Jump to content

bf depressed thinks he "can't" satisfy me.


thatdoggirl

Recommended Posts

Ok so here's what's going on. My bf and I broke up but we're in the process of working on the issues to that maybe we can work towards rebuilding the relationship.

 

One of the major issues was sex. I've actually got a pretty high sex drive and enjoyed it very much. He's the only guy I've ever been with. I'm able to orgasm on my own when masturbating but have only been able to orgasm once with him and it was through foreplay... fingering/g spot. For whatever reasons he tries to explain to me that he doesn't think it's necessary for us to talk about suggestions and stuff like that for when it comes to sex. I'd know it's uncomfortable sometimes to talk about but we've been together a year and a half and I think that communication about it is important and I wouldn't mind giving suggestions. He has it in his mind that we learn about what are partner likes and doesn't like just by doing it and finding out... that it should just come naturally I guess.

 

This doesn't mean that he doesn't put any effort into it. We've tried different positions and he's tried different stuff with his hands and I've tried to get him to do stuff that feels good for me during sex. I've experimented with different positions on top. And he is able to last for a while but sometimes he'll have to stop which is understandable but overall he's great. I really appreciate that he gives all this effort and wants to satisfy me.

 

However, it bothers him a lot that he can't seem to get me to orgasm. He told me recently that after sex he feels depressed because he is able to satisfy himself but can't get me to and in turn that makes him feel selfish.

 

I really wish he didn't feel this way because for me, I'm not bothered by it. I was bothered by it a long time ago in the past because of how I did once and thought that it was sure to happen again and when it didn't I was frustrated but that was many many months ago. I've stopped worrying about all of that because in the end I am satisfied by just sharing that intimacy with him and knowing that he puts effort into pleasuring me and it feels good. There are even times where I feel close. I'm sure it's possible that I may be able to orgasm with him again someday but I don't think that should be the focus of it anyway. If it happens it happens.

 

So to the point... is there anything I could do or say that would help with this situation? I've already told him how I don't want him to feel that way because I do enjoy sex and that it doesn't bother me and how I don't think he is selfish at all. But none of that makes him feel any better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If hes not willing to talk about what you want and how to improve it then he will feel frustrated and upset. You need to tell him what you want. HE NEEDS to communicate and so do you. Tell him this.

 

Just keep reassuring him that he is good, and that 75 % of women cant come from penetrative sex alone. This is a fact!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tell him that you like him the way he is. I have a hard time having an orgasm and prior to my boyfriend, no guy was ever capable of doing so without me using any clit stimulation. Mind you, that has only happened once as well. Am I depressed? No, because I'm sure if it happened once, it can surely happen again. Guys have always told me that it was really difficult to satisfy me, but I don't let it get to me that much. Sex is supposed to be fun, tell him to stop focusing on his shortcoming and just focus on the moment. There are many women out there who has yet to have an orgasm, how do you think they feel? It may help to compliment him on the things that he does do well, thereforee it gets his mind off the pressure.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Here are some nice stats for your boyfriend. They're an average of a lot of studies:

 

Sex research has shown that about 95 percent of men nearly always have orgasm from intercourse while only about 25 percent to 30 percent of women do. Another 30-some-odd percent of women never have orgasm from intercourse, and a middle 30 percent to 40 percent report having them sometimes. Of those that can orgasm during sex, 70 percent need direct clitoral stimulation. Finally, 10 - 15 percent of women have NEVER had an orgasm.

 

You need to educate your boyfriend a little here. First off he has to have a look at these statistics and accept the fact that the way the numbers break down, it just might be the way it is. I'm not pulling these stats out of my butt. They have been collected over a long period of time and are very consistent. Make him read them if he won't believe you.

 

Second, if he even wants to try to improve the odds, he has to actually listen to you and chat with you, not just randomly try things and hope he figures it out. You have to help him understand that it has nothing to do with how much of a man he is or how good in bed he is. You also need to let him know that being all depressed about it puts enormous pressure on you which is making it even less likely to happen. I really wish I understood why men make such a huge deal out of this. The best sex I have ever had has been with guys who don't put the emphasis on the end result for either him or myself.

 

As soon as he is willing to relax and accept real world advice and facts, he and you will be much happier.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is a good example of why I think waiting until you're married to have sex is such a huge mistake.

 

As for the OP, COMMUNICATION is the only thing that's going to fix your problems. If you cannot openly talk about what you need in the bedroom then you or your bf are not mature enough for this serious of a relationship. I suggest looking for older guys with a bit more experience in this department.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nutz, no offense, but I don't see how marriage has any real impact on this topic whatsoever. I agree with the rest though.

 

It's a carryover to those that were involved in this thread. If you weren't involved then don't worry about it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...