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Emotional Agony 3 Months On


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I'm sorry to moan on here, but i feel at the moment like i'm out of people to talk to about this so i need to vent and get some input off you guys hopefully

 

I miss my ex-boyfriend so much it hurts sometimes. We've been broken up and NC for 3 months, but a lot of the time it feels like its only been 3 weeks. He has a new girlfriend - but they're in a LD r/ship - and i imagine he must be happy with her. I know me and him weren't right for each other, but it doesn't change the fact that he's in my thoughts every single day and he's the person i think about most in the world. I'm absolutely desperate for contact with him - any kind of contact (we don't have each other's msn or facebook or anything anymore so thats out), even though he treated me badly. On the few occasions we have run into each other in the last month, we've been doing mutual ignoring and one of us has usually been with friends.

When i go out, i look for him everywhere. When i'm with my friends i can't sit still in case he turns up. When i'm walking home, i imagine maybe he'll have popped in and be on my sofa waiting for me to return.

Nothing about it feels final (i should add we've been on and off for the last year and even after the nastiest of arguments we reunited), and it just feels like we're going through those few months of NC before we give it another go again like we used to. Except that isn't happening.

My friends are sick of me talking about him - he usually pops into loads of our convos - and i feel i can't tell them how upset i feel. If i mention him, they roll their eyes and tell me i deserve better, etc etc. Empty words that don't help at all. I've kissed another guy since him but it felt all wrong, and i feel bad cos know i'm starting to play with him when i feel low to fill the void my ex has left which is wrong. I keep myself busy with friends, flatmates, classes, going out - but nothing works.

 

I just don't know what to do anymore and i feel like my friends, because they haven't been in a break-up for so long now, have forgotten how hard it is to "just forget" someone and i feel like i need real support. I still cry about how much i miss him even now...

Has anyone any ideas or advice that could help me please? I'm desperate for something to make this easier

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I don't know if it makes you feel better, but I'm in the exact same situation as you.

 

Me and my ex had been off and on again for a year and a half. The last time, I broke up with him because he lied to me, then after a month of sad, depressed, apologetic text msgs and phone conversations where he told me how much I meant to him, bla bla bla, I got back with him. 3 weeks later we were still dealing with this stupid GUY he had hooked up with, to the point that I caused a scene in front of his friends and he ended up dumping ME for "starting drama."

 

Now it's been 3 weeks NC, and I too can't stop thinking about him, even though I know he is bad for me. I, too, am dating--I have a lot of guys in my "queue" right now but with none of them do I have the "connection" that I THOUGHT I had with my ex.

 

I mean, honestly, if I meant so much to him, then he would've stuck it out and worked things out, right? That is the hardest thing, is the disconnect between all the crap he fed me before I got back with him, and the way he behaved at the end. I feel a real lack of closure.

 

Like you, I keep thinking he's going to come back--he has, through TWO breakups from before. But I know intellectually it would be disaster to get back with him.

 

I am also trying to distract myself-hanging out wiht friends, doing fun things, hobbies, sports, working out to take my mind off of it...but I still feel the nagging pain inside. I think it's just something we have to learn to live with...you know, like people who have bullets lodged in their brains. You just work around it. That's the best advice I can give.

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That is the hardest thing, is the disconnect between all the crap he fed me before I got back with him, and the way he behaved at the end.

 

My ex told me just a couple of days before she broke up with me that she couldn't wait to marry me. lol.

 

All I can say, not knowing you at all and just reading about the pain you're feeling is that I'm glad for you that you're feeling it now rather than when things could have been even more complicated (kids, a mortgage, etc) and that it's going to open up doors for you down the road that are going to change your life.

 

The pain, and I know it well, isn't something I'd wish on anyone (well, okay, a couple people maybe)...haha...so I'm not happy that you have to go through it at all from a feelings standpoint, but it's going to strengthen your heart and mind.

 

That goes for you too laymisse. It's only been 3 months. Your friends might be worn out from hearing about him, but we're always here.

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Your right to stay in no contact, keep it up and rid your life of anything that reminds you of him (if you have not done so already). When you find yourself thinking about him, try to immediately redirect your thoughts. When you go out with your friends try not to talk about him, and focus on having fun with them, and like you said your friends are most likely sick of hearing about him and probably want their old fun friend back. Be sure to keep busy and enjoy life as much as you can. It would probably be best to stay away from dating or hooking up for the time being, you will just compare any new guys to your ex and it will not work, until you are over him and comfortable being single you will never be able to connect with anybody, and as you said you don't want to hurt anybody by making them into a short-lived rebound. Best of luck.

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