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Guys are so hard to understand


chokeonit

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So my bf of over a 1 year broke up with me through some online game. He said he thought it'd be better if we were just friends. Later, he said we just needed some time apart and we would possibly get back together again. He said he still loves me and all that stuff.

 

He's been feeling really angry and resentful lately, so I tried to get him to talk about his feelings and about our relationship. Suffice to say, he blew up on me and said there was nothing to talk about since we were just friends. Then he said the likely hood of us getting back together was not good. He's acting really cold and distant towards me too, he won't call me, respond to my emails, nothing. He's cut me off.

 

As I had mentioned, he said he still loved me, but he also says he's trying to think with his head and not his heart. I know there isn't anyone else that he's seeing. He seems so afraid to talk about us and deal with the confrontation of what's going on, that he just gets so angry and runs away. He also admitted that it was easier for him to say this, because he was able to do it behind a computer screen; had I been there in person, it would've been different possibly.

 

I had thought about going up to see him, try talking to him in person. See, a lot of bad stuff happened in our relationship and us separately while growing up. I'm doing my part to better myself by working, going to therapy, taking meds, volunteering at hospital, etc. I've tried pleading with him to go to therapy, but he says he can handle his problem on his own. I can tell that he's really depressed, probably due to our problems, the fact that he lives in his mom's basement, works at a gas station, doesn't have a car. So he plays his video game all day and complains about how discouraged he is that there's nothing to do.

 

I don't know what to do. I want to help him, but I understand that he needs to be willing to help himself, there's nothing I can do except support him.

 

I really want to go see him next month, because I feel that this is something that we really need to talk about face to face. I hate the he has full control over what we say online and whether or not he wants to listen or run away. Who he is now, isn't who he used to be, so I'm baffled that he's even acting this way.

 

Ugh, what should I do?

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unless you need him desperately as a friend, I would sever contact with him immediately. You said he broke up with you a year ago and it sounds like he's playing games. You are in therapy/taking meds etc. and you should try to move on and try to find someone good for you.

He's clearly not worth your time if he blows up on you when you try to approach him about your relationship. Find someone who has a car and move on

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No, I said we've been together for over a year. He broke up with me in the last month. I don't care if he has a car or not, times are hard and that's what the bus is for.

 

He seems really confused, angry, etc etc about this entire situation. I'm doing my part by giving him space. I just don't understand why guys feel the need to supress things.

 

Plus how he just ended things cold turkey, bugs the crap out of me. I feel the need to confront him in a calm and collected manner, of course. Whether or not that's the wisest thing to do, is beyond me. Hence why I'm here.

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All you can do is take care of yourself. If this guy wants to be with you, he'll come around.

 

Here's the deal, and this in my humble opinion, of course, but basically, many guys (particularly the younger ones) are incredibly self centered and afraid to show their feelings and all the pleading the world won't change that. Now you may already know this, so I apologize to anyone out there who are thinking "no sh!t sherlock", but it's true. Even as they get older, the ones who are this way many times (not always) never change. Either insecure homebodies who are afraid of their own emotional shadow or insecure, shallow, womanizing misogynist's cruising for their next heart to break. Neither of these personality types will likely EVER have the courage, empathy and love in their hearts to commit to a real relationship.

 

Now this doesn't mean they can't have good qualities, but good qualities don't make a relationship. If you want that, make a list of what you need and go out a find it. It's there if you are open and loving and have the courage to take a chance on someone. you can do it!

 

Peace and happiness.

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Yeah, I understand what you're saying. To be honest, he wasn't always like this. He was very sweet and open with his feelings. For being 22 yrs old, he was very mature for his age. It's just in the recent month that he started to act this way, probably due to all the stuff he's suppressed over time.

 

Heck, when I went up to see him about a month ago, he was okay and we even made love! Now this stuff happens and I'm verklempt (SP?)!

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Yeah, I understand what you're saying. To be honest, he wasn't always like this. He was very sweet and open with his feelings. For being 22 yrs old, he was very mature for his age. It's just in the recent month that he started to act this way, probably due to all the stuff he's suppressed over time.

 

Heck, when I went up to see him about a month ago, he was okay and we even made love! Now this stuff happens and I'm verklempt (SP?)!

 

Well...relationships are also about timing. Sometimes you're ready, he's not. Sometimes he's ready, you're not. Your tolerance for how long you are willing to wait for the two of you to get on the same page is what makes or breaks the timing. Sounds like the two of you are definitely NOT on the same page.

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Makes sense. There was a time when I was a total mess and he patiently waited for me to come around. I feel like I have to be the strong one now and wait. I know he loves me very much and all that stuff, but get the feeling that he's really confused and needs time to sort his stuff out, especially given how he flip flopped. Plus the distance issue doesn't help our cause. No, I don't expect things just to magically get better by me going up to see him. But I'm hoping that talking about it face to face will help somehow.

 

I don't know, I feel stupid at times for thinking this way. But when I look at my brothers relationship, he and his gf have been through so much crap and worked things out. They've been together for 10 years, have a beautiful house, a baby on the way and things are great between them. They've gone to therapy and all that stuff, so this gives me hope.

 

This is my first relationship, so pardon my ignorance.

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Makes sense. There was a time when I was a total mess and he patiently waited for me to come around. I feel like I have to be the strong one now and wait. I know he loves me very much and all that stuff, but get the feeling that he's really confused and needs time to sort his stuff out. Plus the distance issue doesn't help our cause.

 

I don't know, I feel stupid at times for thinking this way. But when I look at my brothers relationship, he and his gf have been through so much crap and worked things out. They've been together for 10 years, have a beautiful house, a baby on the way and things are great between them. They've gone to therapy and all that stuff, so this gives me hope.

 

This is my first relationship, so pardon my ignorance.

 

Well...it sounds like there may be a glimmer of hope, but you can't fix his problems (which you know). Maybe just let him know you are there for him...but you may want to set a time limit for yourself. No one would expect you to pine away for this guy forever.

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Just a small glimmer. You're right nonetheless. I don't intend to hang around waiting forever. That's why I wanted to go up to MI and confront him. I wasn't sure if it was such a good idea, though. I just wanted advice from people who have been in this situation and how they handled it. I'm completely lost.

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Just a small glimmer. You're right nonetheless. I don't intend to hang around waiting forever. That's why I wanted to go up to MI and confront him. I wasn't sure if it was such a good idea, though. I just wanted advice from people who have been in this situation and how they handled it. I'm completely lost.

 

I don't confronting him is a good idea. He's running away from something right now. You have put yourself out there for him. This is up to him.

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Very sad but unfortunately true.

 

These are the lessons in life I wish people didn't need to learn the hard way. I know a lot of guys, married and unmarried, who have no business, and never should, get into a serious relationship with anyone, other than their dog maybe.

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Make up with meaning | make up with...
Make up with meaning | make up with sentences | Common English Idioms #shorts

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