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Girlfriend cheated... need advice


Mustachio

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How to leave an abusive relationshi...
How to leave an abusive relationship and why it's so hard

Im sure there are about a million of these threads already... so sorry to start a new one, I just wanted to get my situation out and get some impartial advice as I have been having a hard time talking with my friends and family (who all pretty much say the same thing).

 

First off, some background information, I have been with my girlfriend for 6 years now, she is my first serious girlfriend and also the first and only person I have really been physical with. The same is not true for her. At the beginning of our relationship she had an affair with another guy for a few months, and fooled around with others. I was insecure at the time and made the decision to stay with her (im sure for the wrong reasons at the time) because I thought I loved her. Anyways, after a few years of a pretty bad relationship and my own depression, we worked it back up into a good relationship and redeveloped pretty much all of our love and feelings for each other. Recently, while things have been going well for the most part, there have been some issues, namely she was at a different place in her life than I was and I was not quite ready to move forward with the relationship as she was. Combined with new jobs and school finishing for her and starting back up for me, our time was limited, but we seemed to be working through those issues to the best of our ability.

 

Anyways, a few weeks ago, my best friend finally broke down and told me that something had happened between the two of them. Not quite sex, but close enough, and in my mind cheating is cheating. So I confronted my girlfriend and she broke down and told me what happened. I told her then that she needed to be completely honest with me and tell me everything. She didnt at first, but a couple days later fessed up and told me more of the story (mostly just the circumstances), and also at the same time, since I told her to tell me everything, when she told me that she had kissed my other best friend close to a year ago. Now the circumstances of both of these were that she was drunk and as she tells it both of them initiated it the one time it happened with each of them. I am not saying that its an excuse or anything, but I think its important to note that she was drunk and it only happened once... well once with each of them.

 

I have continued talking to her and seeing her since then, with a lot of conditions on what I want and need if there is any chance for our relationship to continue and she has so far been catering to my every desire and need.

 

I am hung up though on what really to do in this situation. She says she loves me deeply and that I am the most important person in the world to her, but when each of those happened, somehow even though the thought of me entered her mind, she claims that she had no thoughts of any of the consequences. Now neither one of us are in the best of shape and she has her own issues that I wont go into here, but the only "reason" she could give me (other than an initial attraction which i wont blame her for) was that when a move was made on her, she felt it was an ego boost to her, a feeling that she handnt felt in a while and then acted and continued with it.

 

So basically, while for the time being, I chose to stay with her because in my mind right now I do have love her for her, and I really dont want to lose 6 years of what has mostly been a very good relationship over a mistake, and at the moment staying with her seems better than the alternative. However, I am struggling a lot with my own feelings, trying to determine what feelings are left, what has been lost, and what can be retrieved or salvaged and whether there will ever be a sense of "fairness" for me if I move forward in this relationship.

 

There are plenty more small details that I have left out simply because I didnt want this post to be 30 pages long, but I am hoping that anyone who has read through this will not give me the simple "throw her to the curb" answer. Any thoughts are appreciated and I would be happy to answer most followup questions that you might have if itll help with a response. Thanks!

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Being drunk is rarely an excuse for cheating unless you are intoxicated to the point where youre ill mentally and physically. Most people who have drank moderately only end up doing what they are prone to do and what they truly desire at heart without really thinking about consequences. Drinking just gives them more courage to do it. Sure your gf would not have cheated on you if she was sober because she would be afraid to do it morally and for other reasons but it still implies that she has a tendency to admire and wish for being with other men while with you, all the alcohol did was give her the strength to act on her deep natural desires. Too many people these days use drinking as an excuse for their stupid behavior and its sickening.

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She is a serial cheater...and makes lame excuses for why she does it. She is also cheating with your friends. If you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman be prepared for a lifetime of her cheating on you from time to time.

 

 

Yeah I was going to say the same thing. As I was reading that, and listening to him say 'mostly good relationship' I was thinking 'mostly with a serial cheater'

 

Dude she had an affair/cheated on you early on... you worked through it and then she fooled around with your best friend!!! how f...'ed up is that? And another one of your friends to put the icing on the cake!

 

Then, she didnt even have the nerve to tell you. Your friend (whos not really your friend) had to tell you. And then, she wasnt even completely honest with you when she did tell you what happened. God only knows what else shes done behind your back when things were rocky, or not that great between you.

 

You dont want to hear kick her to the curb... fine. Tell her to take a hike instead.

 

As long as you dont mind spending the rest of your life with someone who shows a pattern of cheating ON YOU then keep her around. I think its high time for you to man up, and realize that there are other women in this world who will treat you much BETTER than this. You have spent 6 years with her and are not willing to throw that away. Too bad she didnt have the same concerns when it came to cheating on you. I think right now you are in 'afraid to be alone' mode. This is your first gf, and I think your fear of losing her is clouding the reality of who you are really with.

 

Just my opinion... good luck whatever way you go bro.

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Do you trust her?

 

I wouldnt say completely no at the moment, however, most of the trust i have had for her and most of what i built up after the first time are gone, however for some reason there is still a small part of me that does trust her... in some way shape or form for whatever thats worth.

 

I agree with a lot of what you guys have said, however, I dont agree that she is making lame excuses... and she even knows that there are no excuses. The fact is, she didnt think about the consequences and went ahead and did something hurtful with a friend at that moment simply for the enjoyment of being in the moment. I dont necessarily think she is a bad person and I may be naive, but I dont think she is a serial cheater... but I could be wrong even though I am basing that on what I know of her, and the little bit of trust I have left that is telling me that she has told me everything.

 

Rabican, Im sure you are right at least on some level about the "afriad to be alone mode" because I know I have some of that, and I know thats a big reason I stayed with way back when the first time around this stuff happened. However, on the same token, I dont think my fear of being alone is clouding my judgement of who she is, because I know that there was plenty of things that I dont want to lose and I am at the point of trying to work through my feelings and whether or not a future with her is even possible.

 

Believe me, there is part of me that wants to dump her and never talk to her again but its very difficult. Right now staying with her seems like at least in the short term the best thing to do for myself, but I am struggling with how that will work in the long term.

 

Thanks for the responses so far, would definitely be interested in hearing more.

 

edit: and casey, I know, I have said all the same things to her, and she knows its not an excuse. In fact we both knew that she was attracted to my friend, and I do know that alcohol doesnt make you do things you wouldnt want to do, it just lowers your inhibitions. She knows its not an excuse and I know its not either... it was just the situation and thats the way things happened, for whatever its worth.

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Crazyaboutdogs said it best, she is a serial cheater. Serial cheaters generally don't quit unless there is incredibly strong reasons for them to quit. And once started on one partner, its rare that if they do quit, it will be with that partner. If they do, they likely need the strong impact of losing a partner in order to learn from their mistakes.

 

Given that you seem to return to her after cheating, she has essentially no obligation to quit. As much as she feels bad about it, and in all likelihood genuinely does feel bad, she lacks the self control and motivation to repair her flaws.

 

There's not much you can do at this point beyond removing yourself from her life and repairing your own post-breakup.

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Mustachio

I commend your strength in this relationship. It is really great that you are able to survive hardship in a relationship. That will make you a great partner some day.

 

You have seen how SHE reacts, however, to any kind of hardship. She cheated on you early on and then followed it up with kissing your best friends ..

 

I can tell you firsthand that infidelity CAN be overcome. My boyfriend cheated on me too. So I know how it feels. I also know what to look for to take someone seriously, as in, when you know you can forgive them safely. In this case, though, I honestly don't think from your post that she has changed at all, or has any real remorse. She sounds pretty selfish. Which is exactly how my bf was when he cheated on me.

 

I know it's hard for you, but I honestly think you should break up with her and find the strength to move on. Breaking up is not easy but neither is living with someone so thoroughly selfish for the rest of your life.

 

I don't often recommend breaking up but I feel that it's appropriate in this case.

 

Best of luck to you.

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As far as the drinking goes, that's no excuse.

Not to mention, if that happened once before when she was drinking, she should have learned her lesson (Don't drink alone with guys)

 

I understand that you love her and don't want to give up on her.

 

But can you trust her ?

 

The fact is you cannot monitor her 24/7, even if you wanted to.

 

For now, put the past in the past and look to the future.

Let's say you got married-

 

What if you had to go on a business trip ?

 

What about when you have kids and you take them out without her ?

 

What if she had a company party to attend with alcohol ?

 

What if she went to a gf's party that had alcohol ?

 

How about after you two have a fight ? Or go through a rough patch (which will happen)

 

Are you going to be able to trust her in all of the above circumstances ?

 

Much as you love her, you need to take a close look at the facts. The facts being that she has cheated on you numerous times. Is this behavior she can change ? Or is she merely going to repeat this cycle ?

 

If you want to try to make things work, you need to seek out a counselor to find out WHY this is happening. Whether it is something unresolved in her that she's not addressing, or something in your relationship that she doesn't find fulfilling.

 

Here's the key- SHE must want to change. But based on her past reoccurrences, it doesn't sound like she's going to.

 

You have a lot to reflect on before making a decision.

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I feel for you in this difficult decision.

 

I commend you for not letting your intial emotions take the best of you. It is far to easy for most to simply get up and walk out quickly. 6 years is a lot of time. Take away these indescretions and I am sure you had a lot of happy and enjoyable times together. I would imagine you don't use the word "Love" lightly when expressing how you feel/felt about her.

 

You have every right to question her sincerity. You have every right to be disappointed and angry.

 

You have to ask yourself, simply. Are you better off with her, or without her? Does she provide more positive energy in your life, or negative energy? Is this someone who you are ready to committ to and raise a family together? Do you even think of that as a possibility?

 

Tread cautiously and lightly with this one. I certainly don't blame you for wanting to work things out. And I certainly wouldn't blame you for leaving. I am NOT convinced the relationship she offers you is one filled with promises of a painless relationship from this point forward. Only you truly know who she is and what she is capable of overcoming. And I agree with the post above, she has to truly WANT to CHANGE!

 

Her insecurity doesn't justify amplifying yours. Insecurity is a tough emotion to overcome. Why would the one you love the most, make you feel the worst about yourself?

 

And cut these "friends" of yours off too. If you are willing and ready to walk away from her, they should be the first ones gone. You really don't need friends like these. They have absolutely no interest in changing and a repeat of dishonesty in your life is probably greater with them.

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Thanks again for all the replies... let me just say that what I write isnt trying to convince any of you or even myself of reasons to stay with her... just the thoughts that have been going through my head and developments that have come out since I found out.

 

First off. I dont really wanna talk about my friends, they are really my two closest friends and have been for many years. They both made big mistakes once, and both of them either stopped it after it started or tried to stop it. I am pissed off at them, but I am not going to throw away my friendship with either of them... it may take some time to make things right there, but I am faulting them less. And without making excuses either, they were both drunk too, so I know that neither one of them went into the situations with intentions of anything happening.

 

Back to my girlfriend... some of the reasons why I am considering staying with her is because I think she made a mistake, followed by another mistake. I do believe her when she tells me that she was not going into either situation to do that.

 

The first time, well that was bad, she drank, and she just kinda gets like that when she drinks (again, not making excuses, just facts) and one thing led to another and she ended up kissing my friend which he then stopped. She claims she didnt tell me then because she realized it was a mistake and in her head vowed to change.... obviously didnt completely happen probably because she never told me.

 

The second, and more recent time was with my other friend. Someone had said that if she truly wanted to change she would have. I agree, but the situation here is a bit off considering I was there with her and another friend. It just so happened that after the two of them had been drinking myself and my other friend went out to get some food. Again, neither of them intended to and i didnt think anything of it because they were both pretty much passed out at that point. However, she found a bed upstairs, which happened to be a second bed in his room, then later went downstairs and woke him up to see if he would rather sleep in a bed (not with her) instead of on the floor. She proceeded to do her usual nightime ritual (ie, sleeps in her underwear) and one thing led to another, which I really dont want to get into and relive over again here.

 

The second time though I am a little more put off that I had to find out from my friend and not from her... but since I did, I talked a lot with her about how I felt, how she made me feel as well as things that I could think of that would absolutely have to change in order for our relationship to move forward. I even told her specifically again that if we move forward the relationship at least for a while is 100% about my needs. She agreed and so far has been doing pretty much everything I asked and seems to truly be making an attempt to put me first. Back to drinking, she has even sworn that she will never drink again, and I had to test her so I drank right in front her and she didnt even take a sip. And I do want to say that I truly believe these last few times were much different than what happened way back because I know she is a different person now and the situations themselves were a lot different.

 

So even though it seems like she is willing to change, I am not quite sure if she is ready or even aware of some of the changes she needs to make on a deeper level, and thats where I am worried that I might get hurt again. Not to mention the fact that my trust and my belief in what she says is at an all time low. So, I am just having a very difficult time deciding what to do.

 

As I have already said, I am still not sure what to do, but I do appreciate all the input everyone is giving.

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You seem kind of determined to be with her regardless.

 

Good luck to you either way.

 

I sort of am... and as of right now that is the decision I have made. However, I am so very unsure of my decision and having an even more difficult time deciding whether or not that is really whats best. So I am coming on here to try and get some opinions one way or the other, to either see if I sound like a complete fool for going forward or whether or not my decision may be the right one. Just trying to get different perspectives. So while right now I may seem determined, and I am probably am for reasons that have already been mentioned, I am so very unsure that I do not know if I have made a good or bad decision, or whether it is the right decision.

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If you make up your mind, then do it 100%. You can't give a half effort into forgiveness. At that point it isn't fair to her. You either decide that you are going to work on this relationship or you don't. Don't allow yourself a grey area.

 

Secondly, don't allow her to cater 100% to your needs. You need to give as well in this effort. Becoming selfish and centering everything on you, disrupts balance in the relationship.

 

I commend you for making a decision to work on this relationship. Not necessarily a popular decision. But again, do it 100%. Dont give half effort and then be surprised at half results.

 

Good luck.

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If you make up your mind, then do it 100%. You can't give a half effort into forgiveness. At that point it isn't fair to her. You either decide that you are going to work on this relationship or you don't. Don't allow yourself a grey area.

 

Secondly, don't allow her to cater 100% to your needs. You need to give as well in this effort. Becoming selfish and centering everything on you, disrupts balance in the relationship.

 

I commend you for making a decision to work on this relationship. Not necessarily a popular decision. But again, do it 100%. Dont give half effort and then be surprised at half results.

 

Good luck.

 

^This.

 

My opinion of the situation?

First act of infidelity--

Reason: Drunk

Second act of infidelity--

Reason: Drunk

Third act of infidelity--

Reason: Drunk

 

See the pattern?

I agree with another poster: this is a lame excuse. You can believe what you want, and convince yourself that it was a mistake (three mistakes, technically), but it's still a lame excuse. I'm a light-weight-- meaning, I have two drinks, and I'm already pretty toasty. Three drinks and you better help me to the car. You think I surround myself with nothing but uggos? Of course not. There are guys I've found attractive, but that didn't mean I tossed my morals or sense of decency out the window just because I happened to have alcohol in my system. Alcohol does not give me the excuse to disregard the respect my relationship deserves.

 

Do what you want. Our advice will mean nothing in the end, in my opinion. As Kalika pointed out, you've already made up your mind. You're just trying to get us to agree with you in order to assuage your doubts. From what I've read so far, you've dialed the wrong number on that one.

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I sort of am... and as of right now that is the decision I have made. However, I am so very unsure of my decision and having an even more difficult time deciding whether or not that is really whats best. So I am coming on here to try and get some opinions one way or the other, to either see if I sound like a complete fool for going forward or whether or not my decision may be the right one. Just trying to get different perspectives. So while right now I may seem determined, and I am probably am for reasons that have already been mentioned, I am so very unsure that I do not know if I have made a good or bad decision, or whether it is the right decision.

 

If you decide to stay with her you need to lay down the law. First off I wouldnt let her know that I was already decided on staying with her. Id tell her you think you are better off without her, or that at the very least you are having a hard time considering giving her another shot. From there, things need to change. She cant be out drinking with your guy friends, or her guy friends. She needs to keep herself OUT of situations where the situation can get the better of her. For example, if she, and her girlfriends want to go hang out alone with John, the guy next door... Id have to say no to that. She shouldnt be drinking, or putting herself behind locked doors with any guy... ever if shes in a relationship.

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From there, things need to change. She cant be out drinking with your guy friends, or her guy friends. She needs to keep herself OUT of situations where the situation can get the better of her. For example, if she, and her girlfriends want to go hang out alone with John, the guy next door... Id have to say no to that. She shouldnt be drinking, or putting herself behind locked doors with any guy... ever if shes in a relationship.

 

^^^ Completely agree ! If you know a particular situation is a problem for you, then don't put yourself in that situation. And sorry, but if you continue to do that, then you obviously don't care very much or see it as a problem.

 

If you want to stay with her, please get some counseling. She needs to find out why she has done this repeatedly. Lots of people drink with the opposite sex, and don't cheat on their SO's.

 

IMHO, she is only going to repeat the cycle. If she hasn't tried to change her ways after repeatedly cheating, I don't think she will.

I mean, she keeps cheating and you keep taking her back. Why should she stop if she knows she can do anything she wants and still keep you ?

 

Stay with her if you want to, but I think you are just going to keep getting your heart broken again and again.

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First off, some background information, I have been with my girlfriend for 6 years now, she is my first serious girlfriend and also the first and only person I have really been physical with.

 

Only you can tell for sure, but if you stay with her, you may look back one day and kick yourself for letting this opportunity to get free and experience being with other women pass by. Personally, I sure as hell wouldn't let my only sexual experience be with someone like this for long.

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I was in a similiar boat as yourself. My now ex-girlfriend who I was with 10 years cheated on me with multiple guys for at least a year before I found out. We also have a 9 year old daughter together. I was crushed when I first found out. Then commenced the most miserable 6 months of my life. I loved her and wanted to make it work for our daughter's sake but alias, some things cannot be fixed. Like the old saying, the devil is in the details. The most telling fact is that she tried to get away with it. Just like my ex. She only cried and went into how much she loved me when faced with undeniable truth. We went to counceling, did the self-help books, and tried to rekindle the flames. But in the end, nothing worked. Just a mental image of her and another man sexually together killed any feelings of tenderness and love. Once trust has been damaged/destroyed, repair is next to impossible. Being able to trust that person again will be the hardest thing in your life, bar none. I think you're lacking in self-respect and self-worth. Willing to settle for what she gives you. You say because of love you want to stay with her. You have to love yourself before you can love others. I think your actions are governed by fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of being lonely, and fear of thinking you'll never find someone better. It's all about how much you think you deserve and what you are willing to take. As for myself, I have a new woman and we have been together now a year and a half. I love her very much and know she loves me. That's what you deserve.

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Bitter Stick: Congratulations! You are well on your way to earning the title of Cuckold! Your just one marriage away!

 

Cynic Stick version 1: If the sex is good you can keep her around to find out which friends you can actually trust!

 

Cynic Stick version 2: After you kick her to the curb you can use your current friends to see if you can trust your new girlfriend! I am sure they will be more than happy to oblige!

 

Selfish Stick: For every indiscretion, you get a 'get out of jail free card' for any playing around you decide to do.

 

Proud Stick version 1: She, and your friends, disrespected you. Act accordingly.

 

Proud Stick version 2: Obviously you are so much better than the other guys that she cannot stay away! Lord it over your buddies and ignore their s * * * * * * ing behind your back.

 

Now for Serious Stick: Honestly, the only way it might work out is if she cuts out the alcohol and keeps out of situations where she is alone with guys. And as far as your friends go, let me give you some perspective here: My best friend of the past 15 years is married to (IMHO) the best woman in the world. This woman stars in my deepest and most intimate fantasies, and even at her worst I feel more for her than I do for the most beautiful women in the world. I have NEVER let her know, but I have let my best friend know about my feelings (and that I still feel that way). If I have any say in the matter she will never know. I love her, her husband (I wish he was actually my brother), and their son too much to do anything to disrupt their relationship. At my most drunk I have told her she is attractive, and to never worry about her husband straying. I have only given her hugs when her husband is present, and kept it 'brotherly'. If she ever got drunk and tried anything with me I would probably call her husband over, go home immediately with the biggest woody of my life, and proceed to cry like my parents had just died. Tell me: why is your self worth so low that you could give a couple guys who have acted as they have the title of 'best friend'?

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  • 7 months later...

Thought I might reopen this thread and give an update on the story here.

 

After all this went down, I decided to stay with her. I still had feelings for her and I wanted to believe that the things she told me were true. I wanted to believe that it would never happen again and that she would work on making everything better.

 

As it turned out, I withdrew from her a bit simply because of the pain of what she had done. She in turn really did absolutely nothing to make the situation better. She still did the small little gestures here and there, but mainly just wanted me there with her, and when I couldnt be there all the time either because of work, or my own life, or the pain, she basically just withdrew. We argued and fought a lot about it until in about June, we broke up.

 

I dont remember if it was her or me who broke up with the other, but the fact is, it didnt last very long, we got back together, broke up again, went back and forth a few times, with each person usually breaking up with the other, then realizing a couple days later that it was a mistake. Unfortunately at that point, neither one of us was either willing or able to really take charge of our own mistakes and work on fixing them. She wouldnt work on fixing her issues for me because I was not fixing mine for her. I wouldnt fix mine for her because she hurt me really badly.

 

During one of those breakups, her sister had talked to her about moving on, and she ended up making a link removed profile. A guy had contacted her, and she had been talking to him on and off. Finally, I had decided at one point that I needed a break from this for a little to really think things through. She called and begged me to come down to her, saying she needed me, but I was busy, and I had plans and told her I would see her tomorrow after she ended calling repeatedly and would not let it go. When I did not come down, her feeling needy and lonely ended up calling the guy she met on link removed and the two of them spent the evening together. At that point She started seeing this guy. I unfortunately started to come around, realizing that this may be the end and I may lose her and started to fight for her. I started doing a lot of the smaller things for her that she wanted and really started to put effort into the bigger things. We even slept together at least once or twice at that point, which i guess she wasnt officially seeing this other guy yet, but in a way, she was sort of then cheating on both of us. Finally after that went on for a week or two, she told me she was through with me and was moving on and was going to be with him. I broke down and it was awful. Then of course, I got a call a few days later from her saying she had made a huge mistake and realized that she really did love me and wanted to be with me.

 

So I rushed down there immediately and we got back together. Things were ok at first, I was still doing the things I said, but she was still sort of going with the flow of it. One of the things I told her I would do, and this was a failing of mine before, is schedule a trip and actually follow through with it. So of course, that was one of the first things I went and did.

 

Maybe a month after we got back together she met a guy at work, and they instantly hit it off as friends. This of course bothered me and I let her know so often. We started arguing, but the situation was just that I had other responsibities that prevented me from being there, and she then used that as an opportunity to spend as much time with this new guy as possible. We would then argue about how there was trust issues, I didnt trust the new guy, and I didnt really trust her either because every time she was in a similar situation, she hurt me. So we argued and she would say things like "I'm not interested in him like that" and "He is just a friend, I havent had any real friends in 6 years, and I want to take advantage of the situation" and when I brought up the whole issue of trusting her, she would tell me "The only way you are ever going to be able to trust me in this situation is if I go into this situation and dont do anything, which I wont". So, like a fool, I apologized to her, and said I was supportive of her having friends as long as she doesnt do anything to hurt me.

 

In the interim, other issues started popping up, she had withdrawn from me a little bit and wasnt as close to me or open with me as she was before. She was never in the mood for sex, and was just generally closed off. She claimed it was just a phase she was going through, but that obviously created a problem for me, and more issues popped up.

 

Finally, labor day weekend, we had our trip planned, going to stay at a nice luxury cabin in the mountains overlooking the Shenandoah valley. We had been there once before and it was one of the most amazing weekends we have ever had together. After the stressful year and the new issues that started cropping up, I was really looking forward to this vacation. So we get down there, and the weekend starts the same way the last week or two had been going. She was very distant emotionally, and I was still focused on some of the issues, which of course created problems. We didnt have sex the first night which bothered me, especially now that we were supposed to be on a nice romantic vacation. The second day came, and more of the same, so finally at night when she was still distant and didnt want to have sex again, I started an argument. Every time we argued down there she basically would say something along the lines of "Lets just try and have a nice weekend". So finally after that argument escalated she told me that she didnt think she was in love with me anymore and that she thought we should break up. So of course that created more arguing, and as i kept pushing the subject she finally came back and said that she was just having doubts about going forward with our relationship and she needed some time to think. I kept bringing up the fact that it had something to do with this guy and she just kept denying and denying that it had anything to do with him, except maybe for the fact that they shared so much in common she wasnt sure she wanted to be with me, someone who we dont share a huge amount in common with, anymore. And just the kind of person he was got her thinking about us. Still denying the fact that it was about him in the way I thought it was. I accepted that fact because I said that if she was interested she probably would have hooked up with him already anyways, which she said she hadnt.

 

For some reason, probably to try and hold on to what little of the weekend we had left, she asked me if I wanted to stay or go home, and I said I wanted to stay. I had already paid a large amount of money for the cabin for the weekend, and at that point I didnt want things to just end. So we stayed. There was of course more arguing and fighting, but in the times that we werent arguing, things actually seemed to be more like I had hoped they would be. We went out and did more things, we were closer to each other, and we had some amazing sex for the next two days.

 

So then we came back, with me still mostly believe that she really just wanted a little time to think things over. I called her basically every day for the first week, because I would always think of something new I wanted to say and how I wanted to keep fighting for this. She was basically with that same guy every day, as far as I knew still just good friends (how naive) and she always told me dont come out here today, we will see. So that continued for the week, until finally Sunday of the next weekend came, and I just had this very strong urge to see her. Again she was with the guy, but I told her that I just needed some time, and if she could please make some space to see me.

 

So she did. I went down there that Sunday, 11 days ago. I had a few things to say which, now looking back really dont matter whatsoever. And she basically came out and told me that she just wasnt in love with me anymore, and that she loves this new guy. She then proceeded to tell me that yes, in fact they had hooked up, I think she said just kissed, but in my mind that is still cheating. So she lied again, cheated again and has now dumped me to be with this other guy.

 

I called her last Wednesday, and when she picked up I realized I had nothing to say and she obviously wouldnt say what I wanted her to. So that was that, she said she would call me at some point.

 

So here am I again, devastated, and even though she really did some screwed up stuff I feel like I am partly to blame for the way I feel, rushing back into this after all the pain and blinding myself to her true nature. Its been 8 days since I have talked to her now, and it is the longest I have gone without speaking to her or having any contact from her. I feel terrible. I almost wish I had listened to all of you and gotten out back in February, at least right now I would be healing. At the very least I wish I had gotten out when I wasnt into it, because unfortunately I put everything back into it and just got stomped on again.

 

I know the best thing now is to cut all contact completely and even if she calls, dont pick up, dont respond, etc. My feelings of love and loss are just so completely overwhelming right now.... ugh

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