Don't think he liked the idea

[rice.bunny]

So unfortunately, I deleted that thread about whether I should call or not call a guy I went on a date with after he told me he'd call me. He ended up calling like he said he would but both of us were leaving (he asked me out to dinner with him and his older step-sister) sadly, I had gotten a call from my best friend that her car died in another nearby town and had to go pick her up. He said he would call me today to tell me if he decided to go up north to visit his cousin and if not then we had plans to go have lunch with another couple. He hadn't called by noon, so I texted him and my friend was getting antsy so I called him after. I know it probably made me seem impatient but I suck under peer pressure and my friend was starving. He ended up deciding to visit his cousin and we talked for a little bit on the phone. There were a few awkward moments, from what I gathered as both of us stumbled over our words.

 

He asked if I wanted to get pie at this one place near where I live that serves the best pie in the area tomorrow night. I said that I would love to and remembered that he really liked thai food. I'm a pretty efficient cook when it comes to Thai food (My father is from Thai land and my mother is a second generation Thai immigrant). I told him that I had a lot of thai food in my fridge and maybe I could make dinner for him and then we can go out to get pie.

 

That's where things kinda went downhill, at least I think so. He said that it would be good and kind of tried to change the subject to what I was doing and how he really wanted to hang out with "me and the other couple." I didn't bring up the food again as I kind of felt that he found it a little awkward by his tone. He said, "So tomorrow we definitely will get together for thai OR pie." And being as naive and nervous as I am, I said, "Yeah. I'll make dinner and we could get some pie afterward." There was a little silence on the phone and then he told me to tell the other couple that he was sorry that he couldn't hang out with us. We ended the phone call with him asking if he could call me tonight, and I said that was fine and hoped he had fun with his cousin.

 

So, now I'm stuck wondering if my suggestion to cook for him wasn't a good idea. We've only been on one date so maybe that was too forward or fast? What do you guys think?

[ponyboy]

Yeah the pie thing seems to be a little too much to me. I mean yall allready had a date to go eat pie, which im assuming is pizza. The suggestion for dinner first seemed unecessary because he allready established he wanted to take you out and eat pie. You could have cooked for him another day lol.

[veda999]

the dinner thing may have scared him a bit, a little too domestic. depends on the guy, you said things were awkward.

I believe that if the connection is there nothing you do is wrong. Back off a little he will be back.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Yeah the pie thing seems to be a little too much to me. I mean yall allready had a date to go eat pie, which im assuming is pizza. The suggestion for dinner first seemed unecessary because he allready established he wanted to take you out and eat pie. You could have cooked for him another day lol.

 

I think pie meant dessert pie such as apple pie, not pizza pie.

 

It sounds like he wanted you to hang out this evening and you didn't want to..also perhaps he misunderstood and thought it was Thai food or the pie. I just think you were both nervous and got your wires crossed. I am sure it will iron itself out. In fact, you can perhaps lighten things up a bit with him and tell him that it would be neat to have an evening of Thai and Pie since it rhymes!

[lila...]

You've only been on one date before so I think cooking for him this soon might seem a bit too much. I'd suggest you just go for the pie and cook for him on another date But don't worry, the cooking suggestion wasn't a bad idea so don't worry about looking too forward, I'm sure most guys wouldn't respond badly to this (who doesn't like being cooked their favorite food?), just a little soon in my opinion.

[rice.bunny]

Yeah the pie thing seems to be a little too much to me. I mean yall allready had a date to go eat pie, which im assuming is pizza. The suggestion for dinner first seemed unecessary because he allready established he wanted to take you out and eat pie. You could have cooked for him another day lol.

 

It was pie for dessert. There's this really nice place where they serve all kinds of pie by the slice. I've only been there once but that was with a group of people.

 

the dinner thing may have scared him a bit, a little too domestic. depends on the guy, you said things were awkward.

I believe that if the connection is there nothing you do is wrong. Back off a little he will be back.

 

We've known each other for a little over a year and I always bring stuff that I've made, such as cookies or cakes, for him and our friends. But maybe you're right, he did hesitate when I first mentioned it.

 

I think pie meant dessert pie such as apple pie, not pizza pie.

 

It sounds like he wanted you to hang out this evening and you didn't want to..also perhaps he misunderstood and thought it was Thai food or the pie. I just think you were both nervous and got your wires crossed. I am sure it will iron itself out. In fact, you can perhaps lighten things up a bit with him and tell him that it would be neat to have an evening of Thai and Pie since it rhymes!

 

This evening he wouldn't have been in town. We scheduled a lunch date on the premise that he was going to choose going to eat with me over visiting his cousin. I told him that there wasn't any pressure to hang out with me and could do what he wanted. He had planned to visit his cousin a few months ago.

 

You've only been on one date before so I think cooking for him this soon might seem a bit too much. I'd suggest you just go for the pie and cook for him on another date But don't worry, the cooking suggestion wasn't a bad idea so don't worry about looking too forward, I'm sure most guys wouldn't respond badly to this (who doesn't like being cooked their favorite food?), just a little soon in my opinion.

 

Yeah. I should've thought it through before suggesting it but it came really naturally because I cook a lot for friends and stuff. I kinda knew he wasn't really into that idea when he hesitated on the phone then said, "Oh, that'd be fun." Although we had made plans, nothing really planned out, for me to cook dinner for him but that was before we went on our first date. So, I don't know.

[thejigsup]

It could be as simple as he doesn't like Thai food. Some people don't, my bf among them. If I had offered to cook Thai for him when we first met, we most likely would never have started dating.

[rice.bunny]

It could be as simple as he doesn't like Thai food. Some people don't, my bf among them. If I had offered to cook Thai for him when we first met, we most likely would never have started dating.

 

One of our first conversations revolved around food and we both found that we liked the same kind of food, Asian. He's traveled to Asia countless times and really enjoys spicy Asian cuisine. We had even made unofficial plans to go to a Thai store, pick out ingredients and cook a Thai meal. That was before we started dating (one date) though.

[rice.bunny]

So, now I'm wondering. If/when he calls me, should I just not bring up making him dinner and stick with us getting pie or tell him it's alright if he doesn't want to come over for dinnr and getting pie is fine?

[Stereohead]

Offering to cook isn’t a bad thing…but I suppose some guys would think it was forward. I actually started dating a guy named Daniel the other day, and on our first date we ended up back at my house to watch the movie Taken and I made him a pizza…nothing extravagant but we were both hungry. Lol

 

But some guys would take it as a forward move because you’re offering them to come to your place…which usually leads to something else. –If you’re so quick in inviting them over…how many other guys were you as quick with…ya know?

 

I’d just lay back for awhile and offer to hang out in public places. I think he feels uneasy about being “purely” alone with you. Perhaps go to a movie or something different. Just let things settle for a bit, and text light conversational messages so he dose know you are interested in him-just not too much.

 

Gah. If you ask me, guys can be complicated. Lol I just wouldn't worry about it.

[Stereohead]

So, now I'm wondering. If/when he calls me, should I just not bring up making him dinner and stick with us getting pie or tell him it's alright if he doesn't want to come over for dinnr and getting pie is fine?

 

Let him call the shots. If you say the second phrase he could think you were annoyed by him not wanting to come over and let you cook for him....Lot of ways remarking on it could make the situation worse. I'd just agree to go along with whatever he feels comfortable with and leaving the other half left out-meaning don't bring that up. Wont confuse him that way, and shows you don't mind going along with what he's comfortable with and wants to do.

[rice.bunny]

Let him call the shots. If you say the second phrase he could think you were annoyed by him not wanting to come over and let you cook for him....Lot of ways remarking on it could make the situation worse. I'd just agree to go along with whatever he feels comfortable with and leaving the other half left out-meaning don't bring that up. Wont confuse him that way, and shows you don't mind going along with what he's comfortable with and wants to do.

 

Now that I think of it, you're right. The second phrase seems like, "oh you don't want to come over for dinner? alright. that's fine *grumble grumble*" I'm pretty new with dating and have only been a serial monogamous. If I'm interested in a guy and he's interested back we just enter a relationship and so I haven't been on real dates. Should I bring up anything about getting together tomorrow, or just let him lead the conversation and stick to the usual "how was your day?" types of things. We tend to ask that a lot whenever we talk, lol.

[Stereohead]

Well, I would always start it with “how was your day” and have a casual conversation, and if he doesn’t lead into hanging out, ask him if he’s still interested in grabbing some “pie” or whatever. –the public example he seemed to note on wanting to do. Just make sure you don’t seem too overly excited and “free” to hang out. Be yourself really, I just think it’s nicer to lead in and if they don’t bring it up ask if they’re still interested in doing something.

 

I haven’t been in a lot of “real” dating relationships either. But the one I’m in now is awesome…Though we are a bit faster then the one you seem to be in. But anyways, from what I’ve seen in other peoples relationships (Used to be in a lot of peer classes, I paid quite a bit of attention to other peoples lives…lol) this is how I’d see myself reacting to the situation.

 

Just keep it light flirting and joking around…and basically have a good time when and if you do hang out again. Just try not to pressure him into moving too quickly. Eventually, when you both start opening up more to each other, it’ll be easier to have these kind of conversations and insecurities you can discuss with him.

[rice.bunny]

Thank you for the advice! Do you have any for feeling really anxious before heading out with your date? I find myself very nervous and anxious and I don't know why. We hang around each other when we're with friends but when we're alone or talking about going somewhere, I tend to feel really nervous and usually end up saying really stupid embarrassing things.

[catfeeder]

If he's as nervous as you are, you can forgive him for being a bit uptight about adding a whole dinner to what he thought would be a quick desert. You've both dated with other people around, and this took some pressure off of him to be charming all by himself. He might just wonder if he can pull off all that alone time in one night.

 

Well, whatever the case, you sound adorable, and he sounds interested. You'll be charming enough for the both of you.

 

In your corner.

[ramsickle1369]

What's the deal with the "other couple"? Do you know them? Seems kind of like he wants to either show you off, or (forgive me) wants to get freaky.

[Stereohead]

Thank you for the advice! Do you have any for feeling really anxious before heading out with your date? I find myself very nervous and anxious and I don't know why. We hang around each other when we're with friends but when we're alone or talking about going somewhere, I tend to feel really nervous and usually end up saying really stupid embarrassing things.

I always feel anxious and nervous before heading out with my date, cause I know I’m going to say something embarrassing or end up rambling about something irreverent…which then leads to me apologizing for rambling haha…he just tells me I’m cute and he’s listening…breaks the ice for sure acting goofy though, they tend to start following your habits haha.

 

But yeah. Basically be whoever you are…if it means you’ll ramble like I do about something silly, then do it… It’s who you are, and you don’t want to carve some image for the guy your dating…He wanted to date you because of who you are, not what you think he wants, you know what I mean? Enjoy the butterfly feeling before the date and realize no matter what you do…be yourself, which is the best person to be. And it really cuts out all the drama that could happen later on in a relationship.

 

It’s even okay if you’re honest with the guy and tell him straight up you’re just nervous.

 

Just keep reminding yourself you want this guy to like you for you…then show him who you are! It’s alright to be nervous…you want to make a good impression, it’s fun to date…my life seems so boring right now cause I don’t even have a job, so I look forward to going out honestly…I just try to keep my cool and not let it show too much that I’m looking forward to it. Usually by keeping busy or something…or I just concentrate on details and make sure my hair style is “just right”… lol

 

Basically, you’re really early on in the relationship. People worry too much about how someone else is going to think of them as…but the best way and happiest way to realize your in a good relationship…is by taking a breath and enjoy their company…dating is fun, look forward to it, and all the good times ahead. Heck, even the bad are good things in the end…they teach us a lot of good lessons…

 

What I do right before a date, is basically ease into a comfortable outfit and just remind myself of who I am…and I’m not changing for anyone else but me. When I stopped trying to make a good impression and what not for dates…I found the perfect boyfriend really… I can even tell him I missed him and its early on in the relationship…he tells me he misses me too. =)

 

Of course people are different. But I think you get my drift. I just don’t know if this helps you very much… It’s hard controlling emotions I think are only natural…

[Stereohead]

What's the deal with the "other couple"? Do you know them? Seems kind of like he wants to either show you off, or (forgive me) wants to get freaky.

 

The guys I know go on group dating because it eases the tension compared to a one on one date. Not because they want to “get freaky” or something- of course some guys might be thinking that as well…but my point being, group dating happens a lot… usually it helps having a friend come with you so you don’t feel as awkward and you can be yourself easier. –some people like it when they can feel “chill” and not feel pressured by trying to impress the girl all on his own. Especially if they started as friends…it’s easier being with another couple and easing into the relationship then starting to hang out with just the two of them… in my opinion.

[ramsickle1369]

The guys I know go on group dating because it eases the tension compared to a one on one date. Not because they want to “get freaky” or something- of course some guys might be thinking that as well…but my point being, group dating happens a lot… usually it helps having a friend come with you so you don’t feel as awkward and you can be yourself easier. –some people like it when they can feel “chill” and not feel pressured by trying to impress the girl all on his own. Especially if they started as friends…it’s easier being with another couple and easing into the relationship then starting to hang out with just the two of them… in my opinion.

 

Interesting... I can see that group things will usually be more comfortable if you are not already at ease.

[rice.bunny]

What's the deal with the "other couple"? Do you know them? Seems kind of like he wants to either show you off, or (forgive me) wants to get freaky.

 

The "other couple" actually consisted of my best friend and her boyfriend, who I'm pretty good friends with. We had made plans to go to lunch with them but I ended up going with just them. He has only met my best friend a few weeks before we went on our first date.

[rice.bunny]

The guys I know go on group dating because it eases the tension compared to a one on one date. Not because they want to “get freaky” or something- of course some guys might be thinking that as well…but my point being, group dating happens a lot… usually it helps having a friend come with you so you don’t feel as awkward and you can be yourself easier. –some people like it when they can feel “chill” and not feel pressured by trying to impress the girl all on his own. Especially if they started as friends…it’s easier being with another couple and easing into the relationship then starting to hang out with just the two of them… in my opinion.

 

Interesting... I can see that group things will usually be more comfortable if you are not already at ease.

 

 

Yeah. When we went on our first one-on-one date I was completely nervous and kept stumbling over my words or trying to think ahead of what I was saying and ultimately got lost as to where the conversation was heading to. He didn't seem to notice, at least I hope so, as he said he had fun and that we should "get together" soon. But my friend had suggested we all go out to lunch together and when he called two nights ago I mentioned it and he said that it'd be a lot of fun.

 

He didn't call me last night like he said he would but I knew he would be tired after driving at least two hours one way to visit his cousin. He texted me this morning apologizing for not calling and for waking me up, if he did (he did), and said he'll call me later on in the day.

 

I always feel nervous around him, but that's because I really like him. When we're around a lot of friends, things just flow. Like I don't really feel nervous and can talk to him without stumbling over my words, I don't know what it is but yeah. I'm pretty sure we're still on for pie but I was just wondering what we would do after we ate pie, whether I should ask if he wants to hang out at my place, maybe watch a movie or just see how it goes. I'm the type of person who doesn't really like spontaneity especially if I can't assess the potential outcomes. It's part of the reason why I like to wikipedia movies before I watch them. Lol.