For the guys: Do you have an expectation of sex? (in the following scenario..)

[secretness87]

Sex can be a fun private activity you share with your partner. It doesn't have to be this romanticized monumental event that had all this religious dogma heaped upon it. That actually ruins it in my opinion and sets people up for failure by not finding out if they're sexually compatible ahead of time.

 

It's one thing to find out if your sexually compatible..but what if the girl just isn't comfortable with you yet? Comfortable as in taking that next step? It's not like you can force her to be comfortable with you, so then you guys can have sex. The way I see it is, if a guy and a girl have sex too early, where the girl isn't comfortable yet, it can ruin the sexual compatibility because the girl won't be as open to do stuff. Whereas, if they wait a while, and she's comfortable with him, then she'll be more open to him sexually, and the sex will be great. You see where I'm coming from? I guess that's why I wanted to know what guys thought of this. Because I still think sex after the 3rd or 4th date is too early, but I guess it just depends on what happens on those dates and what would lead up to the sex lol.

 

I am not waiting for six months to have sex with a girl. That's six months to find out if are sexually compatible, risking the friends zone or having a relationship where the sex never happens and if the person is that nervous about sex it also makes me wonder if they are stable enough to be in a relationship to begin with.

 

Well, I think if the girl really liked the guy, even after 6 months, she would not let him slip into the friend zone. Actually, if they really both liked each other, I don't think any of them would be friend zoned. There are many couples out there who have waited to have sex (not necessarily until marriage, but just several months) sex was great, and they are still together. *shrug*

[Sparkly Eyes]

let me tell you, always act by your standards and find someone who accepts them! if a guy leaves me after 4 dates for not having sex I would be sooo happy to lose him actually and at the same time sad for him because of what he lost,lol! personally tho, if I feel attracted to a guy and feel comfortable with him, I would have sex with him within one or two months. But if a guy wants to pressure me into it or anything I would let him go.

[Kiteless]

See my point is this, the OP would be making this information available pretty close to the beginning of a relationship. Therein lies the "Weed out the incompatible ones" statement. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to wait to have sex. She is just asking how to guys feel about it, and I say, who cares? Worry about how the guys you date meet your expectations.

[Nutz]

It's not like you can force her to be comfortable with you, so then you guys can have sex.

 

For the young and/or inexperienced I could see how that would seem to be the case, but experience has proven that's just not true.

[My Advice]

let me tell you, always act by your standards and find someone who accepts them! if a guy leaves me after 4 dates for not having sex I would be sooo happy to lose him actually and at the same time sad for him because of what he lost,lol! personally tho, if I feel attracted to a guy and feel comfortable with him, I would have sex with him within one or two months. But if a guy wants to pressure me into it or anything I would let him go.

 

Four dates or even a few months is different than SIX months. I can wait for more than four dates. I can wait for a couple months but not SIX MONTHS.

 

 

 

 

 

You actually can pressure somebody to behave a certain way until they are comfortable with it. I don't, but you can.

 

I am not looking to put heavy pressure on somebody. If I have to go that far, they have sexual issues I do not want to be involved with.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Four dates or even a few months is different than SIX months. I can wait for more than four dates. I can wait for a couple months but not SIX MONTHS.

 

 

 

 

 

You actually can pressure somebody to behave a certain wait until they are comfortable with it. I don't, but you can.

 

I am not looking to put heavy pressure on somebody. If I have to go that far, they have sexual issues I do not want to be involved with.

 

well yeah, for most guys specially the guys that have more experience, six months without sex while you have a girl friend and have to see her every week is a torture! heck, it would be a torture for most girls too. But it does not mean that since a guy can not wait for you, you have to forget your standards, that's the thing. Cause for example Nutz said if after a 3 or 4 dates he does not get any sex he will move on, if I date this person should I sleep with him in a few dates just because he wants me to? no, because it is not what I want. For her, she wants to wait longer, nothing wrong with that nore does it mean she has issues with sexuality.

 

Besides, guys that are not pushy about sex are way more sexy sometimes. Personally if I date a guy and feel he is there for sex and just wants to get it as soon as possible I'd get turned off. But if he acts cool about it and more understanding I may even give it up on first date.

[LOLephant]

I've always been a believer in the school that sex has a definite importance in a relationship, if it exists.

 

If it's absent, there is no expectation, no precident, so it's okay.

 

If there is sex, the frequency definitely becomes important. No other reason on earth but for the fact that if the sex declines for whatever reason...one party will inevitably feel that there is something going wrong (or differently) with the relationship. Sad but true.

 

After awhile, men and women that get too used to each other stop having sex because it tends to be routine. Instead of knowing this and learning to adapt, partners will tend to think that the relationship itself is actually changing...

[My Advice]

I am hardly the pushy type about sex. Usually when I seduce a woman I do so carefully so she knows it is coming and I myself do NOT like to be touched by people until I know them very well.

 

However I do enjoy sex and six months is HALF a year.

 

If I am not getting it after a few months I give up.

 

Also, people say you should never compromise your standards. WRONG. Sometimes people create irrational, impractical or unhealthy standards.

 

If somebody wants to wait more than a few months it makes me wonder if they are even emotionally healthy and if they do it for religious reasons we are not compatible to begin with given my derision of religion.

[secretness87]

...if I date this person should I sleep with him in a few dates just because he wants me to? no, because it is not what I want. For her, she wants to wait longer, nothing wrong with that nore does it mean she has issues with sexuality.

 

Yeah I agree just because a girl doesn't want to give it up in 4 dates doesn't mean she has a problem with her sexuality. I read in an article msn that the most common mistake that women make while they are dating or in a relationship with someone, is that they sleep with the guy too soon.. which is why I created this thread. I wanted to hear what the guys thought.

 

...If somebody wants to wait more than a few months it makes me wonder if they are even emotionally healthy and if they do it for religious reasons we are not compatible to begin with given my derision of religion.

 

It could be different if they've never had sex before, or are just waiting for marriage. It doesn't mean that they are emotionally unhealthy - they've just never experienced it. I'm not religious, but I used to have the mentality that I was going to wait for marriage.. but since I'm not a virgin anymore, I'm still deciding on whether to be celibate or not.

 

(From reading so many responses in this thread, I'm starting to feel like I just need to find the right guy, since I think my ex really messed up my outlook on sex lol)

[My Advice]

I am not saying there aren't excetions but when people are so staunchly against sex before marriage and they are not religious there are 'often' a lot of emotional problems they don't realize.

 

In either event they wouldn't be compatible with me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Worried, if a guy has a twelve inch penis, and he can prove it, wouldn't you rather run and leap on it after the second date instead of pretending to be shy about it?