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I feel disgusting!


amystar

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Hi everyone,

 

I'm sure you all are going to tell me I'm completely crazy but please bear with me, I'm not in the greatest state of minds and I just need to vent and some words of support would be nice too (my family/friends are not being very understanding).

 

So I've been going through a rough patch in my life in the last 2 months or so. I've had some health issues, went through a break-up, dealing with going back to grad school, works been a mess, there is a lot of family drama at the moment, you know when you feel like everything just hits you at once? That's how I feel. I know that things could always be worse and I'm usually a pretty positive person but I've just been kind of down lately, maybe even a little depressed.

 

So well, I'm very much a fitness/health fanatic and I think I have been eating a little too much junk lately and not going to the gym enough because I gained almost 10 pounds in the last few weeks and I feel absolutely disgusting! I can't even describe it. I'm 5'8'', a few weeks ago I weighed about 112, and today I'm at 121.......WOW! My clothes are feeling tighter and I feel HUGE! Way to get myself down really low. I think I have been resorting to chocolate and cookies when I'm feeling down...which is a lot lately and I don't know how to get myself out of it.

 

I also do a little bit of modeling on the side and they kindly told me that I need to start watching myself because I'm getting a little "chubby" for the industry.

 

This is so incredibly horrible......I don't even know how to make myself feel better, I wanted to just crawl into bed and not come out.........yuck.

 

I look at myself in the mirror and feel absolute disgust!!!! My family and friends think I'm absolutely crazy and it's really not helping me at all.... :sad:

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I'm really sorry for all your stresses. You sound extremely thin, (even at your current weight), but since you are a model I suppose that is par for the course.

 

If you're having trouble with emotional eating, try to get the problem food out of the house. Throw away the junk, and you can't go crying to it. Buy some healthy foods you can snack on.

 

Treat yourself to a day of pampering, to make yourself feel good about the way you look and to make yourself feel a little better. That might help get you back on track.

 

Do you have any other activities that relieve your stress? Any exercise or hobby? Try jumping back into those.

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I am 5'10 and I weigh 140 pounds. So...it could be worse lol.

 

But seriously, come on, 121 pounds? That's still very thin and you are still underweight.

 

I understand that your modelling agents want a thin figure but is modelling so important that you're will to endanger your health? Being underweight is just as dangerous as being overweight.

 

I was 5'8 and 120 pounds and I was told by my doctor that I would need to start drinking cows blood because my iron was so low and it could cause me a lot of health issues in the future.

 

You're very, very thin. Don't let people tell you otherwise. You're incredibly thin. I think you've earned a little bit of unhealthy eating time.

If you are naturally very thin, you'll lose the weight quickly, anyway.

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Agreed. I'm also tall for a woman (nearly 5'10") and dealt some with the modeling junk myself. You do sound very thin and have to realize that whenever you put on weight no matter how thin you are, you FEEL it. That doesn't make you fat by any means. I have a huge problem with emotional eating (or not eating) myself. I don't think there is any easy solution to it. When I fall off the horse and then get the nerve to get back on, I start recording what I eat and make sure I get regular exercise. You can have those ten lbs. gone in no time.

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Your friends and family probably say those things because they see a beautiful young women in front of them with a fantastic body. I know this isn't what you see but I am sure they are right. You are holding yourself to very rigid standards you know. I think you probably look better now then at 112 pounds. The modeling thing is unfortunate that they would say such a thing.

It seems that you are taking on everything in your life all at once instead of breaking it down into pieces. Each thing you listed is just one issue in itself. The problem many of us have is we tend to lump them all together so they seem so large there seems no hope of tackling them. Try this. Take the most important and pressing issue you need to deal with first. Focus on nothing else until you feel you have it well in hand. Then you can start on the next while you keep an eye on the first one. There are some things we just can't solve or fix. It is very important to be able to identify those before we have banged our heads into the wall to much. Read my signature below. I try and follow it everyday.

 

 

best wishes

 

lost

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Thanks for all of your replies!

 

I'm definitely doing the emotional eating thing. I live with roommates who always buy junk food so it is always around the house, it's difficult to get away from it.

 

Honestly, it seems like I have almost given up on my hobbies, nothing seems to really bring me the joy in the life that I used to have which is why I think I may be depressed. I have never dealt with depression before but I have heard/read that once you don't enjoy the things you used to enjoy, that is one of the big symptoms. And I most definitely have a difficult time finding the joy in anything right now.

 

Thanks for all of your advice, I will try to tackle one issue at a time and hopefully I can somehow get myself back onto track. I will try the recording what I eat thing and see how I do, I would absolutely hate to gain any more weight, it would just get me further down and I would probably lose my modeling job in no time.

 

I just don't seem to be seeing the bright side of things lately, it's very confusing, I feel like I have lost complete control over my emotions..it's very scary.

 

Sophie- I will take your advice and maybe go get my hair done or something maybe it will make me feel better.

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Well, I don't think these posts saying, "You're underweight' are particularly helpful.

 

It's all about how you feel. If you have been eating junk and not going to the gym, then yes, you are going to gain weight and feel like crap.

 

I'm usually in pretty good shape but when I've had down times, similar to how you've described, I just get down, feel depressed and eat and eat crap.

 

Then it gets really really hard to get back into it. The first few days are always the worst.

 

At least you know what it's like to be in shape... many people do not.

 

I hope you get back to the weight/ fitness level that makes you feel happy!

 

Good luck!

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Well your were underweight to begin with, so I don't think you should worry about that.

 

But even if eating all of that junk food and not going to the gym makes you still underweight, I could see how it would make you feel disgusting.

 

Gaining weight, expec if you don't want it makes everyone feel bad.

 

Don't stress it, how you were before at your height is almost too thin.

 

But if your worried, just cut out the junk food and go to the gym more.

 

dont do anything crazy like diet or anything. You don't need it.

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Telling someone they are underweight, when you don't know her body type is not helping.

 

People are quick to point out someone who they think is underweight, but we can't say someone is fat or overweight. Instead we have to use fluff words like 'curvy' or big and beautiful'

 

I have a friend who is 5'8 and weighs 110 pounds and eats eats and never gains weight. She gets sick of people telling her she looks underweight and would never tell someone who is slightly overweight that they look chubby or need to drop a few pounds. She is 37 this year so it's not like she's a naturally skinny teenager.

 

to the OP, if you have gained all this weight from eating crap and not exercising, this is not good either. You should never try to gain weight by eating pizzas , chips and chocolate.

 

Again, good luck with getting back to what you want your weight to be!

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