konstantine Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Oh New Years Eve, I kissed another boy. My boyfriend was even there, but he doesn't know what happened. I was perfectly fine not telling anyone about it, but now my best friend found out and I'm scared it is going to get around back to him. Am I supposed to tell him? It was an isolated incident. It was during a rough patch for us. I have no desire to do anything with anyone else, and I didn't even do this because I was attracted to the person. I just... did it. I love my boyfriend more than anything. He is what I look forward to every day and night. On one hand, I don't want to keep a secret from him. But on the other hand, he has broken up with other people for cheating. And if he finds out from someone other than me, it wouldn't be good. I don't want to lose him over a stupid kiss. I know I'm a terrible person, but I just need my boyfriend. Link to comment
EQD Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 fess up to your bf. (which is what you should have done earlier) because its going to hurt him and your relationship alot more if he finds out from someone else. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Was it a kiss or was it a KISS!!!! If I were you, I wouldn't mention anything to the b/f especially if it was just the former. Sometimes these indescretions can be indicators of what we want and don't want in our lives. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 fess up to your bf. (which is what you should have done earlier) because its going to hurt him and your relationship alot more if he finds out from someone else. Yeah, but New Years was like 7 weeks ago - wouldn't he have found out by now if he was going to? And how on earth does one bring something like that up? "Oh, by the way..." Link to comment
konstantine Posted February 20, 2009 Author Share Posted February 20, 2009 I don't really know, I honestly don't remember. It was more than just a peck. I just piss myself off because I don't even like the guy. I was just feeling neglected and unfulfilled and I was being an idiot. Link to comment
EQD Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Yeah, but New Years was like 7 weeks ago - wouldn't he have found out by now if he was going to? And how on earth does one bring something like that up? "Oh, by the way..." hell i dont know. i do know that if i was her.. and managed to do that i would have fessed up directly after. *shrug* its really russian roulette now. he'll wonder 'what else could she be hiding?' Link to comment
waveseer Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 I see this over and over again. Does your boyfriend not have the right to decide for himself based on the truth? Why are people so selfish? I can totally understand someone having a moment where they act out of character, but to double the wrong by withholding that information from someone they say they care about? Come on, you don't want to tell him because you care more about you than you do about him. Link to comment
riley123 Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 How old are you and your boyfriend? I'm assuming alcohol was involved? Link to comment
redhearts Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Tell him before a different version gets back to him. Link to comment
konstantine Posted February 20, 2009 Author Share Posted February 20, 2009 Yeah, but New Years was like 7 weeks ago - wouldn't he have found out by now if he was going to? And how on earth does one bring something like that up? "Oh, by the way..." That's what I thought too, I thought I was in the clear. But now that my friend found out (who is also friends with my boyfriend) it's all come back to me again. GAH. Part of me just wants to tell him now. But I can't stand the thought of losing his amazing trust that he has in me. Link to comment
havefaith Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 At this point fessing up would be fishy because the only reason you're doing it is because you're afraid someone else would say something. So it isn't even like you were intending to tell him out of the goodness of your heart... you'd be doing it because you HAVE to. If I were your boyfriend, I wouldn't feel any more comforted by the fact that you fessed up 7 weeks later knowing that you only did it because you had no other choice. I think you have made your bed and you're just going to have to lie in and hope for the best. Maybe I have a more liberal point of view, but you aren't married... Link to comment
konstantine Posted February 20, 2009 Author Share Posted February 20, 2009 I know he should have the right to choose. I just don't want him to think that I did it because I liked this guy or stopped loving him. Because that's what he will automatically think and it's not true at all. We are 22. Yes, alcohol was definitely the culprit. Link to comment
EQD Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 haha, so really this is one pickle of a problem you have on your hands. tell him and risk him questioning why you just NOW fessed up.. or dont tell him and risk him finding out from someone else,,, and REALLY having distrust for you.. and then wondering what else you are hiding and why you DIDNT fess up.... tough one. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Yes, I'm kinda of thinking the same thing as 'have faith" is. You could have a chat with your b/f tell him how you feel about him in general and you know things have been rocky in the past and how much you want to work on the future and yada yada. The thing is, if you tell him, then he would be FORCED to react in some way. If he hears about it from someone else, he may just dismiss it as exageration/gossip or whatever. Or he may be mature enough to see that you were going thru a rough patch and alcohol etc etc. Link to comment
waveseer Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 I know he should have the right to choose. I just don't want him to think that I did it because I liked this guy or stopped loving him. Because that's what he will automatically think and it's not true at all. We are 22. Yes, alcohol was definitely the culprit. You cannot control his conclusion, and not telling him is actually bodes worse for your relationship than the kiss did. Link to comment
EQD Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 We are 22. Yes, alcohol was definitely the culprit. well actually you and your soured relationship were the culprit. the alcohol just helped facilitate the incident. Link to comment
riley123 Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 22, huh? Well, my guess is that a 22 year old male with not react well to this news. However, the deed is done. Come clean. Put it this way, wouldn't you want to know if he kissed another girl at that party? I hope it works out for you... Link to comment
konstantine Posted February 20, 2009 Author Share Posted February 20, 2009 Yeah, I would. The thing is, even if we work it out, I'm scared that it will permanantly ruin what we have. I am scared he will go out and try to "retaliate" or something, even though that isn't his nature at all. And the whole thing would be * * * * ed. All for something that wasn't that big a deal. Link to comment
Tethys Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 No, a 22 year old male would not like the news. But, you are 22, break it off and go live your life. Don't tell him though - it will just hurt him. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 22, huh? Well, my guess is that a 22 year old male with not react well to this news. However, the deed is done. Come clean. Put it this way, wouldn't you want to know if he kissed another girl at that party? I hope it works out for you... Actually if I were the b/f, I wouldn't want to know. If she truly regrets it and has learned from it, then there is no need for the b/f's pride and whatnot to get involved. You're right - a 22 year may not react at all well to this!!!! (I'm not 22 lol) Link to comment
havefaith Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 well actually you and your soured relationship were the culprit. the alcohol just helped facilitate the incident. I think that's harsh ED. At 22, people slip up I think. It isn't right, but I'm not going to sit here and pretend that if I was tanked there is absolutely no chance I would end up kissing someone else. Can you really say that this is indicative of the strength of the relationship? I guess you could argue that she should have been with her boyfriend the whole time at the party and would have thus had no chance to kiss someone else... but honestly I don't think those people have the healthiest of relationships. OP, I would honestly try to put it to rest. If he finds out, you can deal with it then. If it were me and I found this out, and things had been going poorly then but were better now... I think I would shrug it off, honestly. I mean, you're 22. IMO it's kind of YOUR business. Then again, I don't really have trust issues at all, so if he's the really jealous type maybe this logic wouldn't fly. I still don't think you have too much of a choice right now. Link to comment
flash83 Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 nothing good can come of telling him, keep it to yourself. Link to comment
Tethys Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Actually if I were the b/f, I wouldn't want to know. If she truly regrets it and has learned from it, then there is no need for the b/f's pride and whatnot to get involved. You're right - a 22 year may not react at all well to this!!!! (I'm not 22 lol) I agree with this and I don't think the OP is ready for a relationship. Best to break it off and move on and learn from the experience. Link to comment
riley123 Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Actually if I were the b/f, I wouldn't want to know. If she truly regrets it and has learned from it, then there is no need for the b/f's pride and whatnot to get involved. You're right - a 22 year may not react at all well to this!!!! (I'm not 22 lol) True...but then the OP is playing with fire and assuming that the story will never get back to her BF. They were at the same party...I'm sure someone saw. This would be my only reason for her to come clean...otherwise I'm of the opinion that kissing 1 other guy is really not that big of a deal. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 If I were the boyfriend I would be worried everytime the relationship goes through tough times, and wonder if she's turning to another guy. Either way, you are screwed, in my opinion. But personally, witholding this and him finding out will do alot more damage in my opinion. You may not get a chance to explain yourself and he may just walk away and not want to hear it. Atleast if you come clean, you can tell him what really occurred, and explain yourself. And then he can make a choice to work through this and remain, or walk away. But you also need to think about what you did. You turn to someone else during a tough time, can you trust yourself to not do this again? Alcohol is never an excuse, in my eyes it just makes deep down behaviors surface. Link to comment
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