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Helping others why do you?


top bloke
Quotes about Helping Others
Quotes about Helping Others

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I have been here for a little while and its been very good. So many insights to learn. Personally I have found that here I can do some good for others by offerring my insights as well. It is not always so easy and yet watching confused or sad people start to shine from the good we all do here is just so uplifting. In saying that we are also faced with those who want to derail us as we reach out to help. These individuals i just ignore and brush aside. I am strong.

In the bigger picture of things I feel glad to be here and amazed this website exists. It is a blessing.

Some times I see people who get disheartened never to return..I want to say that sometimes helping is not for brownie points or a return of reward. For me it is an unselfish act that I do not really matter ..but what does matter is that someone somewhere will have moved forward...maybe they have a smile when before they were sad from my posts? I dont know? But I believe its true.

.I hope you stay helpers i hope you know that if you need anything that you are not alone and feel free to pm me. I know it can get frustrating when you dont get feedback but rest assured some troubled soul somewhere in internet land will read it..someone will be better for it.

I have been recently been criticised on some of my points of view and so do we all. My advice is that if you know you are true,pure of heart in your words and they are for good purpose then stick to your guns..the world needs truth ,understanding,love,respect and a little insight. So dont give up..lets make this world a better place and realise that we will face criticism,challenges and opinions of different moral values...

For me personally I dont give up easilly...stay with me so we can make a difference.

I am interested in what draws you to help? How do you feel about helping? Your challenges that you find and how you overcome them?

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I really like your post Top Bloke, and I agree with Blue After Glow.

 

I also think that sharing advice is like completing the circle on your own problems.. If you've had an issue in the past, you get a kind of absolution from trying to help other people through similar things.

 

I love talking to people who understand; everyone here (with a few exceptions) is here to give advice and ask for it, and you don't feel like anyone's getting impatient or judging you, like they might if it was just friends and family at home.

 

I've noticed a few really negative people recently, and it's a bit disheartening on a site that is fundamentally about support, but on the whole people here are insightful, interesting and above all want to help.

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Since you started this thread, I feel compelled to tell you that I admire anyone, including yourself, who is willing to stand up for whatever they view as their evils in this world. I will usually engage and debate someone I feel has maligned a group of people without looking at the entire picture, but I have endless respect for people who are compelled to help others for the sake of goodness, and you're certainly among those people.

 

What draws me here is many fold. Understanding, compassion, empathy, interest, debate, and for quite some time now, the people I've met while posting here. And, just like you, I take on a lot of criticism because, just like you, I don't always offer cookie cutter responses, and I'm not afraid to say things that I know won't be popular.

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Personally i have found that the best way to with negative people is to not take the burden of their rude behaviour into my heart or make it personal. It seems like this gives me a non emtional detached and clearer view of the situation. I can deal with the real problem better.

I also have seen sooo much that i have a good understanding of many things too. I can help make a difference and i care

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I do it for the money (I'm still waiting for my check!)

 

Seriously, there are a few reasons. I first found eNA when I was looking for info to send to a buddy of mine who was going through a divorce and, having never been through one, need to try to give him some useful advice rather than, "Hang in there. It will get better."

 

There are many different expierences that we can share with those looking for help. To see someone take my advice and run with it, the "I think I'll try that"-type of response is very self-fulfilling. They only thing that I think which would make it better is if people would more often give an update to their situation, and whether or not the advice helped.

 

Also, I do it just for the sake of helping others...not necessarily for recognition or money (obviously!), but for just the fact that I am tryong to do good.

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I genuinely believe that people can change, if they only want to, but usually it is very hard to accomplish if by yourself. Since it's always easier to see 'where others go wrong' than realizing your own mistakes, I like the idea of trying to help others in order to help yourself: I would feel fake and dishonest if I give advice to someone, if I wouldn't ask for the same honesty and change in behavior for myself.

 

What I realized by posting on ENA:

- it feels good to help someone just for the sake of helping ("pay it forward")

- in some cases, when someone seems to be stubborn: the more people give the same advice, the more likely that altogether we can get through to someone

- sometimes it's easier to help a total stranger than a close friend, because you feel more free to be totally honest, since sometimes the truth hurts, but it has to be told in order to induce a change

- reading how other people's mind works helps me to understand mine and the minds of the people around me

- i'm learning strategies how to handle different situations for myself and my friends

- i'm learning to be more patient if my friends do the same thing over and over again

- it helps to put your own thoughts/ emotions into perspective realizing that your own situation is NOT as unique as you thought

- it helps me to improve my skills at work

- ...

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i'm going to be honest. 80-90% of the time its to be right.

And when i am right and the poster realises it then i get the most gratification from knowing that i in some way just proved that i was smarter than anyone else posting in the thread and at the same time i somehow manipulated someones view of the world and as a result probably changed their life....

 

for the better of course.

 

 

i'll give you 10 seconds to decide whether i am joking or not.

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i'm going to be honest. 80-90% of the time its to be right.

And when i am right and the poster realises it then i get the most gratification from knowing that i in some way just proved that i was smarter than anyone else posting in the thread and at the same time i somehow manipulated someones view of the world and as a result probably changed their life....

 

for the better of course.

 

 

i'll give you 10 seconds to decide whether i am joking or not.

 

I know that you're not joking, and I love you for having balls big enough to post this, to not be a henchman, to be truly self-reflective, and to not hide behind the "I'm just a fantastic, super * * * * * in' person!" facade.

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Since you started this thread, I feel compelled to tell you that I admire anyone, including yourself, who is willing to stand up for whatever they view as their evils in this world. I will usually engage and debate someone I feel has maligned a group of people without looking at the entire picture, but I have endless respect for people who are compelled to help others for the sake of goodness, and you're certainly among those people.

 

What draws me here is many fold. Understanding, compassion, empathy, interest, debate, and for quite some time now, the people I've met while posting here. And, just like you, I take on a lot of criticism because, just like you, I don't always offer cookie cutter responses, and I'm not afraid to say things that I know won't be popular.

 

 

I totally agree with all of the above. And i personally don't find opposing views to be negative. They are absolutely necessary to learn, grow and have a successful debate. It is all in how someone views the glass, is it half empty or half full. In this type of situation it isn't half empty IMO. If someone doesn't like something I say, I prefer to believe they are criticizing the belief, not me personally since they never met me, and I do not think my beliefs are so unmoving that they can never be challenged or are always right, but I will stay fast to them if i have not been convinced otherwise by another point that I find pretty compelling and logical.

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damn youre good jetti.

 

Quick... edit and contribute to the thread before my accolades are mercilessly deleted!!

 

And to contribute: I also come on here out of boredom, out of frustrations, and sometimes, because I just feel like telling someone what to do. Take it like a man!

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Ready to heal ..true. I find that when i have a problem that it disappears when i help others and realise my problem isnt such a big problem.

Doyathink...how nice! So nice thank you. I guess too sometimes its threads like these which bring out the awareness that we do count.

 

Equestrian dynamo..you motivation might be a bit different but if the result is for good then god bless you..

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I like to share experiences and help others where I can. In my 33 years, I think I have been through quite a lot and have experience from infidelity to FWB's to LDR'S. I tend to help those mostly, whose problems I can relate to. As in, I have been in that situation or a similar one myself...and if I havn't, then I will usually steer clear of that thread.

 

I tend to give the 'tough love' advice....but I mean no harm or don't mean to cause offence. Sometimes folks just need a wake up call, even if it's not what they want to hear. I know I prefer honesty, so I tend to give back honesty back...

 

But as well as giving advice, I have read stories and have learned a LOT about relationships here. I have my favourite posters, whose posts I make a point of reading. Those who are filled with far more knowledge and wisdom, than I could ever hope to be....lol

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i'm going to be honest. 80-90% of the time its to be right.

And when i am right and the poster realises it then i get the most gratification from knowing that i in some way just proved that i was smarter than anyone else posting in the thread and at the same time i somehow manipulated someones view of the world and as a result probably changed their life....

 

for the better of course.

 

 

i'll give you 10 seconds to decide whether i am joking or not.

 

LOL....now honesty is what I like to see.

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OP, I think your username is well-chosen, and I really do feel a warmth inside, reading your post. I'm glad other people on here feel as I do...

 

I, too, come here for the exchange of empathy, compassion and insights. It is a mutual thing, though I'd say the help I'm seeking is usually more indirect than the help I feel I can offer. I relate to what you said about having been through "sooooo much", I have a lot of experience with a vast variety of difficult and painful situations. I'm a bit of a forum omnivore, and I rather like that because it means I can relate to a lot and put on many different "help hats." I feel there is finally a place where those trials and painful ordeals of mine might actually do some good in the world. That is actually THE greatest benefit I've had here.

 

And that is a rewarding feeling that is a two-way street, in that by helping someone to a better place because I've been in as bad of a place myself, we have both benefitted. It's a symbiotic relationship, even when you appear to be the one doing the "helping." It helps me to know that I have not suffered my pains in vain, but can use them to bring illumination to someone who is stumbling in the dark, who I can help lead a bit to their own light.

 

The challenge in that is to always remain humble, and realize that you may have had an impact on them, but that it took their open-mindedness, their courage and their interest in what you had to say to make it even possible. And that they are ultimately the reason you helped -- because they LET you. Because they listened, and honored your opinion. And yes, there's no denying that I've had many, many moments of thinking, "Damn, I'm good!" on here, but it was always in a spirit of celebrating what took two, not one.

 

I come from a family of teachers, and have been one myself, so I think teaching is in my blood. There are some things that are SO hard to teach, even impossible, you've got to live it out yourself and learn. But there's something magical about telling someone else how you see it, and that helping them change their course to a better one. I think every teacher finds teaching rewarding because it gratifies their own need to be useful in the world. I don't call this manipulation...you could, I guess...to love the chance to mold someone's thoughts...but I feel the sensation of nurturing when I help people here. And I have a very, very strong urge to nurture.

 

Stepping aside and getting your own ego out of the way is the challenge in this, especially when someone no longer needs your help, but then that's more for me to grow from as well. To keep in perspective.

 

There is always someone who needs help and can use someone who won't judge them, who will listen, who will understand that things can be quite hard to change. This place is a sanctuary for those of us who encounter too many people in real life who aren't capable of this.

 

Edit: one thing I find a great challenge here (along the teacher lines) is that I feel always challenged to give better and better advice, or describe things even more effectively. You can't really teach something well unless you know it well, so knowing myself better and better the whole while is an ongoing "continuing ed" requirement here.

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LOL....now honesty is what I like to see.

Thanks for the replies all. Delish to be honest I have to ask you something? Who makes that lipstick?

 

Tired of vampires I can see alot of similarites in my mind as well. It is funny that good seems to go unnoticed and its refreshing to see these responses here..good stuff!!

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I think a lot of people gravitate to ENA in the first place because of heartbreak or pain of some sort. I did, and it's very reassuring to have access to 24 hour 'help' from people who understand. I post because I have been in that position, and don't want to be a 'taker'. Its a free site that works because everyone does their bit.

 

Part of most 'breakup' advice includes doing some sort of volunteer work, or helping people. Something selfless. Posting here allows you to do that in some small way, without getting off the couch. It helps with your own pain, if you can support someone else.

 

And over time, I continue to post if I feel I can help, even at times I feel 'sorted' in myself, because one day I might need that support again.

 

Once you form relationships with other posters, it is nice to come to ENA and just chat with similar minded people, and interact in a way that sometimes isn't possible in the real world.

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Very good sparkie . I like seeing you here too.

 

For me I was drawn because I questioned what is the good of my life ? What good am I if all I do is just work eat sleep? What good am I if I cannot step out of my comfort zone to help others in a significant way?

Well I found the answers right here...with all of you.

So having mixed it with alot of good and bad in my life I try to return my inner answers with you all so that you can find peace.

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Guys I really intended this thread as a type of refuge.. I have seen a pattern for helpers .They come with good intent and sure we do help alot of people but then to give give give we get a little out of balance sometimes. I think this s the time to be honest with ourselves that we cannot really give the best advice in this frame of mind. Perhaps it is good to talk about it here.

 

I had a discussion with someone the other day and mother terressa came up .She was trying to build an orphanage/medical facility in a third world country. It so happened that a billionaire came on the scene to offer financial support. He asked how much should he give ? She replied give until it hurts and then ..stop.

You see even saintly people get weary and need a rest.

 

However this is the first site I have seen dedicated to helping others and I feel great when people turn their lives around because of our help..so do value yourselves and do realise that despite the lack of feedback that you are doing good things and somehow ..someway we are better for it.

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Guys I really intended this thread as a type of refuge.. I have seen a pattern for helpers .They come with good intent and sure we do help alot of people but then to give give give we get a little out of balance sometimes. I think this s the time to be honest with ourselves that we cannot really give the best advice in this frame of mind. Perhaps it is good to talk about it here.

 

Sometimes I think that we should start an ENA collection of does and don't in relationship as well as guidelines in the most common scenarios (to be honest there are only a very limited number of truly different scenarios, the patterns are the same, but the symptoms might be different), because I feel I am writing the same thing again and again.

 

But I guess by answering each post individually gives the OP a sense of uniqueness and compassion for their 'unique' situation.

 

One thing I have notices though (is this going off topic?): when someone posts about a certain problem, within the same day or two a number of very similar threads pop up as if people are reading something and then think 'hey yeah, that's a good idea, I want to talk about this as well.

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