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Should I send this LONG closure letter??? It's been 4 weeks since I was dumped without being told.


dazedconfused6

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T,

 

You think you can just dump me, give me the silent treatment, then do it again for a second time ON PURPOSE and expect me to be waiting for you with open arms? I wait for nobody. As a rule, if someone dumps me in the worst possible way with no explanation...and really hurts me and breaks my heart....it will just never be the same again. In the back of my mind I'll always remember the hurt they intentionally caused, and never forget the hurt they're capable of causing. I'd be quite leery of setting myself up to be hurt (or used or whatever) again.

 

The first time you dumped me with the silent treatment you knew it made me suicidal, yet you intentionally did it again. The fact that you didn't even bother to call me back ASAP this time, when I told you I was "suicidal," speaks volumes...

 

And here's some relationship advice...if you've been dating someone who's in love with you for several months and then later decide you want to leave for whatever reason, at least show them the respect, decency, and common courtesy to TELL THEM you're leaving...like a normal human being face-to-face (not e-mail or text) instead of putting them in "silent treatment limbo" where they don't even know if they've been dumped, or what he heck is going on.

 

Also, give them a reason why you don't want to talk to them anymore. Anything less makes you a jerk. I treat people the way I would like to be treated and you should do the same. Plus, I doubt you would pay for half my gas, half the movie ticket, half the dinner, etc if we were "just friends."

 

Wouldn't it be much nicer to be with someone who *wants* to be with you, who *tries* to be with you, who *respects* you and doesn't jerk you around all the time?

 

I'm trying my hardest to move on, after all you dumped me. So when you sort your problems out and make a decision as to if you love me or not, and want to be boyfriend/girlfirend, then by all means call me...and if i'm still available and not in a relationship then we can start up a relationship. But don't think for one moment that if i'm with another person i'm just going to drop them for you, because that's not fair to them...nor me.

 

I was going to give you a taste of your own medicine and ignore you, but I'm done playing games. You knew how much your test results meant to me and you intentionally allowed me go through the anxiety of getting tested without knowing your results. That's vicious and unforgivable. We had a deal, and you failed to keep your promise when I needed you most. Then you joke about mailing me the results? Why the f* would I ever trust you again? I can't be friends with someone I don't trust. I want my $25 back. Not-to-mention the fact you never paid me back the $40 I loaned you months ago. It's bad karma, and what goes around comes around.

 

I can't be friends with someone not knowing from one-moment-to-the-next if they're going to "disappear." I have boundaries, and you violate them left-and-right. Friendship requires open communication and a willingness to resolve differences. It really p***** me off when you call yourself a "prostitute" and question my love for you as "lust". When you say things like "prostitutes don't kiss on the mouth" and then compare yourself to "xxxx", or make statements like "do you want me to have sex with different people for money to prove I'm a prostitute" ...how do you think that makes me feel? "xxxx" had a lot more class.

 

I wouldn't drive an hour out of my way to deliver a "prostitute" a piece of cheesecake, or spend hours on the phone discussing Mott college or your step-mom's emphysema. I don't take prostitutes out to the Grizly Pear, Applebee's, and Red Lobster or drive 60 minutes to cash a prostitutes check. I don't buy prostitutes Christmas presents. I don't spend hours holding hands together with a prostitute. I don't cuddle with a prostitute.

 

I wouldn't drive 2 hours roundtrip to give you $150 cash with "no-strings-attached" while you were in foster care if you were a "prostitute." I would never let a prostitute drive my car. I obviously only do those things with my significant other.

 

You really hurt me with the cruel, mean, and vicious things you said when you ambushed me for the second time since Great Lakes Crossing. If you "love and care about me" like you said... then you think would go out of your way to make me happy, and protect me from being hurt. You would never throw me away or give me the silent treatment, and you would never lead me on for five months after I told you i was "in love" with you. I mean honestly, would you be friends with someone who said this to your face... in a five minute tirade:

 

1. "You bought my friendship."

 

(how dare you say that to me. you're an unappreciative loser...with a false sense of entitlement)

 

2. "I'm glad we're not boyfriend/girlfriend."

 

(you're a vicious, mean, malicious, cruel person to say that to my face because i wouldnt have unprotected sex)

 

3. "I'd rather have a business relationship instead of your friendship."

 

(now you have neither....how ironic)

 

4. "I don't want you to move to flint, or follow me out-of-state."

 

(when i considered you my soul mate)

 

5. "I'm not your baby" (after I've been calling you my baby for months, & considered you one of my best friends)

 

6. "You're unstable for a relationship." (when you've had 12 relationships-of-the-month)

 

7. "You keep your eyes open when we kiss."

 

(the irony is you would have to keep YOUR eyes open to know that)

 

8. "I'll return your Christmas presents if you want me to." (why would you ever say that? that's not normal)

 

9. "I could care less about your birthday." (or valentines day apparently... plus you said you were going to give me all the sex i wanted on my birthday. how was i suppose to know your friendship wasn't sincere?)

 

10. "I'm going to f* as many people as I can "raw" if you date other people."

 

(how did that work out for you?)

 

11. "I'm not going to apologize, because I meant every single word."

 

(then we're no longer friends)

 

12. "You're the only one I'm chasing away."

 

(right....and those other 12 "relationships")

 

13. "You have to pay me $50 per hour in order to hang out."

 

(What the heck?? then never call or contact me again...and delete me)

 

14. "I'll even find someone else for you to date."

 

(sounds like you could care less if you lose me, after I treated you like gold)

 

16. "You should gain 30 pounds." (after i lost 50lbs)

 

17. "I don't need to impress you anymore since you're in love with me."

 

(you SOLD me your friendship)

 

 

With friends like you, who needs enemies? Plus, I don't think it's a coincidence you said all that stuff to me just days after you started talking to "xxx" again. I had no idea you were capable of intentionally hurting me in such a calculated manner, or could "seamlessly" turn off your love like a light switch when you use to call me several times a day for months. That is messed up and not normal... This is the second (and last) time that you will ever abuse me with the "silent treatment". It's manipulation.

 

I know your bipolar/schizophrenic, manipulative, impulsive, controlling, paranoid, nympho, and have a lot of baggage. But sometimes it's hard-to-tell if you're not just a cold, conceited, immature, insecure, narcissistic, lonely, jealous, selfish, and heartless "drama queen" with low self esteem.

 

I think you have Borderline Personality Disorder. If you've had twelve "relationships-of-the-month" then obviously people are "expendable" to you. I'm relationship material.

 

Instead of apologizing for blocking me twice on myspace, with no explanation, you lie to my face and randomly bring up stuff (months later) out of nowhere to intentionally try to hurt me:

 

1st excuse -- "xxx" had a "key-stroke logger" on his computer, stole your password, and blocked me... and you had no clue i was deleted.

 

2nd excuse -- i was constantly "calling you" while you were in foster care...even though you didn't have your phone in foster care at the time you blocked me in august! You were the one calling me five times a day for over a month and I didn't block you... or say YOU were "too clingy." That's total b.s and im p***ed

 

3rd excuse -- i was sending you too many messages and was "obsessed." You were the one sending ME "i miss you" messages in big capital letters from foster care... then one week later, like a cowardly jerk, you block me with no explanation via a cryptic one-sentence myspace message.

 

4th excuse -- you claim "xxx" was going to "call the cops" for stalking you because i visited you ONE TIME at mcdonalds after you posted a PUBLIC bulletin telling ALL your friends to visit you. Why would anyone mind if i visit you at work, or even know i sent you a voicemail/email in the first place? You gave out the exact location of where you worked. Hello!! You should have been thrilled to see me. There's a big difference between "sharing everything" and being owned.

 

So which excuse is it?

 

You manipulated me into letting you drive my moms brand new $30,000 SUV, and then tried to mess up her automatic transmission by intentionally shifting from drive-to-park. What the heck is wrong with you? You already caused $1200 damage to my grand prix. I will never let you drive my car again.

 

Sometimes I wonder if you're just mad because I turned you down earlier when you asked me to be your "exclusive, romantic partner with all the sex that I want... whenever I want it", or because I didn't let you have unprotected sex with me at the hotel. A friend would never say during the middle of being treated to a steak dinner "why would I be your significant other while I can get all the benefits of being your significant other and date other people at the same time."

 

The icing-on-the-cake was when you tried to pull that "one-track mind" stuff again. That's priceless. Obviously when people are together for the first few months they naturally want to have lots of sex with each other. They can't keep their hands off one another, yet you tried to make me feel guilty as if I should just spoil you and not expect sex.

 

You said you "had feelings for me", were "attracted to me" and "loved older" I'm sure you wouldn't tell a super model they had a "one-track mind". It's a real turn-off.

 

I can do a zillion things "right" but the moment I do one thing "wrong" you give me the silent treatment. It's obvious that you use sex & affection as a bargaining tool whenever you don't get your way. That's emotional blackmail. I think you're a violent & angry person. How do you think I felt when I told you to your face (in tears) that you were hurting me, and you responded "you'll get over it"? Even people who cry in the street are asked "Are you ok?" if they stand still for long enough.

 

I know you were coming off Xanax, but thanks for throwing that bottle of Kahlua Raspberry against the wall and not on my head! Oh, and thanks for my Christmas present too...i never did get one.

 

The bottom line is I'm sick of you stringing me along, leading me on, sending me mixed messages, and manipulating my heart. Playing mind-games is not "relationship experience." None of your other "significant others" had to prove themselves first, in order to be in a "relationship". I'm sure if you met a total stranger tomorrow that boy could be "yours" a week later if you wanted them too...without them having to "prove" themself. I'm not stupid.

 

I've dated close to 50 people in my lifetime and I certainly know a lot more about relationships than you, or a crystal-meth stripper. Thanks for the insult. Nobody has ever dumped me in the malicious manner you have, or treated me like garbage the way you have. The nicer I was to you, the worst you treated me. Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I done being your doormat.

 

All my relationships are "win-win" situations. Do you have any idea how many people would love to have an awesome, loving, and romantic person like me? I've been more of a "significant other" to you than anyone you've ever dated, but you like to play your little "semantic games" in order to string me along.

 

I'm not a millionaire. It was a real sacrifice for me to show you my love by spoiling you at American Eagle, Hollister, Hot Topic, Sally's, Borders, Home Depot, etc. Instead of saying "thank you," you have the audacity to say to my face that I "bought your friendship?" As far as I'm concerned we're no longer friends. You deserve crystal-meth strippers because I'm too good for your unappreciative *** .

 

I feel like i'm always "walking on egg shells" to avoid triggering one of your passive-aggressive episodes. I'm really frustrated with your unpredictable roller coaster ride. You say stuff like you "have a life" ....as if somehow i don't have a life? And you'll say stuff like "if we were a couple, you would still let me have sex with other people because you're SO into me." What the heck???? I have dignity. I would never accept that arrangement. You need to seriously reevaluate your priorities.

 

I wanted to watch the "Benjamin Button" movie with you, but you're constantly hiding me from your friends and family. That's unhealthy. Why would you tell me you "saw xxxx every single day in foster care" unless you wanted to make me jealous, or that you let xxxx "borrow your $250 Coach jeans" when you wouldn't even let me borrow your white hoodie? I'm sick of it. You put xxxx in your "Top 2" on myspace, but consider me trash?

 

You think I won't mind being "second place" or that you can just "try your luck again" with me when it doesn't work out with xxxx (big surprise) or other people? You were getting into the same arguments years ago on how you always "knew more about relationships" than everyone else. You even tried to manipulate others not to speak to certain people.

 

When you intentionally ignore my texts, voicemails, and e-mails like I never existed it hurts. ‏I would never ever ever EVER hurt anyone that cared about me like that, but that's exactly how YOU treated me without giving it a second thought. Obviously my love and friendship mean absolutely nothing to you. You took it for granted.

 

I feel like you're more interested in getting sadistic pleasure from your "power trip" of seeing me grovel from your "punishment" than actually trying to resolve whatever the **** it is that's upsetting you in the first place. I still have no idea what triggered you to give me the silent treatment AGAIN, especially after I've worked so hard to be your best friend. I feel like I'm no longer a person to you. I'm a "thing" for you to use and abuse whenever you feel like it.

 

People will always make a way, and will always find the time, if they want to be with someone. I could never spend so much time away from the person I cared about. All that time wasted where we could have bonded is now lost forever. People who act like they don't give a **** generally really don't give a ****...and actions speak louder than words.

 

I can't even drop off my mom at the airport without giving her a big hug and missing her, yet you feel it's perfectly acceptable to vanish out of my life with no explanation like i'm "chopped liver." If you've done it twice, you'll do it again. I don't need or want "friends" like that in my life. I'm happy without it.

 

I made you first place in my life and you threw me away, without even caring what would happen to me. If you ever want to be a part of my life again, you're going to have to prove to me that I can trust you.

 

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

 

Good Bye.

 

 

G

 

p.s.- do you think i would write an email like this over a "prostitute?"

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What would you gain by sending that? At least you got it out on paper now would you benefit by sending that? Would he really read it? Would he really care?

 

Some of it was actually funny,you had some good jabs in there. But mostly I felt sorry for you. Its seems that you really went out of your way, I would say too far to please them. Driving an hour, doing this, doing that it really seemed like you were putting in the effort.

 

You cant help someone who doesnt want to help themselves. Dont bother you will keep your hair from going grey. I dont know if they had Borderline Personality Disorder but with some of the history and behaviours I would say its likely.

 

Sooooo....the question is: Why do you choose someone like that? Knowing that they can barely keep their own emotions and life in control, its highly unlikley they would have any consideration for yours. Right?

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Sooooo....the question is: Why do you choose someone like that? Knowing that they can barely keep their own emotions and life in control, its highly unlikley they would have any consideration for yours. Right?

 

Wow! That really helped me a lot! That makes a lot of sense

 

And I guess it was "long distance relationship" because we both lived 1 hour away...each way.

 

Thank you for your perspective.

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C'mon, are you trolling the forum with that? That letter is playing right into their hands.

 

Immature people with low self-esteem love to play with others in the way you describe because the resulting feedback from your proposed reaction (a long bitter email) fuels their insecure ego and gives them a sense of control and power. Do you want to give them an ego boost?

 

Ignoring people who do things like this drives them ABSOLUTELY CRAZY and annoys them to no end. Wouldn't you rather annoy them with your complete silence and utter disdain than fuel their ego?

 

I know it sounds counterintuitive, but can assure you in 99% of such cases, it's absolutely the truth. Send them a message of silence that lets them know for sure that you are above their pettiness.

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oh and my best revenge is never speaking to him again.....yes the OP are exactly right...if a person cannot handle their own life then it's pretty impossible for them to handle some else. When I start remembering a brief moment in time that was happy, and start to miss him...I remember his slimy spit dripping off my face...and the memory of that snaps me back into reality...he don't deserve my thoughts!

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omg...that letter sounds like my ex to the "T"....can you write one of those for me...or better yet I can use this post...jk. I cannot believe how much this sounds like the way my ex treated me!

 

I think it's because they are BIPOLAR....but maybe I'm just trying to make excuses for their bad behavior.

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Wow! That really helped me a lot! That makes a lot of sense

 

And I guess it was "long distance relationship" because we both lived 1 hour away...each way.

 

Thank you for your perspective.

 

No problem.

 

There are lots a great people out there there are also a good share of ones who will not be good for you.

 

Everyone has there own way or perspective of doing things. Some just choose unhealthy ways. What is unhealthy? The acid test is: is that person getting what they want out of life?

 

Doing what you want in the short term is not necessarily the best thing for the long term. Lets face it life is about the long term as well as the short term. If someone is unstable in the short term its unlikely they will be getting their needs met in the long term. Highly unlikely. Its even more unlikely that they will be able to provide a relationship for someone else for the long term.

 

So why get involved with these people?

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Immature people with low self-esteem love to play with others in the way you describe because the resulting feedback from your proposed reaction (a long bitter email) fuels their insecure ego and gives them a sense of control and power. Do you want to give them an ego boost?

 

Ignoring people who do things like this drives them ABSOLUTELY CRAZY and annoys them to no end. Wouldn't you rather annoy them with your complete silence and utter disdain than fuel their ego?

 

You're prob right, but it's been 4 weeks. It hurts like crazy "not knowing" if this will last a lifetime.

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C'mon, are you trolling the forum with that? That letter is playing right into their hands.

 

Immature people with low self-esteem love to play with others in the way you describe because the resulting feedback from your proposed reaction (a long bitter email) fuels their insecure ego and gives them a sense of control and power. Do you want to give them an ego boost?

 

Ignoring people who do things like this drives them ABSOLUTELY CRAZY and annoys them to no end. Wouldn't you rather annoy them with your complete silence and utter disdain than fuel their ego?

 

I know it sounds counterintuitive, but can assure you in 99% of such cases, it's absolutely the truth. Send them a message of silence that lets them know for sure that you are above their pettiness.

 

Too true.

 

Nothing says "I dont give a shizzle" that simply not talking to them.

 

I have an ex who although nowhere near what yours was like, wasnt straight up with me. In fact she was pretty dishonest about somethings.

 

She has contacted me several times over the last 8 years even though she is married and I have long since moved on. I give a polite "doing great" type of converstation and when she continues I simply dont respond. I have no time for her as I dont need her in my life and shes not really the type of person I want in my life.

 

I am glad I did not invest more than a couple of months of my time in her.

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Unfortunately, thats EXACTLY how I'm being treated

 

So if they dont care what would sending the letter do? If they dont care they dont care. Its highly unlikely they will all of a sudden say "jeez shes really upset, guess I better start caring."

 

Thats the problem we humans have. We think other should care about what we care about. We think even if we dont care about ourselves that someone else should care. We have this idea that if we can really get accross to them how much we care about something that they will see "our point" and all of a sudden change and start caring.

 

He may all of a sudden start to give you signs that he might care. He may give you what you want. But understand that what he considers caring is different than yours. Its simply 99.999999% impossible that he will have a change of heart overnight.

 

I know it sucks to hear this. Its hurts. But it is life. And you have to deal with life and what it hands you.

 

The best thing now it to start the process of moving on. Greive the loss. Focus on what you want and start to move towards that. I would also figure out why you gravitated towards this individual in the first place. You might want to avoid similar guys in the future but you need to know why you choose the persons you do to be able to:

 

1) Avoid your motivations driving you in that direction again.

2) Work on your motivators to work on getting what you want.

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Sorry, I don't know if the ex was a him or a her, I just assumed a 'him' from what Tyler said.

 

Besides the overall line I gave above of DO NOT SEND IT, I ask you to look at the following exerpts:

 

I'm trying my hardest to move on, after all you dumped me. So when you sort your problems out and make a decision as to if you love me or not, and want to be boyfriend/girlfirend, then by all means call me...and if i'm still available and not in a relationship then we can start up a relationship. But don't think for one moment that if i'm with another person i'm just going to drop them for you, because that's not fair to them...nor me.

 

I made you first place in my life and you threw me away, without even caring what would happen to me. If you ever want to be a part of my life again, you're going to have to prove to me that I can trust you.

 

Please look at these lines in the context of your overall message, which is that he/she is bad news and you are too good for him/her. Why on earth are you leaving the door open for a reconciliation? This looks terrible, and it's not good for you.

 

The first time you dumped me with the silent treatment you knew it made me suicidal, yet you intentionally did it again. The fact that you didn't even bother to call me back ASAP this time, when I told you I was "suicidal," speaks volumes...

 

I wasn't sure whether to comment on this, but decided to after all. I sincerely hope you did not feel suicidal, and if you did, I am sorry, and hope you feel better. Now please read this again, with as clear a mind as you can. You are threatening to kill yourself based on how some person treated you, and are leaving messages to that effect for them? Is this person young, are you young? Because I can tell you that most people I can imagine hearing that their relationship partner (whatever the relationship) is threatening suicide in this manner would be scared to death, would not know what to do. And the younger they are the chances are the less life experience they have to draw on to cope with this situation. Like I said, I really hope you are okay. But you should never, ever do this stuff. Not ever.

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So if they dont care what would sending the letter do? If they dont care they dont care. Its highly unlikely they will all of a sudden say "jeez shes really upset, guess I better start caring."

 

haha, i see your point. i guess im really naive.

 

i just dont understand how a person can go from:

 

A) calling 5 times a day

B) being intimate

 

to

 

C) completelty throwing me away and "not caring"

 

 

But the truth hurts, and I needed to hear it.

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Oh please do not send that email. Don't send even a portion of it. Please. Consider it a personal vent, a diary entry, whatever. But do not, under any circumstances, let this near this ex or anyone who knows him.

 

 

Why? Isn't open communication good? I'm not embarrssed to share my feelings with anyone.

 

EDIT-- just read your other post. Thank you.

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They're just sitting at home with someone else, waiting for you to send this. They probably have a bet going. Please don't send it! It won't make any difference to them, and you will look like a lovesick fool. Don't give them that satisfaction.

 

 

 

I feel like I've been "played." It's "all a game" to them.

 

What does "lovesick" mean? If I love someone I give it my all. LOL

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Why? Isn't open communication good? I'm not embarrssed to share my feelings with anyone.

 

This is not open communication, it is a torrent of abuse and venting, with mixed messages. It screams 'need', and if you sent it I can guarantee that if he wanted to be distant from you before, he would want to be doubly distant from you after reading it.

 

Sorry, I don't mean to be harsh. I understand how you came to write this, the feelings behind it. But no good can come of sending this. This is your personal vent, it is not 'communication'. If communication is seriously your aim, then pick three main points, gather your thoughts concisely around them, and meet him face to face.

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It's good that you vented your anger and disgust -- to yourself. Now delete it or put it away somewhere and forget about it. If only half of what you wrote had happened to you I would have said she was a lunatic.

 

Let go of her. I've dated my share of nuts including at least one as crazy as your ex here. Been there, done that. Nothing and I mean nothing you do will impact her. She'll get pissed and hate you all the more. But nothing will make her go, "gosh, I messed up." She's obviously a gold-digger and sorry to say, by her own words, a prostitute to one degree or another.

 

Come on. Have some self-love and some self-respect. You deserve more than this. Go check out this thread:

 

Cut her out of your mind and heart. Pretend she's left this world.

 

Realize that what goes around, comes around. This lady will get hers. What would you say if this was a man treating a woman like this? You would say he's a dog and tell her to walk away.

 

Your anger is normal. Don't let it fester into hate. You don't need to live like that.

 

I wish you the best.

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I'd leave it. Try and let go of the anger now and get some positivity back in your life. I can see you gave too much and it became one sided.

 

 

My mother, who's been married for 30 years, always told me that relationships are never truly "equal".

 

There is ALWAYS going to be one side of the relationship where that person is more into the relationship, than the other....

 

Anyhow, right now I just feel so helpless. I've never felt so much anger and rage.

 

I dont like "internalizing" my rage... especially since I never got the chance to express "my side" of the story.

 

It's like I don't even exist.

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You deserve more than this. Go check out this thread:

 

Cut her out of your mind and heart. Pretend she's left this world.

 

Realize that what goes around, comes around. This lady will get hers.

 

Your anger is normal. Don't let it fester into hate. You don't need to live like that.

 

I wish you the best.

 

 

It's just so hard to instantly go from "loving" someone.... to "pretending she's left this world."

 

Now all my "future relationships" are going to be messed up because in the back of my head I'll always be thinking: "this person might abandon me the very next minute without even telling me why..."

 

Love is voluntery and conditional; however, I feel someone should always TELL YOU why they are dumping you.

 

I guess I'm too naive.

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