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This is hard for me to write. Tonight was the first time I admitted to myself that I may be gay. I have for a while now considered myself a bisexual but lately I have felt that I identify more closely with being a lesbian. I watch the L-word, I read a lot of information on current gay rights and gay theory. I remember when I was young and I prayed to god that I wouldn't be a lesbian.

 

And that's the thing...I have a boyfriend. We have been dating three years and we live together. He is my best friend and has always been kind and understanding. However, I have almost always been disinterested in sex with him, and now find it difficult to want to kiss or be near him, even though I do love him. I feel horrible because he feels like he isn't good enough, and he is such a wonderful man and is always attentive. When we have sex I can usually only get turned on when I think about women (which I feel is almost like cheating). I would never cheat and wouldn't think about it, and I would not feel comfortable with a threesome or anything. But I am confused. I may be just bisexual and very interested in women, but maybe I am gay. Lately I have been wanting to breakup with my boyfriend, but I never want to do it in the end. I am scared to be on my own, and I don't want to have to leave my apartment. That may seem lame but I am a poor student and can barely afford living as it is. I also never want to hurt him. I don't know what to do, especially when I'm not sure. That being said, I have never been with a woman dating-wise or sexually. I am terrified.

 

Advice? Sorry for the long diatribe.

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I think it's goning to be like anything new in your life. That's where the fear is coming from and it's very natural.

 

Of course most new additions to life don't including turning your world upside down so this challenge is going to be just that, a challenge.

 

You asked for advice so mine would be to explore your feelings, be honest with your current lover and take a break/break things off if you feel you must. I think living in a state of "what could have been", or just basic regret, is an easy way to turn your life into someone else's life.

 

Let's face it, what's in our best interest is what we will mostly likely do. So I feel no matter the outcome, you made your best choice.

 

I think the easiest way to fully accept it is to realise; just because it's against the "social" norm doesn't making it "Un-normal". I believe as a human race we are way off the path our primal instincts want us to follow.

 

I respond to your appology with one of my own; Sorry for all the dribble

 

-Kade

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You say that you don't want to hurt him, but the longer you put it off then the more hurt he is going to be in the end. Of course, he might be hurt initially but these things happen and it is necessary. You need to tell him about these feelings. And if you need to break-up with him in order to be happy and to be yourself, then so be it - it just has to be done, as scary as it is.

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You say that you don't want to hurt him, but the longer you put it off then the more hurt he is going to be in the end. Of course, he might be hurt initially but these things happen and it is necessary. You need to tell him about these feelings. And if you need to break-up with him in order to be happy and to be yourself, then so be it - it just has to be done, as scary as it is.

 

Absolutely true but it is easier said than done.

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Lately I have been wanting to breakup with my boyfriend, but I never want to do it in the end. I am scared to be on my own, and I don't want to have to leave my apartment. That may seem lame but I am a poor student and can barely afford living as it is. I also never want to hurt him. I don't know what to do, especially when I'm not sure. That being said, I have never been with a woman dating-wise or sexually. I am terrified.

 

Advice? Sorry for the long diatribe.

 

I think it's natural to be afraid, but it's not fair to your boyfriend to be dating someone who's not interested in him. Basically what you're doing is using him for an apartment and companionship, which is not fair. I know this is difficult, but it is something that needs to be done, and the longer you put it off the more you will end up hurting the both of you.

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I have a boyfriend.

 

However, I have almost always been disinterested in sex with him, and now find it difficult to want to kiss or be near him, even though I do love him.

 

I say break up with him because u do not love him, at least anymore...

 

Before u start another relationship with a man, i think u need to date a woman. Find out what its like, find out if that is what u want.

 

Regardless of if ur straight, bi, gay, its clear u dont care for your boyfriend, your using him for his apartment which is wrong. If he wants to be friends, or even just let u continue living there, thats his choice, but he at the least needs to know the truth.

 

Wouldn't you want to know?

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How old are you? Have your feelings of 'being gay' increased as you read more about gay rights/issues and watched 'gay' shows like the L-Word?

 

How was your interest in your boyfriend for the first 3 years? 2-3 years is usually the ceiling on passion in a relationship...then it must transform to a more proactive desire.

 

In either case, I think you need to let your bf know what you are feeling. If you guys are living together for so long it would be best to include him in your decision rather than simply walking out one day.

 

Good luck finding your way...

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