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Ex has finally decide to give me a chance, now I'm apprehensive


Ocean123
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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Hi there.

 

I could do with some advice.

My ex walked out on me after moving into my house last summer.

 

I did all the usual begging, crying pleading, (all the things i shouldn't have done)

I told her constantly that I loved her, and to please try again.

 

This went on for months, and slowly the love turned into anger and feelings of frustration and betrayal.

 

I spoke to lots of people (bored them with talk of her).

Most, if not everyone kept telling me to move on and some told me they didn't like her very much and she was wrong to walk out.

 

Eventually I had enough (valentines day weekend) and decided, no more. I will stop pursuing and get on with my life.

 

As if by magic, she came to see me during the week and said she may have made a big mistake and apologised for her actions.

 

Now I am at a loss, she has a lot of previous relationship issues, and I am going to end up with egg on my face if I give her another chance.

I may even run the risk of alienating friends and family (who have been extremely supportive and are very important in my life) if i take her back.

 

We've been together 4 years, and we get on very well, but I find I end up having 2 separate lives as she can be hard work and doesn't tend to get along with most people.

I am very easy going, and a people pleaser.

 

Do I give it another go, and explain to family and friends, most who will dissaprove.

Or do I move on?

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I'm in this same sort of situation. He's a great guy, I love him, but after he walked out on me I started just feeling resentment. I was sad and I missed him every day for weeks until I realised if I worked it out with him, I would probably end up with egg on my face... Or just generally unhappy.

My family & friends love him, but they hate our relationship (how it's been for the past year now) as he hasn't treated me all that well.. They will be shattered if I decide to work on it with him (which he wants to do but I am in NC for now to sort myself out more) but they will eventually get over it if they see I am happy... which is all I want.

 

Do you think you have enough in you to be happy with her, and work it out? Do you trust her and your relationship? As you said, she is hard work, do you think it will take too much out of you to work it out?

These are all questons I have to answer myself!

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I feel for you sparrow, it's a tough call, as I also feel resentment, but If I turn down this offer of reconciliation, will i end up regretting it, and will i start pursuing it again.

 

I think it would be tough at first, as I hate all the drama and especially people talking about me.

I suppose everybody has their relationship problems, and maybe I see other people's relationships with rose tinted glasses.

 

Ours had its problems, and I know she would be unwilling to change, as its her personality,

but I fear she may not fit in with my frineds and family, I've been having such a great time with them recently, I may end having to choose between her and them..

 

I've tried to communicate this to her, but I also feel sorry for her as well, as my family are polite to her, but they don't treat her like one of us, as she is completely different personality wise to most of my family, and many of my friends.

 

My family and friends are extremely important to me, but I'm the one on my own at night.

 

I do trust her, but I'm scared we will fall back into the old pattern, and we may end up neglecting each other again, due to our likes and dislikes.

 

My real problem lies in, that I begged and pleaded (totally disrespected myself) for so long, to be given another chance now, and to not take it, in fear on how others react or what people will say, seems totally absurd.

 

It feels so weird, I just got to the point where I was happy without the stresses of worrying about dating, and doing whatever i wanted whennever i wanted, I was going out and having fun,

I now feel like I have an important decision to make.

 

I'm really worried I fell for the 'You want what you can't have'. Now i've got a chance i'm apprehensive. If I don't take it will I start getting the same feelings again.

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In reading your post I think People Pleasing popped out at me before I even read that you wrote it yourself. You recognize that you are a people pleaser yet, at the same time, you still couch your decisions in how they affect others... not yourself. Re read your post and see if you can catch yourself. Let me know how *you* feel about it.

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You're right ultimately it is how i feel.

 

My worry is it took so long to get over her, and get back on my feet, along the way i started forgetting the good stuff and started focusing on the negative. Now that's all i can think of.

 

I was completely stranded when she left, and I felt completely lonely, and i hated it.

I'd finally go to the pointwhere i was quite happy being on my own, and could see whoever i liked.

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