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He won't repsond to me, what should I do?


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I met this guy in an online game 6 years ago, we spoke online all throughout college. We became pretty close friends and I went to meet him in July 2007. I have visited him 4 times since in various states, including his parents house.

 

We had a discussion about how we both liked each other and wanted to get to know each other better in person because you can't really get to know a person through the internet. He lives accross the country, but I plan to move there for job purposes in September. I met his family this past summer and his younger brother lived at my house for a few months during that time.

 

I visited him in the beginning of October and he kept saying he had "things going on" and would only hang out with me when his roommate was around. Well, except when he dropped me off at the airport, that was the only time we were able to spend together alone. The last time he spoke to me was the end of October. Everything seemed fine during our last conversation.

 

However, the day before Halloween is the last day we ever spoke. I thought he was busy with work and moving into his new place so I didn't try to contact him until December even though it was very usual for us not to speak everyday. The last thing he said to me in a text was "I'm busy."

 

I missed him a lot and was confused as to why he was acting this way. panicked and sent him emails, texts, and left him voicemails apologizing for bothering him and trying to find out what was wrong. I even left two voicemails crying. He hasn't reponded to anything.

 

We're both 25 and pretty shy people. Neither of us have ever been in a relationship and I know he's not dating anyone now from what his friends and family members say. The last I've heard from his brother was that he told his mother that he wanted to "pull away" from me. This confuses me so much. The only thing I can assume is that I bothered him too much and became jealous when I saw him giving attention to other people and ignoring me. Regardless of the feelings I have for him, I always told him if he doesn't feel the same then he could just be honest with me and I was fine being just friends. Essentially that's all we ever really were.

 

His younger brother told me that he told his mother he wants to pull away from me. This makes me feel as if I've done something horrible. Yet he will not tell me what that could possibly be.

 

I'm going to be in his state for a week next month and was planning on going over to his apartment and just playing it cool as if I don't care and give him the concert tickets I bought for him and his roommate a few months ago. I know his roommate wants to hang out because I speak to him very often. However, I'm unsure if this is a good idea or not. I don't want it to seem as if I'm attacking him.

 

I love this boy to death and I don't want to lose him. My friends tell me to just forget about him but that's really hard to do that when I don't understand what happened. I've been told I should just let him be and not try to contact him anymore. I haven't tried at all since January. Is that the right thing to do?

 

I really would like to see him next month if only for a brief moment if possible.

 

Does anyone have any advice for me?

Any thoughts or help would be appreciated.

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I understand your feelings. Losing someone you care about in one situation or another is a terribly painful thing.

It is my belief that your relationships with people are really the most important aspects of life. Your relationships shape who you are. When you truly care about someone then that relationship becomes something very special and important. You will never forget such people. The best thing is to have an open and honest conversation with them.

 

You have to let them know how you truly feel and you have to hear how they truly feel. After your feelings have been expressed then - if you truly care for someone - you must understand their feelings (even if they are painful to you). It is then important not to run away but to keep a bond. When you really care for someone you like them for who they are. If you maintain a relationship (as friends) then even if you are not lovers you can still be there for the person you care about. You can still be with that personality that you enjoy so much.

 

You might even find that if you allow that friendship to grow deep you can see parts of them that you would never be able to see as their lover.

 

Once you have a deep friendship like that it can lead to other things, like love.

 

In many cases people tend to fall for those who are there for them.

 

It is more difficult in your situation because it is long distance - unfortunately I can't think of an immediate way of having the needed conversation (I'll think about it though) - but whatever you do: don't let the relationship fade away. You have to try or else you will have a scar (however small, or however light) that is very hard to heal.

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Thanks for the response!

 

Well... I will be in his hometown in 3 weeks with my brother and friend for some interviews. That is the only way I can think of speaking to him. However I don't want to force a conversation on him if he doesn't want to. I was thinking of just dropping by his apartment and hopefully catching him home to drop off the concert tickets I bought for him and his roommate a few months ago. I was going to make the conversation light-hearted and if he wanted to talk about it then this would be his opportunity.

 

I was hoping of having the conversation go like this:

 

"Me: Hey, I was just dropping these off for you and your friend. I thought you guys might want to go."

 

Depending on his reaction we would either talk about everything or I would just say "It's nice to see you again. I gotta go."

 

I've been over thinking this entire situation since November and this is the only solution I could come up with.

Do you think this is a good or bad idea?

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