I kissed someone else. I'm terrified. HELP.

[konstantine]

I'm not blaming the alcohol. If I wasn't drinking it never would have happened, that's for sure, but it's not an excuse. It really doesn't show the strength of our relationship NOW at all, but at the time, sure, it was a little off.

 

He is not the jealous type at all. He is crazy trusting... almost too much, as it seems.

 

And I don't think breaking up with him is the answer. I want to be with him forever. I'm not going to learn anything by just leaving him. As I said, I didn't do it because I am over him or anything.

[_Asti_]

True...but then the OP is playing with fire and assuming that the story will never get back to her BF. They were at the same party...I'm sure someone saw. This would be my only reason for her to come clean...otherwise I'm of the opinion that kissing 1 other guy is really not that big of a deal.

 

No kissing one guy may not be a big deal, the reasons around it is. You don't run to another guy when things are tough in your relationship. It's that part that may be hard to get passed. How are you supposed to trust someone when tough times arise again, knowing that the last time she cheated.

[EQD]

I think that's harsh ED. At 22, people slip up I think. It isn't right, but I'm not going to sit here and pretend that if I was tanked there is absolutely no chance I would end up kissing someone else.

 

 

 

i'm turning 22 in june. i dont and have never blamed alcohol (seriously) on anything i have ever done and regretted later when i was sober. i am very hard on myself like that. i take responsibility for my actions. so its a habit.

 

crap happens. usually in these 'rocky' times. its a given. but shouldnt be an excuse or scapegoat.

[konstantine]

If I were the boyfriend I would be worried everytime the relationship goes through tough times, and wonder if she's turning to another guy.

 

Either way, you are screwed, in my opinion.

But personally, witholding this and him finding out will do alot more damage in my opinion. You may not get a chance to explain yourself and he may just walk away and not want to hear it.

 

Atleast if you come clean, you can tell him what really occurred, and explain yourself. And then he can make a choice to work through this and remain, or walk away.

 

But you also need to think about what you did. You turn to someone else during a tough time, can you trust yourself to not do this again? Alcohol is never an excuse, in my eyes it just makes deep down behaviors surface.

 

 

No, you're absolutely right. This is exactly what I don't want him to think. I don't want him to think that this will be my habit from now on, because it won't. I promise that.

[Tethys]

Okay, then just tell him and see what he says, but be prepared for the relationship to end.

[havefaith]

No, I wasn't suggesting alcohol was an excuse or that you should break up with him. I was actually suggesting that, if this were me and I were your BF, I'd shrug it off. Honestly. If your relationship is strong now, it seems to me that should be the only thing that counts. So you kissed another guy... what, probably in public? Probably briefly... you didn't go off to some room with him, you didn't screw him... I don't know. Seems like to tell him would make a mountain of a molehill.

 

I know a lot of people (especially women) probably disagree, but I tend to think more like a man so... that's just how I see it. I'd let bygones be bygones if I were you. Move forward with him, if you can.

[waveseer]

I feel there is a big difference between a "cheater" and someone who made an unfortunate mistake. But when the person who made an unfortunate mistake adds "liar" then "cheater" follows pretty naturally.

[havefaith]

Also to tell him might make him think you are thinking of this other guy or other guys in general. Like you can't stop thinking about kissing others. I think it would create more drama than solution.

[russ978]

Keep it to yourself. Don't do it again.

 

If he finds out and asks you about it...say it was a peck.

[EQD]

it would be more up to the bf if this molehill was turned into a mountain.

right?

[waveseer]

it would be more up to the bf if this molehill was turned into a mountain.

right?

 

I'm with you on this all the way. People who hide the truth cannot be trusted. She broke her agreement with her bf no matter how slightly and he deserves to know the truth.

[riley123]

I feel there is a big difference between a "cheater" and someone who made an unfortunate mistake. But when the person who made an unfortunate mistake adds "liar" then "cheater" follows pretty naturally.

 

I think this is a very helpful post for the OP...unfortunate mistake sounds like a reasonable explanation based on her account of the story and the remorse she is feeling.

[DN]

If anyone says anything to your b/f say that it was New Years Eve - people kiss everyone else on New Years Eve to celebrate and if they are trying to make anything more of it than a casual New Years kiss they are just exaggerating to cause trouble.

[konstantine]

DN, that was my game plan if I am going to tell him. I really am still very conflicted. There are good points on both ends.

 

I'm just so happy now. I want the past to be the past.

[EQD]

flip a coin

[waveseer]

DN, that was my game plan if I am going to tell him. I really am still very conflicted. There are good points on both ends.

 

I'm just so happy now. I want the past to be the past.

 

I can totally understand why you'd just want to put it behind you. Unfortunately right now you and he have a conflicting idea of what the past really is. It prevents you from having the same idea about what your reality now is. If he hears that you kissed another guy from enough people who swear they saw it, then your realities will match up again. Without sharing reality with him, what do you feel you are really sharing?

[coldplay.]

I was just feeling neglected and unfulfilled and I was being an idiot.

 

I feel there is a big difference between a "cheater" and someone who made an unfortunate mistake. But when the person who made an unfortunate mistake adds "liar" then "cheater" follows pretty naturally.

 

Did you do it for attention? If so why would you chose to act out in such a way that would hurt your bf? Maybe jut admitting that you kissed someone else while your boyfriend even with you isnt the main thing you should be focusing on.

[konstantine]

Did you do it for attention? If so why would you chose to act out in such a way that would hurt your bf? Maybe jut admitting that you kissed someone else while your boyfriend even with you isnt the main thing you should be focusing on.

 

Maybe I did.

[EQD]

i think its probably for the normal reasons that people do it. and nothing to be worried about. you arent doing anything 'wild' or 'unnatural' when you kiss someone else during a rocky time.

 

if you arent getting affection or attention you will want to seek it from others. as a form of validation or just to fill that void and feel wanted.

OR, you will do it because the rocky situation you are in in some way fills you with contempt toward your SO, in a way its saying 'this will show you' even though he doesnt or wont know about it. mentally thats you 'getting him back' for whatever it was he was doing to neglect you.

 

either way it doesnt matter.

[konstantine]

i think its probably for the normal reasons that people do it. and nothing to be worried about. you arent doing anything 'wild' or 'unnatural' when you kiss someone else during a rocky time.

 

if you arent getting affection or attention you will want to seek it from others. as a form of validation or just to fill that void and feel wanted.

OR, you will do it because the rocky situation you are in in some way fills you with contempt toward your SO, in a way its saying 'this will show you' even though he doesnt or wont know about it. mentally thats you 'getting him back' for whatever it was he was doing to neglect you.

 

either way it doesnt matter.

 

You are spot on. Exactly.

[coldplay.]

i think its probably for the normal reasons that people do it. and nothing to be worried about. you arent doing anything 'wild' or 'unnatural' when you kiss someone else during a rocky time.

 

if you arent getting affection or attention you will want to seek it from others. as a form of validation or just to fill that void and feel wanted.

OR, you will do it because the rocky situation you are in in some way fills you with contempt toward your SO, in a way its saying 'this will show you' even though he doesnt or wont know about it. mentally thats you 'getting him back' for whatever it was he was doing to neglect you.

 

either way it doesnt matter.

 

 

Not downing anyone, you do whatever you'd like, but i dont see how kissing someone during a rocky time or in a great time is any different, i have never needed to 'show' my SO by kissing someone else, i tend to not play the carnal jealousy card, because in observations i have made, it never once does anything positive for the situation or the relationship.

 

Just because people do things and have reasons for them doesnt make them right.

[EQD]

i wasnt justifying. that was actually the point of my post.

 

why it happened doesnt matter anymore, the fact is that she did it and now she has to accept it as a mistake, so lets refrain from beating the dead horse.

[Fenrir]

I don't see how some people can just say to forget it and move on. A kiss no matter when, or how small is still a kiss and should only be shared with your SO. It's an intimate act. I would not want to walk around like a fool with someone who cheated on me, hid the fact, and probably kissed me right after like nothing ever happened, and THEN started to worry because it wasn't as quiet as she had hoped.

 

I personally wouldn't want to be involved with someone like that who can break down because of a rough patch. Part of being in a relationship is talking with your SO about the issues and sticking through it. Don't keep it from him, he deserves the truth. The same goes for you if he had done something like that.

 

Your b/f may not take it bad and brush it off but it should be up to him IMO. To each his own. I hope it works out either way.

[DaynaMichele]

Wow, I just posted a thread similar to this, but I was on the other end: I was the cheated one.

 

Tell him. He may dump you, but at least you will know you told the truth. If he loves you, he should take the ego hit and make it work.

 

Good luck to you. You sound like you really do love him and made a mistake.

[Rabican]

I vote tell him....

 

but on the flip side, if my girl JUST kissed a guy... nothing else, no feelings for him, no lying about anything else, no sex, nothing JUST A KISS and she truly felt bad about it afterwards (not afraid to lose me bad, but guilty bad).... then Id have to say I would be just as ok not knowing as I would be knowing.

 

I guess Im saying, If my girl had sex with another guy I would want to know so I could dump her. If she kissed another guy and felt horrible about it... I could live with not knowing because thats not really the end of the world.