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Can someone shine some light on a very confusing situation?!


lcgdia

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Ok i don't want to get too wordy so I'll be too the point. My girlfriend of a year broke up with me 2 months ago. She said she had too much in her life going on (which she really did and still does) and she said she wasn't doing a good job of being my girlfriend. She also said she didnt love me like a girlfriend should. So, since we've been in mostly LC and a few weeks of NC. I've been doing really well now since. But I am confused.

 

Last week I called her and we ended up talking for around 3 hours about "us" and the relationship. One thing i really do appreciate about her is that she is very honest. She got very very emotional with me when I asked to her meet for dinner or a movie. She sais she doesn't trust herself right now and said she needs to "do" a few things first before we meet. She ended up telling me how much she misses me and lies in bed at night wondering if shes made the right decision. She sais she really wants to be in love with me but she said all she knows is RIGHT NOW she isn't in love with me and can't be. Also she doesnt care or have emotion about anything right now. She said though she can't live with me waiting for her.

So basically I'm wondering if she doesnt think we'll ever be together again and she wants to stay friends or is there some hope in her words? ALSO, It sounds like she has just been really confused with everything in her life.

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Maybe she found that you love her more than she does, that gives her pressure (she doesn't need more pressure if she has much going on already), and the fact that you love her more also makes her feeling less about you, so she pulled back, but indeed she needs someone in her life as she might feel lonely sometimes.

It is better to have equal love between lovers afterall.

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If you think shes very honest, then yeah, there seems to be still a little bit of fire in her. However, igniting that for a woman that doesn't know what she wants and/or isn't sure about things is an entirely different story. Its in her court. Shes rethinking her decision. If she contacts you, be nice, cool, yourself, but don't get into too many lengthy conversations, because though long conversations seem not to be too bad so far, if they accumulate, it reinforces to her that you will still be there.

 

I don't think not talking to her anymore is the way to go. But backing off some is something you want to strongly consider.

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It sounds like she hasn't lost all hope, but is waiting passively for 'feelings' to be restored for lack of a better strategy. If you want her back, be available, but minimally available. Let her contact you. Give her less of your time than she wants. This isn't a game, but respect for her feelings of being engulfed and overwhelmed. Something about what you have been doing before overwhelmed her. You'd better find out what it is. If she's not telling you what's going on with her, invite her to share it with you at some point without questioning or pressuring.

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Yes I am very aware whats going on in her life and things are coming together but slowly and it has been very stressful for her. And I think your right about I may have been putting much "uneeded" pressure on her in addition to whats shes already has had. She told me she didn't have time for a relationship and felt like she was half-assing our relationship and thats something that she couldnt do. Do you think it went too far and made her have a change of feelings for me? Up til then, our relationship had been literaly great.

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