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After 9 days NC Ex contacts me..HELP


Hrtsleeve
Why Men Come Back - ALWAYS
Why Men Come Back - ALWAYS

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My Ex GF sent me a message on Facebook today.

 

Prior to this we were LC and the last time we spoke was V-Day when she called me to see how I was doing. After that we had zero contact. This past weekend I went home from college to our home town. I went to a restaurant that we used to work at and where we met, we called "our place". I get to the bar and a friend says I just missed her and her family, and a "random guy" (her new BF). I had no idea she was going home and I was a little surprised she would go to that place with him, since it really was our place.

 

Then today I got on FB to see that she had messaged me saying we should meet up so we could return our stuff. We had been putting this off since our break up in early Jan. I have not seen her since then. She also asked if I could help her out with something, She wants me to show her how to post on the school message board to find a new roommate, her BF doesn’t go to school so he might not be able to help but it is so easy to figure out, her roommate is her best friend here and would know what to do. I don’t know why she would ask me because even if her new BF can’t help with this, her roommate certainly can. She got right to the point of the message but did end it with a friendly “talk to you soon : )”

 

How do I respond to this? (I do want her back and I want to give myself the best chance to do so)

 

Is there any underlying message here or am I reading too far into it?

 

I feel like she may be wondering why I have not tried to contact her lately and she was thinking of me when she was at the restaurant.

 

I miss her but I am working on improving myself, I am not hurting like I was and I am enjoying myself.

 

As I was writing this she IMed me asking if I got the message, I didnt anwser then she said "okkkaaayyy. guess you're not there or you are there and youre mad at me"

 

Any comments or advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks everyone!

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It would seem that if she has a new bf, who has been introduced to the family, that for now at least, you are not in her mind in terms of being together. Couple that with the giving each others stuff back, I'd say she has clearly moved on. Any future chance you have will be along way down the track if ever IMO.

 

So i would reply to the message saying something like 'Hi,your stuff is bagged up and ready to go, let me know when you want to do it'. Don't mention the computer stuff, she's just being out of order even asking. If she mentions it again, just tell her thats not you role now.

 

Sorry mate, i know you need hope, but in the absense of anything tangible, i wouldn't be getting your hopes up.

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Sounds like she's giving you a test to see if she's still got you in her back pocket. I'd respond by suggesting that you mail one another your stuff and wish her best of luck. Tell her if she's ever broken up and fully over the new BF, she can contact you. If you're still available you'll consider meeting her for coffee to catch up. Otherwise, NC.

 

If you want her back someday, she'll respect you if you refuse to dangle around hoping for scraps from her. Otherwise, you're just taken for granted, and there's nothing compelling about returning to someone you take for granted.

 

Read up more on the topic of NC, and understand the many reasons why it's in your best interest--most especially if you're holding hope while she's got a new BF.

 

In your corner.

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What Sparkie and catfeeder said. She might be testing you, and is not so use to being around without you, so she wants you around to help her versus someone else, b/c chances are the attachment is still there. I would try and avoid it politely. Look into ceasing to initiate contact with her, because like catfeeder said, if she has a boyfriend, you need to leave her alone, she made her choice, let her be, and improve yourself and be able to live happily by yourself. That will increase your chances, but keep in mind it doesn't mean its going to work out in the end.

 

There is a chance she will keep contacting you every so often, like my ex did after she was with her new guy a little over a month after she left me. These contacts have a good chance to be small, somewhat stupid, and have no substance. Their really just to either get your attention, test you, see if you're still there, or to play games. If she does start doing that, I want you to realize that they are just what they seem to be: meaningless. You can try as hard as you want to look under the surface and figure out if shes regretting it, or if shes missing you, but at the end of the day, shes with another guy, and hasn't expressed anything genuine to you. Just thought I'd give you a heads up on that.

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Thanks guys, I think she was just testing me to see if I was still there for her. I need to stick to my guns and do this NC. I may respond saying we can return our belongings then do strict NC. Her birthday is in 3 weeks so I know I will have to stay stong then. But I do still have faith and I will continue to live my life.

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