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Asking Someone to Call You in Engli...
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Well, yesterday, I found out who it was that was joking around with me on the phone the night before. It turns out that it was the guy that I liked, that when I called, his friends decided to be funny and give him the phone.

 

Yesterday, I had practice. He was there, so was the other girl. We did get invited to a BBQ after practice was done, that was being put on by the gf of the guy who heads the WoW group. The guy I like was being funny with me at practice, which was cool.

 

I know I am going all over the place with this thread. One of my earlier threads, I posted about me suspecting whether the girl likes him or not. I know she had taken down her Facebook "single" status. Yesterday, I casually asked her about it, after chatting with her about something about dating and she told me she is not really dating anybody. Ok!

 

I suspect she likes the guy I like, but still not sure. I waited around for her to leave practice before I headed off to the party (she also came). During the party, she kept sitting next to the guy I liked (sometimes he'd just sit next to her). I kept watching them, both while eating and just hanging around. Another guy was there that we know and she also started goofing off with him. This guy tried to include me in it. I tried to get into it. It consisted of me and her piling on top on him. Weird. I just felt weird doing that. She flirted with him and with the guy I like. I can't tell if she likes them both, or she likes him.

 

It's hard for me to relax. I am so nervous. I really want to find someone to date from the group of people I hang with and do stuff with. I always watch for how people react to me, to her, etc. I am to this point, I will date anybody from there, but it's not as easy as that.

 

With the guy I like, I have this feeling he may like her and me only as a friend. I dunno. His friend (the guy that was goofing around with us), tried to get me to sit next to him and the guy I like. After much coaxing, I did, but it seemed the guy I like got a bit weird with that. I can't really tell.

 

I stayed at the party till the end. The other girl would not leave. She ended up flirting/playing aorund with both of them. I played WoW and talked to a few stragglers. Finally it was just me, her, the two guys, the guy who owns the house and his gf. We all watched a movie and she sat next to both of the guys and flirted with them. After the movie was over, I left.

 

I want to ask the guy whose house it was that they had the BBQ at, if that guy likes that girl. I really want to know. I also want to ask if the guy knows if I like him.

 

I need some advice and some direction. And think the only way to get it is to ask mutual friends.

 

Or just keep quiet.

 

I really don't like staying late at parties, because it just makes me tired, but I want to get a chance to interact with the guy I like and watch her. I am a bit envious of her.

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Thanks for adding more details to your post - but I still am unclear on the details of this phonecall where the guy you like was joking around with you or why you didn't know it was him, and I also am still not sure about your initial question "should you ask"? Should you ask...who and what?

 

IT is starting to sound like to me they are playing games with you as in making sport of your crush on this guy. Of course I can't know for sure since I do not see the interactions but part of me is beginning to think that they are having fun with your crush and not taking it very seriously (and it doesn't sound very mature of them). And if the guy you like also liked you in a romantic way I think he would have asked you out by now. I would not continue to spend time wondering about this one and envying this other girl and watching her every move and hoping she will leave events early and such is doing nothing but fueling your worrying nature and insecurity. Stop obsessing with her. it isn't healthy for you to be so concerned about who she is seeing, who she likes, what her facebook status is, etc. At this point you shouldn't even be checking her facebook page since it sounds like when you do it is only to check up on her activities. That is no more productive then when people check ex's facebook pages.

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Agree totally with JadedStar - and the more you put pressure on yourself to find someone from this particular group to date the less fun it will be and the less productive it will be- meaning, I think you joined to have an activity you like and to possibly expand your social circle. Stick to those goals, in my opinion. Also, your behavior - watching his and her every move or close to it- isn't lost on the others and that kind of behavior usually makes peple feel uncomfortable.

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That would be cruel if they were playing games with me about my crush on him. Most of the people there, I don't think, know I have a crush on him. He is also their resident jokester, that I do know.

 

If they are making fun of my crush on him, then they are not being friends to me. But then I can be also way too serious.

 

I'm not sure if he asks girls out. Last night we were all talking about some past SCA event and he was telling the group about this girl who liked him, but he had no idea and then she ended up asking around for his info and wanted to ask him out.

 

As for the phone call, on Sat night, the guy who's gf hosted the BBQ, he called me to see if I wanted to join them for WoW that night. I didn't answer the phone so he left me a msg. I called him back and he got the other guy (the one I like to answer the phone and act like him). They were just being goofy.

 

As for asking the question, I am thinking of asking the mutual friend to see if the guy I like, LIKES that other girl. If so, I'm just going to give up and just be friends and not see what else can go on.

 

I am jealous of that other girl because she can attract the attention of BOTH guys (the guy I like and this other guy who knows us both). Although last night, she did try to get me to go along with their goofiness (and pile upon the lap of both of the guys like she did). It was just some general goofiness.

 

Everytime I go to a party or hang out with people, I look around to see if there are guys that are eligible to date. I want to find a guy TO date and since my social life seems to center around SCA things, this is the only way.

 

I also want to keep these friends so I have people to celebrate my birthday which is coming in two months. I don't want to be lonely.

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Agree totally with JadedStar - and the more you put pressure on yourself to find someone from this particular group to date the less fun it will be and the less productive it will be- meaning, I think you joined to have an activity you like and to possibly expand your social circle. Stick to those goals, in my opinion. Also, your behavior - watching his and her every move or close to it- isn't lost on the others and that kind of behavior usually makes peple feel uncomfortable.

 

I'm not sure if they can tell if I watch them. I don't just butt into conversations with them. A lot of times they will be having conversations with others, and I join in.

 

He also does joke around with me and seek me to talk on occasions.

 

I know I need to relax. Sometimes when I try to relax and joke around with him, he seems to take it the wrong way and I feel like I've offended him. He jokes around with me though.

 

I just hope they are not joking around with me at my expense.

 

I really want to find out how people think about me there.

 

I have been told by other posters on here, that if people will joke around with you, usually means they like you and consider you to be a friend.

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"Everytime I go to a party or hang out with people, I look around to see if there are guys that are eligible to date. I want to find a guy TO date and since my social life seems to center around SCA things, this is the only way."

 

Wow, what a passive statement. You chose to have your social life focus on the SCA and WoW events/activities - you write as if you are watching your life from the outside. It's not the only way, by far, it's the way you've chosen these past few months. You need in my opinion to take responsibility for your choices.

 

I think you are mistaken as far as what people know - my guess is that when you chose to get drunk at the last event and share with others that it was obvious (if it wasn't obvious before) how you felt about this guy and how you really want others to like you in the group.

 

Yes, the joking could be a sign that they like you and feel bonded to you.

 

I agree that you need to chill and avoid going down the path of hovering over this woman whether at these events, on facebook, where ever. The best way to get people to bond with you is to give them the space to do so -- let them come to you more than you have been doing.

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I think that your desire to latch onto someone to date (your prior statement that you would date ANYBODY who likes you in tihs group is a bit disturbing - i know you are lonely but you have to put some more value on yourself than this) is really affecting your ability to be able to interact with this group in a relaxed and mature manner. It is a great social outlet for you but your constant worry, and your envy of this girl and constant want for this guy's attention is totally clouding the great potential that being in this group as a social outlet could be.

 

I know you would disagree but i think that you should enjoy this group and not continue to try so hard to find a date. You might be doing things because of this that are raising eyebrows in this group. They sound like nice people but even nice people can look upon someone questionable who seems to be on the prowl and looking to land just anyone to date. Please try to curb and relax that and just have fun with these people. The more you relax and stop looking so hard for a guy the more likely that you will probably find a guy who asks you out. Funny how that works.

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Ren... you are entirely too sensitive and you need to lighten up- you are constantly writing post after post about these normal every day interactions that people who hang out in groups of friends have... pranks, joking around...etc... and you honestly just have to lighten .. laugh and be a big goof yourself- otherwise.. the teasing is going to get cruel....why? because they can... because no matter what age ..certain people get off on making sensitive people like yourself the punchline of a joke.

 

lighten up- blow it off...stop reading into everything little thing these people do or say- have a life outside these people.... and stop trying to please them.

 

i understand this because there was a time i used to worry that everyone was making fun of me... that i wasn't being invited to parties... that everyone was friends and no one really like me .. they just kept me around to be the punch line..etc... once i stopped worrying about it .. once i took there joking around as just that .. JOKING AROUND.. i wound having more fun.... making more friends....also, when i stopped letting every little thing they did or didn't do bother me- my confidence grew ...and people knew they couldn't mess with me like that.... so i didn't have to worry about this type of thing anymore.

 

Ren....take my advice.. just have fun and stop worrying so much.

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laugh and be a big goof yourself- otherwise.. the teasing is going to get cruel....why? because they can... because no matter what age ..certain people get off on making sensitive people like yourself the punchline of a joke.

 

I really agree with this and sadly Ren if you don't lighten up and stop looking so desperate (even tho you say you are not outwardly revealing this, the way you talk of dating ANYone in this group I find it hard to believe this doesn't show in your mannerisms) and STOP the obsessing than this is exactly what may happen. The light joking and ribbing they are doing now might turn into cruel jokes and such if you continue to go down the same exact path in regards to your behaviors and not make changes.

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I do know that when I was drunk at that thing, I NEVER let on that I liked him, like actually say it. I had enough of my wits around me to NOT do that. I do know that I kept worrying if he was going to think bad of me and hate me, and that was it.

 

One person did guess that I liked him (but she doesn't hang out with our group, she just fences with us).

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so what if you like someone?

 

i used to think this way- DON'T LET ANYONE KNOW IF YOU LIKE THEM!! - so what if they do? make a joke of it ..yeah i have a crush on you- big deal.. who cares... i have a crush.. the end.

 

the bottom line is you have to start to trust yourself and who you are- stop worrying about your flaws and what not....

 

trust me on this ... i have been the same way all of my life- until i finally realized it just doesn't matter what anyone else thinks! it really doesn't!!

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I do know that when I was drunk at that thing, I NEVER let on that I liked him, like actually say it. I had enough of my wits around me to NOT do that. I do know that I kept worrying if he was going to think bad of me and hate me, and that was it.

 

One person did guess that I liked him (but she doesn't hang out with our group, she just fences with us).

 

Ren, you said you were in his lap crying and asking him to not be mad at you and forgive you, etc. I think that action was a strong inferrence that you had a crush.

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so what if you like someone?

 

i used to think this way- DON'T LET ANYONE KNOW IF YOU LIKE THEM!! - so what if they do? make a joke of it ..yeah i have a crush on you- big deal.. who cares... i have a crush.. the end.

 

the bottom line is you have to start to trust yourself and who you are- stop worrying about your flaws and what not....

 

trust me on this ... i have been the same way all of my life- until i finally realized it just doesn't matter what anyone else thinks! it really doesn't!!

 

I agree. it is kindergarten'ish to be so concerned that another person in the group might know you like this guy. So what? Just try not to be so concerned about winning his attention and just ENJOY yourself and the camaraderie and social events that this group is providing. Ren you were so upset months ago because you had no friends and were lonely - now look where you have ended up in a group going to parties and social activities. This is a GOOD thing and i fear your worry and obsession is going to ruin it for you. I know you want someone to date but before you were so involved with this group you were saying how desperate you were for just even FRiENDS do don't blow all the chances you have now to avoid loneliness.

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HHWH, how did you start to not let things bother you, people's opinions bother you, and just to relax? I want so much to be liked by people, because I want a steady group of friends that sometimes it probably makes me look weird or overly sensitive to others.

 

I know these people like me and accept me, because they talk to me, include me in things, joke around with me, etc. I am letting my crush on this guy cloud my judgement. And also, I am jealous of that girl getting his attention and this other guy's.

 

A lot of times I wonder what I may be doing that doesn't seem to attract guys. I think I don't flirt well. I try my hand at joking. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't.

 

I also don't know if people are joking with me at MY expense, and part of me worries about that. Although, I have been told, just go along with it, and people will respect you more and like you.

 

I really want to talk to one of the friends and see if I can clear this up and see if I am being way too serious. But I am not sure if that is the way to approach this.

 

I just don't want to be thought badly or weirdly.

 

Last night, I didn't want to stay so late at the party, but the guy whose house we had the party, he asked me to stick around so he could show me some things on WoW. And then they started to watch a movie, and the guy who I have a crush on, asked me to stay and watch with them.

 

I am confused at this. I do think they like me as a friend.

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A lot of times I wonder what I may be doing that doesn't seem to attract guys. I think I don't flirt well. I try my hand at joking. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't.

 

Most of the time it boils down to are they attracted to you or not. I think you should concentrate less on trying to be someone who is going to attract the guys and be yourself. If someone is attracted to you enough they will ask you out. All of the changing of your personality in the world likely won't change that. Just be yourself and those who find you attractive will ask you out.

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because i realized life is too damn short to worry about what other people thought- not only that everyone.. and i mean EVERYONE has their own insecurities... and confidence is BEAUTIFUL!

 

i started to look around me .. at the people who attracted the most attention ...at the people that i enjoyed being around.. at the people who didn't attract attention ... and i started to make comparisons.. .the people who had confidence in themselves ..and i don't mean .. cocky .. i mean confident in the sense ... that they were secure in who they were - atttracted the most attention because others enjoyed being around them... you didn't have to cottle (sp) .. you didn't have to worry about what you said..they were real.. and comfortable to be around.

 

 

stop worrying what everyone else thinks.. you are 35 yrs old..you support yourself... you are smart..and ive seen your pic.. you are adorable... what do you NOT have that other people do have that you have to judge yourself the way you do???

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JS, I know I need to calm down. I worry so much. I think these people know I worry. Some of them tell me to relax and not worry. For example, a few weeks ago, I was there to play WoW and some of the people decided to go out and get dinner. They asked me if I wanted to join them and I kinda declined because I'm not really part of their group. I eventually accepted becuase they were like "hey, so what, relax and just come along, when you get to know us better, you'll just not even ask and just come along".

 

I guess I am a stickler on politeness and manners a bit too much and not offending people, and they've told me that they are very laid back and relaxed.

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This goes way beyond politeness and manners and i (and others) keep urging you to try to relax because Ren there will come a time when they will get really weary dealing with this anxeity. I know personally that people who are constantly worrying and constantly looking for validation drive me bananas and i end up avoiding them over time if they don't stop. It is way too smothering to be around someone like that. What you are doing is going to have the very result of what you fear so much - if you DONT stop worrying about if they like you then you are likely going to CAUSE them not to like you. I am sure right now they do, but i can tell by your posts that some of them are starting to say or do things that might suggest they are getting a bit tired of needing to reassure you all the time. Don't sabotage this....this is the very type of group you have longed for for a very long time. Every person has their own problems and the last thing people want to do is have to constantly reassure the same person all the time that all is well and that they are liked.

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I am also confused. JS you say they are starting to poke jokes at my expense, but they do include me in things too. I get invited to the parties. They also take the time to show me how to play WoW, even though I'm slow at it. And they ask me to stick around and watch movies.

 

I should just not worry and go to things when I want to, leave when I want to, and not worry if that other girl is getting the attention of the guy I like, etc.

 

Otherwise, do you think I should talk to the mutual friend

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No I am saying that they MIGHT have poked a little joke or two but that I was not sure if they did or not. I can assure you that this might get worse if that is the case if you continue to be such a worry wart. I said that the thing with the phone SEEMED like they might have been poking some fun at you but since i didn't hear the convo i couldn't be sure of that at all.

 

You worry then when someone points something out you start answering your own quesitons, such as in this case you are now saying they do like you and they do invite you to parties, and such....so WHY do you obsess over wondering if they like you if you KNOW that they do? I think you know that right now they do like you but you choose to obsess over it anyway. It's like you have this deep rooted urge to sabotage your place in this group of friends.

 

That is why i said if this continues their 'like' can easily shift to irritation if it doesn't stop.

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another thing Ren ... you can't look at this group as your friends.. meaning you cant look at them like these are the people who will have your back... and be there for through thick and thin...because the majority of them won't.... and in a few years time.. or even months- the group will separate ..get smaller or the people who do activities with you will come and go... if you make ONE genuine friend in the ENTIRE group .. thats a GOOD THING.

 

otherwise look at these people as activity friends and thats it...

 

here's a story- i had this group of friends that i hung out with ALL THE TIME- we would go to movies, hiking, camping, the beach, concerts, festivals.. or just hang out... out to dinner... laugh, joke around, talk etc...

 

they were all single.

 

things between my boyfriend and i became more serious..i started spending more time with him... and then i got engaged and my life has changed... ask me how many of those "friends" have called me since i have been engaged?? go ahead.. ask?

 

maybe 1 out of a group of 8 or 9-

 

i dont take it personal because i have seen them do the EXACT same thing to other people whose lives changed- they suddenly weren't a part of the "single" crew ..so they were no longer welcome in the group.

 

i miss them -of course i do ...but will i give up spending time with my fiance to make nice with this group... heck no.

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JS, how do I stop this?

 

How do I just relax?

 

Whenever I'm around people, I worry so much. I want to stop (because I CAN see that it WILL be a problem down the road).

 

I try to joke around but I don't seem to be good at it.

 

And you are right, these people DO accept me and like being around me (hence why I do get invited to parties and such).

 

It's like I can tell they like me, but part of me is subsconsciously sabotaging it becuase I don't feel like I deserve it.

 

I may just pull away from this group for now (and just fence only), so I don't do any more damage. For example, I was invited over to play WoW tomorrow night (since it's their questing night).

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I do understand this point. I see these people mostly as friends since we share activities and groups in common. If I was to stop doing the fencing and SCA stuff, most of the friendships would disappear.

 

Most friends in life are mostly just activity friends or friends from work. Throughout life, we only have a few long-term friends.

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