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confused...


Daligal83

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I posted about a guy friend I hung out with on Valentine's Day. I wasn't sure if it was as friends or more. He asked me to hang out that day and we had never hung out just the two of us before. We got to the restaurant early so went to the bar and he got me a drink. But when the check came for the dinner, I paid my share. No big deal at all, but I figured it was just as friends though. But I was OK with it because even though I like this guy, I also just really enjoy his company and am happy just to have him as a friend.

 

But I still feel confused. We've talked four times today. I had given him some cookies that I made for my coworkers. He texted me early this afternoon to say how good they were. I IMed him later on showing him this great apartment I found on craigslist. He's looking for a place too, but is really busy so I offered to email him any good links I found while I was looking for myself. He IMed me later on when he got the email and thanking me for it. He just IMed me again commenting on my AIM status.

 

We've basically been talking on and off all day now. I don't get what's going on! I thought it was a clear signal that we were just friends when I paid for my own dinner, but I feel like if we're talking so much in one day (which we've never talked this much before), maybe something is going on?

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I think I did last night, I can't remember. But I think I'm pretty obvious. I brought him the extra cookies. I helped him look for an apartment today while looking for myself. At least I think I'm being obvious. And when he dropped me off I asked if he was going to hang out with everyone this weekend because his sister's friend is coming into town.

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I think you need to just ride this one out and see how it goes.

When I first began dating my bf my gut and logic told me he was interested but his actions where a bit confusing (as where mine without me noticing! Lol.)

 

Speaking so many times on the phone is good IMO. Let's see how this continues. I think at this point maybe he isn't sure himself what's going on.

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I agree with the others. Be patient and wait to see if he asks you to spend time together, just the two of you, again. And give it a few times of this to see if he kisses you or initiates some other type of physical affection. Keep communicating and encouraging him. You're doing fine.

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Well we haven't talked on the phone. Just text/IM cause he's basically living in the library right now. By 9:30 this morning he had IMed me again. I guess I'll just keep going as I am and see how it unfolds. At least I know he really likes me as a friend at least! haha

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That's a good point Batya. I try to get up and do things around the apartment while we talk so I'm not immediately responding. And there are definitely times where I've been away from the computer for a bit and come back and see he's IMed me.

 

I can kind of get him to IM me when I want though. I just have to put something in my status that he can comment on and lately he'll usually IM me haha. I'm pathetic.

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AAHHH!!! We've been chatting a few times everyday. Just now he asked if I have plans for the weekend and I already do for both nights But one night is with his sister, so I invited him haha. I'm just afraid he'll think that I only want to hangout in a group still when I really really want to hangout alone.

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AAHHH!!! We've been chatting a few times everyday. Just now he asked if I have plans for the weekend and I already do for both nights But one night is with his sister, so I invited him haha. I'm just afraid he'll think that I only want to hangout in a group still when I really really want to hangout alone.

 

Hmm - I would make it clear that you also would like to see him on your own.

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Hmm - I would make it clear that you also would like to see him on your own.

 

I agree--next time you speak, maybe you can add that point because it might confuse him a bit that you are inviting him to a group thing, even though it is with his sister.

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Well he just got accepted (well not officially but it sounds like he will be) to do this thing over the summer he's really excited about (unfortunately it takes him accross the country). I did say we'll have to celebrate and all he did was send a smiley face.

 

How do I go about this, because I thought it was bad for me to initiate asking him to hangout. That guys should be the one to make that move. Any ideas?

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How do I go about this, because I thought it was bad for me to initiate asking him to hangout. That guys should be the one to make that move. Any ideas?

 

My approach would be to say something vague like "we should hang out again sometime," to him and then if he is interested, he will either try to set something up then and there or he will contact you soon after to set something up. If he's not that interested, he will probably say yes, but not follow through by actually asking you out.

 

To me, this is not the same thing as asking him out. But I am curious to hear what others have to say. I might be in the minority on this one!

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If you want to make sure that he doesn't interpret it as a buddie thing, you can say you had fun last time and that you should hang out again. If he's interested/wants to, he'll contact you and try and plan something. I think if he's still contacting you and asking about your weekend he is at least interested in talking to you, and getting to know you.

 

Just tell him that you'd like to hang out again and take it from there.

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