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feeling vulnerable


wtm78

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it has been 1 yr after the breakup. i have lost all my friends when i lost her. it had not been easy to start all over with nothing. i had a year of struggle. maybe this make me sound like a loser, i am actually feeling vulnerable. vulnerable to letting people into my life. yes i know i should take it like a man and tough it out. maybe i should just let it out again..

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It is so very hard to lose someone you love. It is just as terrible to lose friends to.

But everything is going to be okay. The hurt will cease but you must not let yourself dwell on these things of the past. Focus on the present and the happy things you can create for yourself there. Time will pass and hurt will continue to fade. Let it fade!

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Nothing is harder for a man to learn than how it feels to be vulnerable. As you get older, you realize that it is your vulnerable times and how you coped that make you the man you are. I can say, with all honesty, you will never feel the same pain again.

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Vulnerability is the susceptibility to physical or emotional injury or attack. It also means to have one's guard down, open to censure or criticism; assailable. Vulnerability refers to a person's state of being liable to succumb, as to persuasion or temptation. (from Wikipedia)

 

I do not like to feel vulnerable. Even though I know it is inevitable and how you cope helps personal growth. I do not enjoy how it felt. It tears me open leaving me feeling raw, and expose. Maybe I had a wound that needs to close it up. I desire to feel safe again. But it doesn't seems happening. Perhaps it is part of growth. Perhaps I am feeling insecure. What should I do? I need support which I am not getting any. Neither do I know how to ask. I wish things were easier like the times we were kids. But I know I got to shake that thought and come back to the real world. I pick up any responsibility and move on with my life. But at times I just wish I had someone I can confine in. Accepts me the way I am and gives me some support as I go along. I wish I had more people around me. I had needs, emotional needs that I am not getting it filled. I am running on an empty tank. I wonder why life seems so cruel, perhaps it is those painful moments of the past that shape you the way you are today. I needed the security and warmth like everyone else. I am not getting. is that a shame? Certainly not. I need acceptance and love and friendship, which I have lost. Indeed new friendship can be made. However, as you grow older, good friends are harder to find. The times when I was going through hardship, who were there for me? Yet the times friends had a difficulty, I was there for them. Am I wrong to feel hurt? Or is my expectation too high? My guess is most certainly not. Indeed I needed healing, inner healing to be exact. I wish I had not know this world the way I knew it. It became sad and depressing. I wish to know a world that is full of possibilities and hope for the future and filled with love and gentle kindness. Is that being overly feminine? I don't think so. Why does some women have ridiculous expectation of man? Man are man(human) too, why expect us to be infallible? I wish to find a better half, for the yearning for completion is deep. perhaps why I am deeply troubled and heavy. Where can I go? How should I proceed? Perhaps only god will know...

 

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