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First off, Hiya everyone!

 

I'm going to tell you my wee story, I'll do my best to give as many details as possible yet condense it as much as I can so please bare with me.

 

I got together with a girl last January, and very quickly we were madly in love. We were almost inseparable. Things were going perfectly fine and we were so happy. Although it wasn't all plain sailing. The truth is this, I loved her so much that I didn't feel like I could lie to her about anything, I wanted to be with her forever. So I told her the truth about me and my past. To clarify, the truth is I had slept with a silly amount of girls before I met her. I assured her that it was my past and she was my everything, but it must have bothered her because she became jealous of stupid little things. Anyways, we had a slight argument in June and decided to have a break for 2 weeks as she was off on holiday with the girls and I was going away with the boys.

 

I gave her space when she was on holiday, didn't contact her. Then she would text me "by accident" and I replied and asked if she was having fun, to which she replied that everything was going great etc. So I text her "I love you so much and I miss you" She didn't say it back to me but continued to text me for the next week. Til one night she was texting me and teasing me about the fit guys on holiday and I snapped and text her back the most horrible text message of my life, I took all her insecurities and threw them in her face. I had instant regret. I was so stupid. I apologised but she was really angry.

 

When we got home from holiday we decided to meet up and talk, I told her how I really missed her and I was upset she didn't say it back to me while she was away. She told me that she was missing me more than anything and was desperate to get home and see me and get back together (why didn't she just say that? girl logic!!) until I sent that SMS message. She said that had broke her trust.

So she didn't want to get back into a relationship with me, yet we were still constantly talking and texting. Then we had an arrangement, we would just be sleeping together. So that's what happened, we were sleeping together, then it became we were seeing each other everyday and having sex. This went on for 4 months and I kept asking her to take me back but she said she couldn't because she didn't trust me! She said she loved me and wished she could but she "knew" i would hurt her again!!

 

So that takes us up to October, she went on a few dates with a guy and I was cool with it. Gutted inside but there was nothing I could do! Anyways, she knew it upset me and said she was going to start seeing this other guy, we got into an argument and she told me how amazing he was, gorgeous, and how amazing he was in bed. So at this point I have to options, whither and die or get out with my friends and get over it! I opt for getting on with my life. I go out with my friends and have fun for the next 3 weeks (I did pick up a few girls in that time, I slept with 2 diff girls)

 

I'm still in contact with her and we meet up, we have mindblowing sex and she tells me she never ever slept with that other guy, she just said those things to hurt me. So we are back sleeping together again, she tells this guy she was dating that it was over with him and she wanted to get back with me. But, she still kept up that she couldn't get back with me!!

 

So it was now November and we are together all the time, she loves me but she can't trust me, this is her war cry!! I love her so much and constantly reassure her that things would be better than ever if she takes the chance! So anyways, we buy each other gifts at Christmas and we see each other on Christmas day and we sleep together.

 

Then it happens, 29th of December, she tells me her friend has set her up on a date with a guy and she really likes him.

 

And by the time new year comes round, they are "a couple". She comes to see me on the 4th of Jan and we have a chat and kiss.

 

I decide to go for NC because I couldn't handle the thought of her with another guy. But she still texts me throughout January, telling me how amazing he is, how good in bed he is etc etc.

 

I snap and call her all the names under the sun. And we don't talk at all for another 2 weeks. Until Friday night, the 13th of Feb. She rings me up just before midnight, to tell me happy valentines day. We speak for 2 hours, laughing and joking. She tells me that I was the love of her life, she has never loved anyone more than me etc etc. I ask her to give things another go, she says no. For two reasons : 1. she would look sad and desperate to take me back after everything that i had said and 2. she was in a relationship now.

 

So yeah I spent Valentines day really depressed and missing her. My head is spinning. I love her so so much. She is coming over to talk to me at somepoint this week. I really don't know what to do.

 

I am so sorry about the length of this post. If you read this far then I genuinely thank you from the bottom of my heart. I just need some advice, kind words, tough love, whatever!!

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Does she know you slept with those two different girls?

 

Sounds to me like your on a merry go round...sorry you are having this problem...it's best to concentrate on yourself and find someone new...she is in a relationship now...and seems she is playing some mind games with you too....this story you wrote is filled with drama.....take care

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OK, here's what I think, feel free to disregard it.

 

It seems like your relationship is based in lack of trust and jealousy. The reason it's gone on so long is because there's an element of excitement in these uncertain situations. Neither of you trusts the other one, yet you have amazing sexual chemistry, which combined, makes for a sexy, daring but volatile coupling.

 

The problem is, once the thrill fades, what you have is paranoia. Your past is too much for her to handle, and leaves her juggling her own jealousy and trying to make you jealous; and you unfortunately appear to have a tendency toward aggressive snapping, probably because you're insecure about your own past and have trouble trusting her as a result.

 

I really hope this doesn't appear judgemental, that really isn't my intention I'm just trying to convey it with the simplest and most honest language I can.

 

You've had a really stormy time with her, and you feel attached in strong ways, probably because your situation together is highly emotionally complex. But I really don't think it will work out unless she can get over your past, and you can deal with the fact that your previous experience makes you intimidating to certain girls.

 

Unless both of you can be bothered to take the time to work on it, it's probably reached its own natural conclusion between you. If you feel painful about it, go again for no contact. Her texting you is her attention seeking. If she's with another guy, she shouldn't really be doing that as it wont help anyone move on.

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Neither of you trusts the other one, yet you have amazing sexual chemistry, which combined, makes for a sexy, daring but volatile coupling.

 

Yeah, anytime we see each other we end up in bed.

 

Your past is too much for her to handle, and leaves her juggling her own jealousy and trying to make you jealous

 

Spot on.

 

and you unfortunately appear to have a tendency toward aggressive snapping, probably because you're insecure about your own past and have trouble trusting her as a result.

 

I trusted her implicitly. I snapped twice in a year and sent nasty texts, because she knows how to push my buttons!

 

unless she can get over your past, and you can deal with the fact that your previous experience makes you intimidating to certain girls.

 

She can't.

 

Her texting you is her attention seeking. If she's with another guy, she shouldn't really be doing that as it wont help anyone move on.

 

This is my thinking. But it leads to me thinking we can get back together

 

Does she know you slept with those two different girls?

 

Yes. I told her so. I only did it because they way she spoke about the guy she dated and rubbed my nose in it about how good he was in bed (she never actually slept with him though)

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Yes. I told her so. I only did it because they way she spoke about the guy she dated and rubbed my nose in it about how good he was in bed (she never actually slept with him though)

 

This sort of tells me that you guys will never work it out. There's a competitive element to your relationship that seems to lead to one-up-man-ship from both of you. The only thing that works well is the sex part, nothing else, and eventually that will burn out. OK, you snapped at her twice, but you make it sound like you really crushed her. Do you see how some damage, even from long ago, will put a rift there that won't close?

 

I really hope you move on from her and find someone who trusts and loves you. I also hope you learn from this that there are some things you can say or do that you can't take back, that people won't forget.

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This sort of tells me that you guys will never work it out. There's a competitive element to your relationship that seems to lead to one-up-man-ship from both of you. The only thing that works well is the sex part, nothing else, and eventually that will burn out. OK, you snapped at her twice, but you make it sound like you really crushed her. Do you see how some damage, even from long ago, will put a rift there that won't close?

 

I really hope you move on from her and find someone who trusts and loves you. I also hope you learn from this that there are some things you can say or do that you can't take back, that people won't forget.

 

I'm not asking her to forget, just to forgive.

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Forgiveness is difficult, hard to earn and hard to give.

 

Also, looking at your initial post, I get the feeling that she should not be telling you that you're the love of her life then telling you you can't be together. Have you considered that she's doing it to get your attention, maybe make herself seem unattainable to you and thereforee keep you interested?

 

Because she feels jealous of you, and thereforee wants you to feel jealous of her? The more I think of it, the more it seems probable.

 

If she's told you there's no hope but still wants to come and see you, there's a little test. Cut off contact. Tell her you can't meet her. Don't be available for a while. It seems like once you try that, you will find out what her real intentions are.

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Forgiveness is difficult, hard to earn and hard to give.

 

Also, looking at your initial post, I get the feeling that she should not be telling you that you're the love of her life then telling you you can't be together. Have you considered that she's doing it to get your attention, maybe make herself seem unattainable to you and thereforee keep you interested?

 

Because she feels jealous of you, and thereforee wants you to feel jealous of her? The more I think of it, the more it seems probable.

 

If she's told you there's no hope but still wants to come and see you, there's a little test. Cut off contact. Tell her you can't meet her. Don't be available for a while. It seems like once you try that, you will find out what her real intentions are.

 

 

 

You are really good at this!

 

My only worry is that instead of absense making the heart grow fonder, it will be more a case of out of sight out of mind!

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But don't you think that if she really wants to be with you then she will? You can't go on living in this bubble of sexual tension no matter how delicious it is. Eventually it'll bore you, and there are other people's feelings to take into account, ie her bf.

 

I would give it distance. At the moment she's dangling you, playing a bit of a game. If she really wants you, it'll stop.

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