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I M Trapped--Not able to understand my own feelings towards him


Prachi_Sri01

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Hi....I am a pretty emotional person whose childhood was spent in hostels and vtout love.I had been searching 4 it alws.I met many ppl but none of them cud make me feel secure and happy.In my 24 yrs of life it was wen I raeched 1 southindian college for my MBA tat I met one Southindian Guy......And my all pains and insecurity were gone.Those were 2 most beautiful yrs of mine is very serious abt me and wants to marry me.I m a northindian,Lucknow Girl.I had been a very obedient kinda gal to my parents.I told abt him to Mom and bro.Then I was bogged down by their hatred towards him. They say he's ugly and cant match me.I vl be trapped in the cultural differences which I accept are too wide for any girl to handle.1 mth I was in home i got full dosage on it.Like evry1 vl hate him.No 1 vl like him to come to their homes,and I vl be totaly separated form my society..Now, after tat 1 mth,I came back.Tat guy is working hard Day and night to make a home for me and settle himself so tat he can ask my hand form my parents.Other side my Mom and brother r warning me tat this Love fever vl go and I vl get struck up in sth tat I m not used to and tat I dont like for whole of my life.I will have to eat IDLI DOSA my whole life and I wont be able to survive as I wud be expected to make myself accustomed to their lifestyle. The result is I m becoming more and more depressed,moody and defeated everyday.I have started getting the feelings tat it was better was I not born on this earth and slowly slowly my feelings for him are also getting faded. I have talked the whole thing to him many times and he has assured me tat he will take care of my feelings and vl keep me happy my whole life but still I m not able to make myslef accept it knowing he is the only person who can understand me...I m afraid I vl lose him and vl never be able to marry any1 else also.I m badly struck.I dont know wat I want I feel like saying "Its Over to him"and sometimes i feel like revolting my parents.I m trapped.Kindly help me out

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Family is very important BUT they can not force you to marry someone. You will need to decide what is important to you, and how you want to live your life. If you want to be independent, you have that right and if you want it bad enough, you can make it happen. Being of your culture, I can understand somewhat what you maybe going thru. I’m sure your family means well. I’m sure they love you and that they want what they think is best for you. But what they don’t seem to understand is that they are asking you to choose between the people you love most. If you break up with your boyfriend, you will always wonder if you did the right thing and you will always harbor resentment toward your family. If you stay with your boyfriend, you lose your parents’ approval and they lose your respect. Either way, your relationship with your parents suffers. Further, the situation puts pressure on your relationship. It can’t evolve naturally so that it either deepens or it doesn’t. At 24, you need the room to explore a relationship and to make your own decision about it. You should have the support and love of your family as you do so. If you love your bf as much as you say you do, then maybe you should consider if you will be able to be with him (in his lifestyle) and if you can do without your family for a while. Is that something you can live with? Who knows, maybe in time your family will accept your choice…Don’t let this situation bring you down, you need to stay strong and do whats right for you.

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Ya I think u r correct...... It is a fact tat my relationship vt tat person has been getting strained lately,........ Bt the good part is v alws talk our probs and i cant keep my feelings hidden from him.I vl show it to him somehow.Accepting ur advice I believe I reALLY FEEL I need to work on my relationship, MAke it strong and fulfilling.Recently I had started fighting vt him in small small issues.He is working v.hard to establish himself and wen he used to come tired after full tiring day I used to fight vt him vtout offering a work of comfort or support.Yesterday only I decided I wont spoil the only happiness I got in my life and vl see wat happens.........

The only thing I wonder is how is it tat PArents dont understd wat child wants....... This time watever I say to them is an utter foolishness to them. They think I have gone mad...... ANd The biggest thing is........ They feel tat LOVE etc. is childish. It doesnt matter......... After living vt someone for whole life u vl start loving tat person.. How can this be possible......... Is it sth like watever v ppl feel is all foolish.......... I really don't understand it........... If I say tat guy is serious for me they say........ He wud be making u a fool...He will change............ I am not able to digest the way each and every feeling of mine is rejected and declared as useless....... As if it isnt worth anything..........

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Lol, Yes, I am more of a roti girl!

 

Prachi_Sri01

If he is working so hard at making a life for you both, then be supportive. I cannot say I would even know how hard it is for you, with your family against the life you want. If he makes you happy, then be his happiness. If you let the negativity increase, you will push him away as well.

About the whole parents thing...I am not sure myself. Dont expect them to always understand and agree with you but ask them to respect what you want in your life. You are their daughter and I am sure that with time they will understand.

Stay calm and stay happy. It seems like you have a good responsible guy who loves you and wants to fight your battles with you. Take that in and be there for him too.

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Lol, Yes, I am more of a roti girl!

 

Prachi_Sri01

If he is working so hard at making a life for you both, then be supportive. I cannot say I would even know how hard it is for you, with your family against the life you want. If he makes you happy, then be his happiness. If you let the negativity increase, you will push him away as well.

About the whole parents thing...I am not sure myself. Dont expect them to always understand and agree with you but ask them to respect what you want in your life. You are their daughter and I am sure that with time they will understand.

Stay calm and stay happy. It seems like you have a good responsible guy who loves you and wants to fight your battles with you. Take that in and be there for him too.

Ya............... I m trying to be like tat............ Aaj I spent good time vt him after a long time....................... Its after a long time tat I was free vt him......... It was very relaxing to me..................... I really felt great........... Actually By this time I had decided I will be vt him only tats y i cud be free vt him................... The only thing I wonder is how i m going to face my society................ I dont want to leave them toooo...............

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Lol, Yes, I am more of a roti girl!

 

Prachi_Sri01

If he is working so hard at making a life for you both, then be supportive. I cannot say I would even know how hard it is for you, with your family against the life you want. If he makes you happy, then be his happiness. If you let the negativity increase, you will push him away as well.

About the whole parents thing...I am not sure myself. Dont expect them to always understand and agree with you but ask them to respect what you want in your life. You are their daughter and I am sure that with time they will understand.

Stay calm and stay happy. It seems like you have a good responsible guy who loves you and wants to fight your battles with you. Take that in and be there for him too.

 

I have been supportive but wat to do.............. Our parents................. Wen I go to his home i feel a very strange thing from his mom side............. I realise v.well tat perhaps she doesnt like me............ I dont want to go there but he alws compels me to come to his home................... I m in a difficult position................ My mood goes off wenever I go to his home.............. His mother is so much concerned abt my dresses......... My looks tat it bothers me..................... For... Ex. She said............ YA..... Let her cover her face fully else she vl get more pimples than wat she is getting now.................... Every now and Then she keeps commenting on my dresses....... Their colors.....etc tat really irritates me.... I dont know how to react to these things.............

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are you living in his hometown?

you have to let these things go...dont let her bother you! thats what mother-in-laws do...if she comments on the colors of your outfits, your skin, your hair, face whatever... just ignore it, its only going to bring you down! and no one should be able to do that to you! Have confidence in urself, and if you really want to say something to her, just say, well your son likes my looks, and that all that matters.

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are you living in his hometown?

you have to let these things go...dont let her bother you! thats what mother-in-laws do...if she comments on the colors of your outfits, your skin, your hair, face whatever... just ignore it, its only going to bring you down! and no one should be able to do that to you! Have confidence in urself, and if you really want to say something to her, just say, well your son likes my looks, and that all that matters.

 

Ya I m living in his hometown ....................... Practically it was done so tat I vl be able to adapt to his environment.............. But many-a-times I find myself quite depressed........ too................. We have been in COllege together for 1 and half yrs............... Now I find it so difficult to manage vtout his prsence.................. AS I told he is working hard to establish himself vt in another 1 and half yrs so tat v can go to my parents............ But this involves a lot of sacrifices.................. Like living alone................ THere was a time wen v used to b toether full day......... Now my full day goes in the hostel waiting for him to come back........... And then also v are able to meet only for 1-2 hours................ I m going into depression, insecurity..... irritation... And wat not................ I m not able to accept the change tat has come in my life................... Knowing I shd not do like this I fight vt him.................. Feel like going back to my home............ Feel insecure abt my future.............. In my mind my parents' words start flashing that love marriages can never be successful.............. I m in utter depression.... DOnt know wat to do ............

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