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Get over him or keep hoping?


amyb

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I'll begin by saying that I first met this guy about six and a half years ago while on vacation in Europe. We fell in love but since it was only a vacation we decided to remain friends. We stayed in touch although we didn't see each other again for almost 6 years. I had the opportunity to go back and stay in that country for several months. In the months leading up to my return there we became closer than ever by talking/chatting on a daily basis. Although we never discussed it we both knew that upon my arrival we would be getting back together (we both happened to be single and still had feelings for each other). So I went and we spent those few months together and our feelings for each other grew even more. While I was there he asked if it was possible for me to live there. I told him it was hard for me to be so far from my family. He really tried to bring us closer together but I was too afraid to make the commitment to leave my life here behind. So I came back to Canada as planned - again he and I decided to remain friends, but we don't talk nearly as much as before (maybe once a week). A few days after I came back to Canada I told him that I really missed him and that I was sorry I didn't give our relationship a chance. He told me that we should both accept the fact that we can't be together because of the distance and try to move on. I have to admit that I deserve that since I know it is my fault things didn't work out. But it has been 5 months now and I really miss him. I can't get over him and I don't know how I ever will. To make matters worse, I have a feeling that he has met someone else (he hasn't confirmed this, but I saw something on his facebook profile that made me suspicious). So now I am more depressed than ever. I don't know what to do. Should I just try to get over him, or should I keep hoping that maybe we can get back together? Should I ask him if he is seeing someone else? And if so, how can I do this without making myself seem like a fool? I don't want him to think I am obsessed with him, especially since I don't know how he feels about me anymore. He should be mad at me, but he's been really nice to me all this time. What should I do?

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You should just call him up and work something out with him! I mean like meet each other half way! You've accepted the fact that you two are far apart from each other now you should discuss that you two should see other people for now and when you're ready to make that commitment that you two should get together! I mean because if the relationship was meant to work it will, never lose your hope in something that you believe in and if you believe that you want to be with this person then if it was meant to be it will happen!

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I was in a similiar situation to you in the past. Met a guy while living abroad, fell hard for each other, and then I had to go home. We also kept in touch via online and phone over a few years and when I ended a different relationship, we became even closer and he came to the US from the UK to visit me. After the visit, I wanted to pursue the relationship but he thought it would be too difficult. I was depressed about it for a while but we stayed friends once again.

 

Anyway, the lesson that I learned from it was that it can be very difficult to keep a relationship going under those kind of circumstances unless it's already a very solidified relationship to begin with. In my situation it was this hot and heavy affair but the foundations for a true relationship weren't built yet. If you have very strong feelings for him you should think about whether you should consider moving to where he is to pursue the relationship, because that may be the only way that it would work. I think the fact that you were already uneasy about leaving your own life (rightly so, it's a huge deal) is a sign that you may not be able to put so much into it. And that is a completely valid conslusion to come to, as difficult as it is to admit. Give yourself some more time, you care deeply for this person so it's not going to be easy to figure out what you need to do. If you decide that you should not hold out hope for being with him, you may need to just stay out of contact for a while so you can heal on your own. After some time, you will probably gain some perspective and be more at peace with the outcome and at that point you can see if you're able to be friends with him. That is pretty much what happened with me, we are friends and I hold him in high regard as a past love but I am content with how it all turned out. Anyway, good luck, I know how difficult it is and how unfair it feels to be so far from someone you really care for.

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Thanks to both of you for the input. I actually feel a little better. I realize that I have to wait it out and see what happens, also give him some space so he can sort things out too. Its hard to not keep in contact though - we were good friends for so long that I don't want to lose him, I would rather be just friends than lose all contact with him. We talked today (not about us, just some friendly chit chat). Sometimes I feel like I should get over him and move on, but other times I really miss him and feel really depressed. I guess if it was meant to be, then it will.

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