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Ex is bugging me to meet up with him as friends


Ruede

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One of (not the only, but one of) the reasons I left my now-ex was because he latched onto me to an extreme. I was his only friend, really, for two years... and since then, I don't think he's actually made friends, past the acquaintances he has at work. He can be immature, and for whatever reason... still hasn't been meeting people...

 

He calls me frequently enough, despite the fact that I don't go out of my way to call or communicate with him. It's been half a year now. I feel pity for him so I've been amiable enough over the phone. I haven't gone out with him for... I don't remember how long. It's been... almost half a year.

 

Usually what happens is, he suggests doing something on the weekend and is either too tired from having been working during the week, or I make an excuse. But the fact is, he keeps bringing it up. And tonight he wants to do something with me.

 

Is this the point at which I just need to be mean and make someone hate me? I think if he got along with my group of friends, or had a group of his own, I wouldn't mind SO much going to see him... but the way things have been, it's almost like I'm in the same rut I was when I was actually dating him, where he'd make me feel constantly guilty if I wasn't around / obligated to go out with him. I spent so much money on him, too... I do NOT want go spend money tonight; I'm in a long distance relationship with someone else right now and need that money to travel to see him... and I'm not letting HIM pay because that is too date-ish.

 

What do I say to let him down as lightly as possible, but get my freaking point accross?! It's been almost half a year since I've seen him and I wish he would just let up about it!!!

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Just tell him straight up that you do not feel comfortable with spending time with him one on one. The issue isn't with him per se, but the fact that you aren't really friends with him to begin with. I know you feel bad about the situation, but if you don't do it now he's going to get the wrong idea. You can tell him you don't mind talking to him occasionally, but the hanging out part is a big no no. Put your foot down, and don't let anyone take your kindness as a weakness. If you feel uncomfortable with the idea, there's a good reason for that.

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