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is No Contact the best way to heal


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I broke up with my boyfriend last night. Well, I think I did....I started the conversation to lead up to a breakup...I told him that I didn't think that he was being fair to me and he was hurting me...and then he agreed and apologized and said that he didn't think he had it in him to be a good boyfriend at the moment...and then I said I guess we should end it...but I felt dumped...I started crying...he didn't...I was upset...he didn't seem all that upset. He told me to call if I needed anything and that he still loved me and things like that...but I don't know what to do.

 

Today I am feeling hurt and I feel like I really miss him. Part of me thinks that the breakup was a good thing...I mean I know I deserved more than the way that he was treating me...but the other part of me knows he is a great guy and that I just want him to get over his issues so that he can be that great guy to me. I don't know if the issues are me or other things. I would like to call him and talk, but don't know if I am better off with no contact. I am so confused. What do you think?

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Um, since you're a day into the breakup and you guys didn't really have an extensive conversation when breaking up, i think NC isn't really going to help you. You should call the guy and work things out or talk it out to where you gain some closure. After you decide for sure whether to stay together or breakup, then you can decide on NC.

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the conversation was fairly extensive....we both agreed to break up. I guess I am now having second thoughts. I felt like we should break up...now I feel like we should have worked things out...but I guess he felt like we should break up, too...so i should respect his wishes.

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Agreed with JohnGalt. Its way too soon to cut ties when you probably can still work things out. Plus, "I don't have it in me to be a good boyfriend right now" sounds like a throwaway line, you deserve a better explanation before you make the decision whether or not to cut ties.

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yeh...i tried to get it out of him...he said he does this with all his girlfriends....he ends up sabotaging the relationship because he doesn't know what happens but he feels like he just wants to be alone or is no longer romantically inclined or something.

 

The thing is, he said he loved me... and he said that with his other girlfriends he had gotten to a point where he didn't like them and didn't want to be friends. He said he felt like we could be "awesome friends" and that he loved me very much and didn't want me out of his life...but I think maybe that hurts more...it's like I didn't do anything wrong and he just isn't into me anymore or something.

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Id say, since he didnt seem too broken up about it... I really would go NC for at least a week. Give yourself time to see what its like without him, and give him time to assess whatever he's going through at the moment, collect his thoughts, and reevaluate if he wants to be in any relationship at the moment. After you feel you can talk to him rationally, see where he is at and where you are at. Maybe you guys just needed a breath of fresh air, or maybe he really shouldnt be with anyone at the time.

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yeh...i tried to get it out of him...he said he does this with all his girlfriends....he ends up sabotaging the relationship because he doesn't know what happens but he feels like he just wants to be alone or is no longer romantically inclined or something.

 

The thing is, he said he loved me... and he said that with his other girlfriends he had gotten to a point where he didn't like them and didn't want to be friends. He said he felt like we could be "awesome friends" and that he loved me very much and didn't want me out of his life...but I think maybe that hurts more...it's like I didn't do anything wrong and he just isn't into me anymore or something.

 

You have your reason. Oblige him and go NC. He should understand how much this is hurting you, and having you around in his life after he broke up with you won't get the point accross in his mind at all, plus its going to cause you pain.

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IF you feel your conversation was extensive enough to get an official break-up out of it, and you have closure than I definitely think you should go and stay no contact. Having second thoughts and missing your ex is perfectly natural and everybody goes through it, but you have to determine whether those thoughts are genuine or just nostalgia and missing your relationship / fear of being single. Give yourself time to sort out your feelings, but I would absolutely suggest no contact.

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Do you think I should let him know how hard it is for me...I'm not sure if I don't contact him that he will realize

Believe me, silence from your end will have an impact on him. He'll be wondering what you're thinking, and like Misskitty said, he'll make contact. The question is whether or not you feel answering that attempt will help anything, and if it does, what exactly you want to say.

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Make up with meaning | make up with...
Make up with meaning | make up with sentences | Common English Idioms #shorts

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