself so zeroed in on what you want that it's essentially making it impossible for you to achieve.

 

My advice as a slightly older woman? First off calm down a little and accept the fact that you're still young. Secondly sit down and figure out what you want out of life, in 5 years, 10 years, 15 years, and when you retire. Write it down. Then figure out what you enjoy in life and go after it. If you are a happy, driven, confident individual then trust me, the girlfriend issue will be one of the least of your worries. You will start to attract women who share the same qualities, goals, and maturity. Don't give up and understand that this is a life long process and may take time. Don't pressure yourself, and don't let others-including your family-put you down or discourage you. You are at a very busy and life-altering stage in your life, and I suspect that in the next upcoming years you will see things start to fall a little more in place.

 

I hope this helps!

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I think that most people can understand your perception on some level. You seem to realize that this perspective is really self sabatoging. The truth is that there are a lot of selfish people out there, and as for romance, it can be a brutal game thereforee > you should not let your happiness ride on it. You shouldn't base your self esteem on what other people think. To be honest, I am rather wary of Sly's advice that girls were just immature at 15. Frankly, there will always be ways for people to act shallow, selfish, rude whatever, no matter what age they are. There are still good experiences and people to meet though. I am just saying that bad things ARE going to happen, but you cant let your self esteem or dreams about the future ride on it. For example: you career should be something that makes you proud of yourself, something that makes you feel fullfilled to the point that when you tell people, you are proud not because THEY admire you but because YOU THINK that they should admire you. You know what I mean haha?

 

Also, you seem to have expressed that clubs and bars are where you are going to meet women, and you are getting bad experiences from there. Girls who get approached at bars/clubs are more likely to assume that a guy is just looking for sex and are more likely to act b*tchy. Look elsewhere if you don't want to deal with that.

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