Jump to content

cold feet?? help!


Last1standing2
Is My Relationship Over - Signs
Is My Relationship Over - Signs

Recommended Posts

I'm 25, and am engaged to a wonderful man. We're getting married on June 27th this summer. My problem is that recently (alot) we've been arguing about everything and anything, and it just doesn't seem like we're as "together" as we used to be. We have 1 year old twin girls together, and I also have a 6 year old and a 5 year old from a previous marriage that he has adopted as his own. We've been together for 3 years, and I really do love him. Lately alot though, I've been having alot of second thoughts about our relationship. He's gotten very distant lately, and just goes out of his way to be nasty for no reason alot of the time now. It breaks my heart! He wasn't ever like this before. I know I can count on him when I need him, without a doubt, but I'm confused about why things have suddenly changed. We used to be so close, and now, he ignores me all the time. He doesn't even pretend to listen when I try to talk to him about something, and will actually pick up his cell phone and make phone calls or send texts right in the middle of our conversation. When he's not on his phone, he's sitting on the computer. I do everything around the house and with the kids, and it's like he thinks it's only his job to help out when he feels like it. When we argue about any of this stuff, he apoligizes and says that he isn't trying to make me feel like he doesn't care anymore at all, and that he loves me with all his heart; but then he turns right back around and does the exact same thing later on. I just don't know if this is a result of stress from the upcoming wedding (which we are paying for and planning entirely on our own) or if it's a bigger problem. And also, I think it may partly be my fault. I think I may kind of unintentionally be picking fights about things that don't really matter because I'm scared about the upcoming wedding. My first marriage was a sham, I was 18 and pregnant, and scared to death, and at the time thought it was the best option. It was a disaster to say the least. My ex was never around and was a severe alcoholic and it was horrible before I finally left. I'm afraid that my insecurities about marriage in general after that experience are causing me to unintentionally pick at him for things that I should let go in an attempt to distance myself emotionally. So this is the big question, is it me? or is it him? and if I'm having these doubts now, how bad is it going to be after the wedding??? Please help!! I don't want to lose him, but part of me feels like I already have. He says he has absolutely no doubts about us getting married when I bring it up to him though. I just don't know what to do!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

People don't change after marriage.

 

Perhaps you've finally gotten into the reality of the relationship.

 

Are you two involved in any kind of premartial counseling ?

Maybe it would be a good idea.

 

The things you mentioned are very common marital issues.

However, I do think it might be a good idea to have someone mediate these issues for you before you get married and make sure it's what you both want.

 

Just keep in mind, Marriage doesn't (Nor is it supposed to) make everything perfect. You'll both still have issues, arguments, quirks, and minor irritations with one another throughout your relationship- Things will never be 100 % picture perfect, so make sure that's not your expectation.

Compromise is key here. It comes down to loving the person for entirely who are, with compromises on both sides along the way.

 

Just make sure you don't have an unrealistic view of marriage, what you are experiencing now is very real. Dating is over, and now real life begins.

Is this a life you can see yourselves sharing ?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...