Jump to content

Why do I attract men I normally don't find attractive?


Aaliyah

Recommended Posts

I don't understand it's quite frustrating to me. Before anyone lash out at me talking about I'm superficial, you have to realize that you can't help who you're attracted to. I'm a little discouraged that I will never find a man I feel mutual feelings for. I normally seem to attract men that I normally don't feel any chemistry with.. or a man I'm not attracted to. However it's flattering to get hit on & I'm always respectful to the men that do hit on me, however it's a blow to myself esteem & it's a little aggravating. I have to question why is it that I'm attracting these type of men, is it because I'm ugly too? Etc etc.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the club! And it's not superficial at all to want to attract men that you find physically appealing. I am always meeting guys who I am not attracted to, but are nuts about me. Of course it's flattering, but I want to connect with someone who I find physically attractive. I think I have somewhat high standards - I have very unique taste in men, and men that most women would consider "hot", don't really impress me. When I find someone I am attracted to I know it -- straight away and without hesitation. Don't give up! There's got to be a guy out there for us!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think all women get their share of being hit on by men she doesn't find attractive. It is a sheer numbers game. Women are attracted to probably fewer men that they see in public then they aren't, thus the fact that you are getting hit on by those men in the largre sector is just sheer propensity. I don't think this is an isolated incidence for you only. IT happens probably for most single women. When i was single I was hit on by many men i didn't find attractive. It is just par for the course.

 

I am sure many men can also say that they have had women attracted to them they were not attracted to in a larger proportion than those they were actually attracted to in their lifetime.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I see lots of posts like this on ENA and they always leave out specifics. In what specific ways do you find the men who hit on you unattractive?

 

For example, if a guy is morbidly obese with bad breath, that's one thing, but if he doesn't conform to ideal height expectations (but is still taller than you) and isn't cut and under 10% body fat, that's quite another. So what are we talking about here?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I always seemed to get the ones after me, that I wasn't attracted to either...that I wasn't physically attracted that is. I've done my fair share of running and hiding....lol

It's rare I find myself physically attracted to a guy...I aint easy pleased and would never settle for anything less than I want...if that takes forever, so be it.

 

I have met guys though who I wasn't physically attracted to at first, but the attraction grew. It helps if he's a really confident guy with a sense of humour.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What is keeping you from simply approaching guys you DO find attractive? It can be done, and there isn't a reason not to try. I think it is funny how many girls say they have this problem, just because of the irony. Sure, guys traditionally do the "asking out" and "approaching" but unless you're willing to make changes and go after what you want, don't expect any sympathy. I know most girls will say that they are too shy (at least when it comes to asking guys out), or that they never do the asking out, but what do they expect to happen?

 

It makes it seem like women leave their relationships entirely up to chance, (determined by the guys that do ask them out). It just seems like that attitude is very ineffective for meeting the right person.

 

If you can't bring yourself to straight-up ask a guy you like out, at least hint it to him that you want him to ask you out. Flirt, tell him you're looking for something to do on the weekend.

 

This may sound funny, but when it comes to approaching men, women need to grow a pair.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So you want equal rights, for men and women in the dating game.

 

Funny how there is no label for a guy who shouts, 'equality'.....

 

If you are a woman crying 'equality', you are a 'feminist' and guys hate 'feminists'....

 

You are a GUY and were born with nuts....use em!

 

It's your job to pursue the ladies.

 

I tend to find that those guys who shout the loudest ie: WOMEN SHOULD PURSUE'....as being the ones who are scared sensless of rejection and who dare not approach a woman themselves...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So you want equal rights, for men and women in the dating game.

 

Funny how there is no label for a guy who shouts, 'equality'.....

 

If you are a woman crying 'equality', you are a 'feminist' and guys hate 'feminists'....

 

You are a GUY and were born with nuts....use em!

 

It's your job to pursue the ladies.

 

I tend to find that those guys who shout the loudest ie: WOMEN SHOULD PURSUE'....as being the ones who are scared sensless of rejection and who dare not approach a woman themselves...

 

 

Wow, that was the sexist thing I've read in a while. Good job.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

the reason why the dating world is so fubar'd right now is because of the books people read. and choose to consider it their bibles in regards to dating.

 

if you are interested in a guy, give him hints. no one is telling you to jump on him completely naked. if you don't show hints you're interested then the consequences, as stated by the OP, are a result.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow, that was the sexist thing I've read in a while. Good job.

 

I get tired of hearing men crying that women should pursue more, ask a guy for his number and out on dates....blah,blah, blah

It's just not ladylike to chase after men.

 

It's almost like the roles are reversing.

 

Men becoming like women and women becoming like men...

 

The men fluttering their eyelashes, while the woman chases around after them and tries to woe them...

 

Honestly!!! LOL

Link to comment
Share on other sites

the reason why the dating world is so fubar'd right now is because of the books people read. and choose to consider it their bibles in regards to dating.

 

if you are interested in a guy, give him hints. no one is telling you to jump on him completely naked. if you don't show hints you're interested then the consequences, as stated by the OP, are a result.

 

If this was a guy I liked, he wouldn't have to second guess me. He'd know I liked him because I'd make it obvious.

 

I'm just not an approacher. As in ask for his number, ask him on a date, or ask how he feels about me. Because I feel that if he is really interested, he will approach me for my number, he will ask me for a date, etc, etc....and especially if Im making it obvious I like him.

 

If he doesn't approach, then he's either a) dense b) not interested.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I get tired of hearing men crying that women should pursue more, ask a guy for his number and out on dates....blah,blah, blah

It's just not ladylike to chase after men.

 

It's almost like the roles are reversing.

 

Men becoming like women and women becoming like men...

 

The men fluttering their eyelashes, while the woman chases around after them and tries to woe them...

 

Honestly!!! LOL

 

With that description its like dating a log, a log with T&A because a girl that has absolutely no personality doesnt put them apart from anyone else, just a slab of meat, making the girl worth as much as she looks, so not wanting to be treated like that women are 'feminist'? Or less respected? I think you are very mistaken here.

 

Your right some men, are terrified of rejection and 'flutter' their eyebrows, but you have generalized it so much that even the idea of a different kind of man looking for a different kind of women seems almost homosexual, thats just abolutely riddiculous.

 

But 'on' topic, ive noticed the same thing happens to just about everyone... I think we always look a little above our sights, 'swing for the fences' ? i mean its a great strategy, so if you look at it like that, people dont usually 'date down' or attempt to meet people that are below their league.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I get tired of hearing men crying that women should pursue more, ask a guy for his number and out on dates....blah,blah, blah

It's just not ladylike to chase after men.

 

It's almost like the roles are reversing.

 

Men becoming like women and women becoming like men...

 

The men fluttering their eyelashes, while the woman chases around after them and tries to woe them...

 

Honestly!!! LOL

 

And we men are tired of hearing women complain that they aren't being approached by men they find attractive. If you aren't going to put forth any effort to go after what you want, you have no right to complain about what you do end up getting. Taking a passive approach means you're settling for whatever men (collectively) decide to give you. Put up or shut up, I say.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I really don't understand why it is the guys job to do the pursuing. Men aren't any different than women, we're all people. It's attitudes like that, and all these stupid books like "The Rules" that making dating even harder than it already is.

 

I agree with the folks that are saying to flirt with the guys you do like. Maybe the guys you tend to be attracted to tend to be shy and need a little hint or help. Who knows?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

And we men are tired of hearing women complain that they aren't being approached by men they find attractive. If you aren't going to put forth any effort to go after what you want, you have no right to complain about what you do end up getting. Taking a passive approach means you're settling for whatever men (collectively) decide to give you. Put up or shut up, I say.

 

Uhm...I don't recall complaining, I was sharing an experience.

OP was the one grumbling...

 

I think you will find, that for the majority, women like to be pursued and not the pursuer. It's been like that for centuries and will continue to remain that way and whether you like it or not.... so you best get used to it.

 

incidentally, most guys I have ever been interested in, had a reciprocated interest in me....and they actually possessed the nuts, to approach me....so all was good

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So you want equal rights, for men and women in the dating game.

 

Funny how there is no label for a guy who shouts, 'equality'.....

 

If you are a woman crying 'equality', you are a 'feminist' and guys hate 'feminists'....

 

You are a GUY and were born with nuts....use em!

 

It's your job to pursue the ladies.

 

I tend to find that those guys who shout the loudest ie: WOMEN SHOULD PURSUE'....as being the ones who are scared sensless of rejection and who dare not approach a woman themselves...

 

 

WOW, I don't understand why you are attacking me??? I didn't say that women should be coming up to ME and asking ME out.

 

I didn't mean to say that women should do ALL the work. I meant to say that she should be able to go up to a guy she finds attractive and simply say "hi"??? That would at least initiate conversation, and give her an opportunity to flirt and for him to ask her out. If she doesn't take that opportunity, and just hopes that an attractive guy comes up to her, how is the guy supposed to know she is interested?

 

But I still stand by the idea that women CAN initiate romantic interest (I never said they SHOULD or that that's the way it should be). If you completely dismiss that idea, then you don't give women enough credit. Saying that a person shouldn't do ANYTHING because they are a woman is a big step backwards.

 

People are getting too bent out of shape with this "role reversal" idea, I NEVER said that, chill out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If this was a guy I liked, he wouldn't have to second guess me. He'd know I liked him because I'd make it obvious.

 

I'm just not an approacher. As in ask for his number, ask him on a date, or ask how he feels about me. Because I feel that if he is really interested, he will approach me for my number, he will ask me for a date, etc, etc....and especially if Im making it obvious I like him.

 

If he doesn't approach, then he's either a) dense b) not interested.

 

The original poster is talking about how she doesn't find the guys that approach her attractive, NOT that guys she finds attractive approach her, then DON'T ask her out. From her original post, she is giving the impression that guys she finds attractive don't approach her at all. How are these guys supposed to know? Telepathy?

 

So she walks into a party, and sees guys she finds attractive. She's saying that none of those guys approach her. So she is just supposed to wait for this to happen? Unless she is the only girl there, she is just happening on chance that one of them will approach her.

 

You said that if a guy doesn't approach he's either dense or not interested? MAYBE he doesn't even know she is there, or has even seen her in a room full of other women.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I used to have the same problem as this girl!

 

signals:

 

(depending on your personality/upbringing you may consider these "signals" as somewhat forward)

 

1) hand on thigh

2) hugging the guy, tightly, not too tightly but really hugging him and enjoying the feeling of his body... guys pick up on stuff like that

3) kissing him on the cheek... letting it linger

4) hand on his arm, hand...

 

But not all women can pull it off and do it right. You have to sense a guy's "comfort zone" and how comfortable he is with you doing these things to him. He could be gay for all you know and may not like it! I'd still give it a go! You're never going to meet "the one" or someone you like by just sitting and watching the party.

 

And there have been many times I sat watching the party and I realized that sending some signals (and unfortunately, mixed signals is a result no matter what) is what you have to do.

 

My two cents.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Male or Female, it doesn't matter. Consider if you will the example of a thermostat vs. a thermometer. One controls it's environment, the other is controlled by it. Which would you prefer to be? You can choose to sit back and let things happen to you or you can get out there and create the life you want. It doesn't matter whether your genitals are internal or external.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

You are a GUY and were born with nuts....use em!

 

It's your job to pursue the ladies.

 

I tend to find that those guys who shout the loudest ie: WOMEN SHOULD PURSUE'....as being the ones who are scared sensless of rejection and who dare not approach a woman themselves...

 

It's easy for you to say that because you're a woman. You probably just stand there and wait for the guys to come to you, and all you have to do is just pick and choose. That's pretty damn easy. Let me ask you, have you ever been rejected before? It hurts and it's a blow to your ego. Women with your views make it really hard for us guys who aren't as outgoing as others.

 

I view relationships as a team effort - give-and-take, and vice versa - not one-sided. I don't mind pursuing and adoring a girl, as long as she's willing to do the same for me. Us guys like to feel wanted too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

most guys won't initiate anything with a woman unless they show some signs of interest like smiling at him to begin with. if i see some woman with a 'stone cold killer' look on her face, i sure as hell am not gonna talk to her.

 

seriously i think women on these forums expect way too much from a guy.. but then again its ena

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I always find it funny when a female poster says something along the lines of "I won't approach a guy because I tried that once and had my heart broken". Umm, yeah, it's called rejection. That's what guys who are expected to approach all the time have to deal with (and eventually become unfazed by).

 

Nobody is saying women should approach as much as men, but it's nice to spice things up a little bit. It can especially help someone who doesn't like the type of people they're being approached by.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...