It gets better.

[HoopUK]

Okay, I just wrote this down because I need to release the pressure somewhere.

 

So, at the start of 2009 my world falls apart. I’m unemployed, having to scrounge money together every month to pay for my flat, there are no jobs in the city to go for, my friends are starting to receive promotions and my girlfriend has left me. After I supported her emotional needs, when I was no longer the carefree, affluent, driven man I was when we met, she ditched me because she had a crush on somebody else. She didn’t want to help me out of my dark mental space, she didn’t want to work on our relationship. She wanted to walk away. The person who I thought was the most generous, kind-hearted, prettiest, affectionate woman I’d ever met left me. Dammit, she even had a pair of Star Trek earrings. The perfect match for me? I’d say so. I don’t think I need to write down what that did to me.

 

But it gets better.

 

No contact, low contact, whatever works for you. The only secret is time. Further down the road you will look back and see the truth. All the off-hand comments you convinced yourself didn’t mean anything. The sudden secrecy. The under-the-table-at-the-pub text messaging. Whatever signs there were, they’ll show themselves and while they’ll tear your heart out again, you’ll quickly learn how to take it back and slot it back into your gaping chest cavity. Because that’s what humans do. That’s what we’ve always done.

 

70,000 years ago, proto-human began to migrate from the African grasslands and set out accross the world. Our genetic ancestors fought other tribes and each other for resources, mates and power. They overcame seasonal changes that would bring our modern cities to their knees. They overcame astronomical odds of surviving – at one point the entire human race stood at a mere 8000 people. We survived. We always will survive. Take a walk outside and look at the energy we expend in simply existing. Look at each person as you walk past them. 80% of them have known heartache and misery, but they are still there, existing, and to what end? There is none. We are simply a statistical likelihood. Somewhere in the galaxy, life had to form eventually – how, we don’t know – but it did, and there is no point hardwired into us. None at all. We just are. And that is what is beautiful about life, because it’s just a blank sheet of intention and goals, and it’s up to us to write down what we want to do and then do it.

 

Flex your arms. Ball your fists together. The mechanisms that allow us to do something we take for granted every second of every day have evolved beyond all odds; have gradually assembled themselves over millions of years. Each evolutionary point has faced extinction from all manner of sources, for no reason. Because life isn’t fair or just. It just is. It’s something that has formed into something so complex and intelligent and self-aware that it can write these words down on a computer because it’s faced hardship. The odds against it surviving made it stronger. And it’s up to us to recognise this universal truth and harness its possibilities. Not mope, not live in the past, no wonder how, why, what if? Not any of these things. But push forward out of respect for the spirit that has seen our race through the darkest times imaginable and for those who will come in the future. Give in to self-pity and misery now and you’re letting our species down. We’re all better than that.

 

I look forward to myself 3 months down the road. For now I’ll take it one day at a time. But I know it gets better, because to believe anything else would mean we’d have never made it so far.

 

Good luck today. I dread to think of how many people need it.

[kayamoyan]

Your post reminded me of Shakespeare:

 

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more; it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

 

A humbling reminder for us all.

[Dosed]

Excellent post.

 

I LMAO at the earings part and gazed off into my own world at the rest. Is this your own writting or have you quoted? If the former, you should write more.

[icarus27]

Hoop,

(from another Brit)

 

it truly lifts me to read you write so well about the self-respect we can all have. You sound like a man with dignity.

 

All the best.

[HoopUK]

Excellent post.

 

I LMAO at the earings part and gazed off into my own world at the rest. Is this your own writting or have you quoted? If the former, you should write more.

 

Thanks. I wrote it while I was out jogging.

 

I'm a writer by trade, but usually financial and news stuff... ](*,)

[HoopUK]

Hoop,

(from another Brit)

 

it truly lifts me to read you write so well about the self-respect we can all have. You sound like a man with dignity.

 

All the best.

 

If only you'd seen me a few weeks ago. Her jumper with saturated with salty residue from my side (and not the stuff that's fun to soak people in!)

[UCLAMike]

The only secret is time. Further down the road you will look back and see the truth. All the off-hand comments you convinced yourself didn’t mean anything. The sudden secrecy. The under-the-table-at-the-pub text messaging. Whatever signs there were, they’ll show themselves and while they’ll tear your heart out again, you’ll quickly learn how to take it back and slot it back into your gaping chest cavity. Because that’s what humans do. That’s what we’ve always done.

 

This is one part I could not agree with more. As time passes, I can see more clearly that I really had loved her. Only sure thing is that I am unsure of who she is and her motive. Too many red flags. Too many suspicion. Too quick of a split up. Too quick of moving on on her part.

 

I feel freer each day. It's not about her anymore it's about me and my future.

[Tiredofthehurt]

Hi all.

 

Just wanted to say how much I empathise with Hoop-I'm in a situation with a lot of commonalities. This isn't my first time at this dance (not just in general, but with this particular woman), and it's horrible. I know it gets better, but when you get dumped with no explanation, it's awful. Even worse when they ring you up to see how you're doing.

 

Take care all.