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Surviving the ups and downs in a LTR


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Hi all,

 

I'm a first time poster on this forum. I'm in a LTR with my boyfriend of 2 years. We are both committed to the relationship, and we have spoken about marriage from the first few months. I am new to long-term relationships, but I find that we keep going through ups and downs.

 

I have researched a lot online, and I've found characteristic things that pertain to our relationship, that seem to be common in many others eg. Difficult adjustment with moving in, Conflicts w/household chores, Decrease in sex etc...

 

These are hard to deal with, but I'm handling them as much as I can. My question to all you fellow LTR-s, how do you deal with the ups and downs in your relationship? I find that I can be really upset with him one day and then love him so very much the next. There are days where I just want to be left alone, and other times when I just want to be near him.

 

Is this normal? I feel like it's not totally consistent. Do other couples go through these periods?

 

Thanks for any help.

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Help?! If a bit more info helps, I'm in my mid 20s and he's a bit older. Sometimes, when I feel angry at him, I find that the real source is really my own problem, but then there are other times when it really is him eg. he doesn't try as hard as he used to, either in the relationship, or at home.

 

I'm really wondering how other people deal with the hard times in their LTRs. Do you take more distance from your partner? Do you try to be closer to him/her? And also, is it normal that we have these spells?

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I think it's fairly normal, especially if you have some trouble with insecurity. When we have hard times, I get emotional, we talk through it, and things get better from there, or I simply distance myself a bit until I feel better and the insecurity has passed. It's a series of ups and downs, but if there are more ups than downs, you're doing just fine. Relationships can be a lot of work, but are obviously still very worth it.

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I think it's normal in a relationship.. well, everyone had experienced that.

Sometimes you feel like you want to be alone and then you misses him so much so you want to be with him and so in love with him.. for me all these are normal.

 

Because some times, couples should also give themselves time to spend on their own as individual, or maybe with friends.. to have moments of missing each other, and also to socialize with others. And with this, trust with each other may gain.

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I think it's fairly normal, especially if you have some trouble with insecurity. When we have hard times, I get emotional, we talk through it, and things get better from there, or I simply distance myself a bit until I feel better and the insecurity has passed. It's a series of ups and downs, but if there are more ups than downs, you're doing just fine. Relationships can be a lot of work, but are obviously still very worth it.

I guess so. It's hard because I can't really assess this relationship while comparing it to another. Maybe it's just him. Maybe it's just me. Sigh... I guess there are more ups than downs, but some days I think the difference is marginal.

 

 

I think it's normal in a relationship.. well, everyone had experienced that.

Sometimes you feel like you want to be alone and then you misses him so much so you want to be with him and so in love with him.. for me all these are normal.

 

Because some times, couples should also give themselves time to spend on their own as individual, or maybe with friends.. to have moments of missing each other, and also to socialize with others. And with this, trust with each other may gain.

 

Yes, sometimes I'm so glad to go to work, because it's a time out from him. That sounds terrible but it's true. Although when we have time apart, I miss him, but then I come back, and I can get easily frustrated with his behavior. It's really annoying to feel so all over the map.

 

Thank you both!

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^

I feel the same way. But, at the end of the day, you love him, right? That's what keeps me going through the down parts, is that when I settle down to go to sleep at night, he's beside me, and I know that I love him more than anyone else in the entire world. It makes all the standard relationship quarrels and problems worth it. I think a big part of it is the maturity level of both partners too. I know I have a ways to go when it comes to keeping my cool, accepting that there are going to be down areas in the relationship, and it does not mean that it's over, etc... There is no need to panic, it's just something that is normal, and it happens. I love my best friend too, but I don't want to be around her 24/7... eventually I want to be by myself or with another friend. If you live with someone, they are gonna annoy you sometimes It's just human nature.

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