ramsickle1369 Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 I am wondering… what does it mean when a guy you have a sexual relationship now refuses intercourse? He begs for BJ’s but refuses to return the favor. It’s become annoying and turned a great thing into something cheap and unfulfilling. I finally told him that I wasn’t doing it any more if he can’t return the favor. I am left quite confused because he USED to be very much about giving to me—wanting to please me. We used to have sex all night long. He seems convinced that intercourse causes issues but that BJ’s doesn’t. It seems to be his own anxieties. I don’t understand. Can anyone enlighten me? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Are you sure he is not seeing someone else and thereforee has the Bill Clinton notion that a blowjob does not equal sex and cheating? Link to comment
JadedStar Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Are you sure he is not seeing someone else and thereforee has the Bill Clinton notion that a blowjob does not equal sex and cheating? The Bill Clinton approach is what came to my mind as well. He thinks bj's are not really sex, thus relieves his guilt. Hopefully you will end this. Unfortunately when you have a 'booty call' type of friendship it is normally not one that is based on a lot of respect for each other and usually very one sided as in each participant is about getting his and her needs met. That is how he can easily shift the dynamic so easily. Link to comment
dragon lady Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Are you sure he is not seeing someone else and thereforee has the Bill Clinton notion that a blowjob does not equal sex and cheating? I was thinking the same thing. I've met quite a few guys like this. They also think that if they don't touch the other person, then it's not cheating either. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 The Bill Clinton approach is what came to my mind as well. He thinks bj's are not really sex, thus relieves his guilt. Hopefully you will end this. Unfortunately when you have a 'booty call' type of friendship it is normally not one that is based on a lot of respect for each other and usually very one sided as in each participant is about getting his and her needs met. That is how he can easily shift the dynamic so easily. Yes, I agree. In booty calls the priority is gratification for self...and that may mean pleasing the other person in order to continue with the setup. In booty calls pleasing the other person is only a means to an end..it is not done out of warmth and a sincere gesture to provide pleasure to the other person. The other person is viewed as a body not as a person so there is really no desire to please the other person...it is all about taking, not about the giving. For whatever reason he decided to nix the giving part and just focus on taking. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 I don't think you have much leverage to complain because I agree that the basis of this relationship is sexual gratification of himself (or yourself). My guess is he is having intercourse with someone else or met someone he would like to make love to and wants to abstain because he thinks intercourse is riskier as far as STDs and as far as being able to tell the other woman that he has not had full sex with anyone else for a period of time. Link to comment
ramsickle1369 Posted February 16, 2009 Author Share Posted February 16, 2009 LOL, I call him Bill Clinton! He does seem to think that BJ is not sex. Go figure. It certainly isn't what it used to be... back when it was the all night Eff fest. It was incredible sex and totally uninhibited. I have ended it becuase I am not getting anything from it other than negative feelings and I don't like that. He is a CP as well. I don't have a clue if he's with others, I assume so knowing his sex drive, but he swears he isn't--and we all know how people can lie. And I'm not a believer that a BJ is less risky for an STD. Maybe less risky for him... but not for me!! Especially if he's $crewing another. Like I said--it's over. Such a shame. Thanks for the input. Link to comment
cristal Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Yes, I agree. In booty calls the priority is gratification for self...and that may mean pleasing the other person in order to continue with the setup. In booty calls pleasing the other person is only a means to an end..it is not done out of warmth and a sincere gesture to provide pleasure to the other person. The other person is viewed as a body not as a person so there is really no desire to please the other person...it is all about taking, not about the giving. For whatever reason he decided to nix the giving part and just focus on taking. I totally agree with this analysis, since I was on the receiving end of this. Link to comment
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