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How do you forget an ex who did nothing wrong?


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Hello everybody,

 

 

I think I've taken the backseat all these while, so now I'm here to share and perhaps someone, anyone give me some advice to this.

 

 

How do you forget an ex who did absolutely nothing wrong?

 

 

We were happy before we broke up but because of hectic school commitments, we decided that it was best we break up. I was the one who initiated it because I felt devastated as though I wasn't part of his priorities in life. He told me that he didn't want to hurt me, and that he needed time to think.

 

After a few days, he told me that it was better for us to be friends.

 

I was too heartbroken and told him that I can't be his friend anymore.

 

He just replied OK, and off his phone.

 

 

It's been 2 months ever since we broke up and I realised how much I really love him. Now I really want things to work out between us. I remembered the times he would always be there for me, drew lovely handmade cards for me, even after countless times I pushed him away.

 

 

Anyway,I got drunk last friday night. A girl friend text him and told him that I was drunk. He immediately called her back and asked where was I. She told me to talk to him, but I didn't have the courage to talk to him. He probably heard me telling that to my girl friend. He text me and called me a few times, but I off my phone. My girl friend even told him that I missed him and I really loved him and asked him to text me to tell me how he felt.

 

He replied her by saying that whatever he was going to say to me is going to hurt me, and told my girlfriend to send me home safely. Upon looking at his text, I was so upset and drank even more.

 

He later text her again and said that he would not come by and pick me, unless I really wanted to see him.

 

 

I am sorry for this long and draggy post, but the incident on friday night is really driving me crazy. Please, someone, tell me something.

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Call him (no texting) and tell him that you are sorry for what happened the other night - it was because you had had a little too much too drink. But say that you really do miss him and wonder if you both made a mistake ending the relationship - and if he feels the same way maybe you should get together to talk about getting things fixed.

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Be careful as far as rumors go. YOu don't know what he is going to say unless HE says. I made that mistake five years ago with a girl with vicious rumors that she supposedly said. Turned out she never did that it was one of my close friends trying to make sure i never talked to her again so he could get into her pants.

 

Let him know how you feel. It is better to get it off your chest then wondering the what ifs

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DN:

 

I would really wished I could talk to him, but at the same time, I am so AFRAID he would tell me something I don't wanna hear. He already told my friend that whatever he is going to tell me is going to hurt me. I can't risk another 2 months of pain. I don't wanna go back to where I started of from. I'm too scared. of rejection.

 

 

Venitianblinds:

 

I am going crazy the past one day. I've been contemplating of messaging him, because in that way, there weren't be awkward pauses during the conversation. I don't wanna end up crying over the phone, I don't wanna him see the best of me. My friends tell me to ask him how he feel about me. But when it comes to talking to him, I get all tongue tied. Again, I don't wanna go back to where I started from 2 months ago when we broke up. It's just so hard, I don't even know whether I can take another blow.

 

 

 

Anyway, thank you both for listening to me(:

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OP - I'm not going to lie, I personally think it's harder to get over an ex who never did anything majorly wrong than it is to get over an ass who treated you really badly. I know. My ex - aside from a few small immature teenage boy thoughtlessness -never did anything to hurt me. yet, he broke up with me and his kind nature made it much much harder to get over him.

 

I know everyone's probably telling you this and you're sick to death of hearing it, but please go NC until you are over him. It's been eight months since the ex and I broke up, and it's literally only in the past few weeks I can say I'm over him. Even despite this, I still fear him finding someone else even though I don't want him myself and have other such contradictory behaviour and feelings regarding him. I'm still not entirely there, but if I had not been in NC for the majority of these eight months, I would be doing a whole lot worse.

 

You're going to have to work harder than most people in order to get over this guy. You won't have the fury or the anger or the hurt as if he had cheated on you or abused you in any way. You're going to have to stick rigidly to NC, throw yourself into your interests and spend as much time keeping yourself busy as possible.

 

I know how this feels, but you will get there. Good luck.

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Not knowing believe it or not is worse than knowing, at lease you will not continue with the what IF’s otherwise it will drive you out of your mind not knowing, only once you know the truth can you really move forward with whatever the results are, one on one is the only way it will be resolved to much can go wrong texting and when there is a middle man things get lost in translation, invite him to somewhere where you feel comfortable ask him just to sit and listen to you first and get it off your chest and then let him speak and tell you how he is feeling and let him finish and then you will know how each other feels and take it from there, no girl friends telling you what he supposedly said or there translation of it just cut right through the rubbish only then can it really work, as my name says EasywayHardway I have done things the hard way I hope this can help you do things the easier way.

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I would really wished I could talk to him, but at the same time, I am so AFRAID he would tell me something I don't wanna hear. He already told my friend that whatever he is going to tell me is going to hurt me. I can't risk another 2 months of pain. I don't wanna go back to where I started of from. I'm too scared. of rejection.

You are already in pain - and because you are unsure of having done the right thing that pain will continue indefinitely. But if you do talk to him and get rejected then you will know, for sure, that it is really over and it is time to move on. Short term pain for long-term gain is better than that in reverse.

 

All relationships, from first approach, contain the risk of rejection. The only way to avoid that is to avoid relationships altogether.

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TBE_1989:

 

I am so glad to hear that you're feeling the same as me, at least I'm not the only one facing this situation. We met through a voluntary camp, and I'm working for them now. It sucks because you get to see old volunteers whom I went to different voluntary activities with him. They usually asked how is he and I get constantly reminded of him. I did NC the last 2 months, and for the matter of fact, I didn't really feel much pain. I felt lonely and sad that everything's over, but never really crying out loud that we are over.

 

Only recently, I went drinking with a girlfriend. That's when I started to think about him more obsessively and after the text messages my gf spontaneously sent out. I think the pain has always been there, just never surfaced. Actually, the past 2 months, I was pretty much in a self-denial mode. I never really talked much to my best girlfriends about how I felt after the break up. They never really understand me, and the pain of the breakup.

 

Because I could connect more with this girlfriend( not my best girlfriends) about relationships, I went ahead telling her how I felt that night.

 

 

I have really no idea what to do. True about the others telling me to call him up and ask him how he feel for me. I think I need more time to muster that amount of courage.

 

 

 

EasywayHardway:

 

 

 

It's true that texting is going to result in words getting changed in translation. I know the what ifs have been troubling me all these while. I really want to know how he feels about me. But I can't call him, I feel as though he might be busy at that point of time and probably think I'm annoying or something. Besides, I don't really know whether he would want to pick up my call in the first place. It's like a hundred and million of thoughts of him rejecting me running all over my head. It's enough t f kill me.

 

 

 

DN:

 

 

 

Upon writing all these, I decided to text him that I wanted to know everything, anything he felt for me for me to get over him. I know calling would be much better, but I just wanna know his initial response before speaking to him on the phone. I thought maybe this would be better. If he's going to reply something nasty, then at least I am ready for something even worse. What do you think?

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MissKitty16:

 

I don't even know whether I really initiated it. I read his blog, and realised that he misses his singlehood and playing basketball with his mates on Saturdays. I just told him that if he wanted his singlehood back, then just go ahead because I was hit by his words that " relationships are annoying".

 

He said he needed time to think, and then finally after a few days he told me that it was better for us to be friends. He also added that he couldn't commit to the relationship perhaps because of busy work schedules at school.

 

For the part of whether he was seeing anyone, I don't know whether he has been seeing anyone lately. I've been trying to avoid facebook as much as possible, and even so, there weren't anything about any girl or whatsoever.I hope there really issnt.

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To Al-icia

 

DN has gone into more detail on what I was saying I have had problems and big arguments over misinterpreting text messages, but if that’s how you feel is the best way for you to go then I will not say that is wrong ,just passing on my bad experiences with texting and misinterpretations and I have always managed to sort out what seemed to be big problems by going to the horse’s mouth, rather then the horses other end ,middle man is a big killer and all the stuff that seemed really bad was built up by other people and myself in my head before hand ,and when you finally take care of it, I had built up much worse in my head then in reality when it happened ,so I think you could imagine a lot worse than that could actually really happen.

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EasywayHardway:

 

 

As you know from my previous reply, I text him in the end. I told him to tell me everything, anything that could make me get over him. I want to know how he felt. He haven't replied me yet, in hindsight, I don't think he even intended to reply me.

 

 

so..I WAS CURIOUS, and checked out his facebook. Just minutes ago, he was commenting on other people's pictures and he issn't online.I know he probably blocked me from MSN again, I just know it. Doesnt this spell everything?

 

FACEBOOK..i really hate facebook. i shouldn't have checked.i shouldn't.

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Actually, he wrote that" relationships are annoying" on his blog, thats why I was really upset. I mean, it's not just me being petty or overly sensitive right.

 

I think I've done my best to try save the relationship. I feel angry now, that he blocked me again on msn. He can just jolly well tell me he doesnt want t see me anymore in his life, and I will be off for good.

 

I don't even wanna think about it, maybe contacting him in the first place was already a mistake.

 

I get his point now.

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al-icia,

 

i'm going through something similar to what you are dealing with. my ex was genuinely a good guy and he broke up with me in mid december because he didn't see a future for us together. We were together for 14 months and he was my best friend. We're both in graduate school and will be finishing next year when everyone moves all accross the country for jobs. I'm having a very hard time accepting the breakup and I know that NC is all I can do. He already knows that I still want to be with him (I told him that a month ago) but then I left him alone and am doing my best to get over it.

 

In your case, I think it's pretty petty that he blocked you. I think you should take this as a sign and let him be. Perhaps, he'll realize his mistake and contact you and perhaps not. Either way, my thoughts are that you can't go wrong in trying to move on. If you and him are truly meant to work out, no amount of time will let you completely forget your feelings for him. If you aren't meant to be, moving on will help you get on with your life and you may realize you don't really want to be with him.

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cookiedough1:

 

Yeah, he didn't reply my text when I told him that I really wanted to speak to him again. I guess this is how he is trying to move on without me, or what not. Whatever is it now, I'm going to stick to strict NC.

 

I want to be selfish. I need to be selfish. I have to think about me. and only then I could move on.

 

If we're meant to be, I'm sure and believe one day we will cross paths again.

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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