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Valentine's Fool?


spacialize

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I'm in love with my best friend.

She's 28, I'm 33.

She knows how I feel about her, I told her about 3 weeks ago.

She's very special and we're very close.

I thought she was over her boyfriend since she said he's "Just a friend".

That's why I told her how I felt 3 weeks ago.

But upon telling her, she was way nice and caring and loving, even said she loves me, but she told me she is with her boyfriend and even sees herself marrying him one day.

OK, then we had plans to be together for Valentine's. I planned a trip to FL to be with her for Valentine's.

She then called me a week before Valentine's and said she wanted to get a room for us to spend the night.

I think anyone would take this as her feelings changed and she wants me.

Right?

We had a majestic day, I took her everywhere, did everything. Lunch, Dinner, stores, even a horse and carriage ride through a pretty and historic beach town.

But at the end of the night at the hotel---nothing.

"i'm sorry" she said. "we're just friends"

All her boyfriend did was call her at 1am.

That's it.

One phone call.

At 1am.

And that is more than everything I did and have done for her.

Her and her boyfriend, they live 3 hours away, she hardly sees him and she broke up with him a year ago.

I talked to her about this and she says she's happy and that i shouldn't analyze thier relationship.

I agreed.

Can someone please analyze this?

I would really appreciate comments and feedback.

Thank you.

---Dave

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Just from what the info you've posted it almost looks as if she just used you for a nice night out. Maybe you got a bit too hopeful when it came time for the night at the hotel that said (but definitely understandable how you could be given the whole arrangement and evening, etc.). Goes more towards your "fool" description I suppose.

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She knows how I feel about her, I told her about 3 weeks ago.

 

"i'm sorry" she said. "we're just friends"

 

I talked to her about this and she says she's happy

 

There is nothing else for us to point out. She has made her choice, she is happy, there is nothing u can do.

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Hrm, I would try to forget your feelings for her or at least put them aside. It really does seem like she has almost used you for a night out.

 

I don't think you're too much of a fool, as she seemed to be sending out mixed messages - e.g. spending Valentine's Day with you and booking you a hotel room. However it was probably wrong to get your hopes up and spend the day with her when you knew that she has a boyfriend and that she considers you just a friend.

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It doesn't sound like you can turn this around, and certainly not by sticking around to scoop up scraps. I'd take my pride and walk with it. Find someone who is relationship material--never again someone who's still emotionally hung up on an ex. Words mean zero.

 

In your corner.

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I don't know why she agreed for you both to go to a hotel on Valentine's Day of all days. I also don't know why she would go on a "romantic" (she knows full well how you feel) carriage ride with you.

 

I'm guessing she was missing her bf for Val. Day for sure and/or as a lesser idea but not impossible, perhaps wanting to make him a little jealous (for her own reasons) in making those sort of plans with you.... Though the first idea is very likely.

 

It wasn't at all nice of her toward you and was selfish in my book, but perhaps she is a really good friend usually...

 

Important to take away from all of this is that it does seem very clear that she has no interest in you romantically - very sorry to say....

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is there any other info you guys need or is it a closed case?

closed case would mean

she's cruel

she used me to pay for everything and take her out

she has no romantic feelings for me

 

i don't understand because we get along so well, i'm here for her

 

she always holds my hand when we go out and she let me sleep with her in bed-- just sleep

 

and before the trip she wrote "Hey darling. Just leaving you a note so that you know I'm thinking of you. "

 

i see this like this:

she is my best friend

i trust her

i feel if i just do this and be normal and do what i feel and she stays open and receptive that she will be with me

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You can continue to be there for her, treat her well, and hope she comes around. However from my experience it doesnt work. I have always read that girls decide what they want from you within first time they hang out with someone.

 

She made u a friend from that first meet, and 99% chance she will stick with that.

 

at least thats what happened for me

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spacialize, I strongly recommend you drop her. And when I mean drop her, I mean DROP her. No more contact, no more thinking about her, no more nothing. Don't even think about what she will think when you split, just write her off as part of your history, and maybe if your good enough, write her out of your history, this kind of a mess isn't even wroth any lesson or experience. This happened to me once. I cut her off, and found out latter that she kinda felt down about it, but I knew it was best for me if I just stayed away, and I really am a lot happier than I EVER was with her.

 

One thing though, Its all right to be friends with girls who have boyfriends, and maybe even flirt with each other sometimes too (keeping it friendly of course). But NEVER should you be friends with emotionally confused girls, it is VERY unhealthy for your spirit and mental well being. If you make even the SLIGHTEST wrong move they will do nothing but use you.

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She is treating you terribly. Go back and re-read your first post in this thread. If someone did this to a friend of yours, what would you say? Stick it out and eventually she'll be yours? No, you know that is not true. I'm so sorry she has treated you this way but you need to drop her. She is not her friend. Her behavior has been cruel. Friends do not treat each other this way. She knows how you feel about her and she takes full advantage of it to get attention and free meals even though she has a bf and does not want to be with you. Sorry to be blunt, but this is absolutely horrible treatment. I don't think you can truly call this woman a friend.

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i feel if i just do this and be normal and do what i feel and she stays open and receptive that she will be with me

 

Apart from what others have written (which I agree with) please remember that she told you in her own direct words very clearly "I want to marry my boyfriend someday" "You and I are only friends". The latter at the end of Valentine's Day after you'd just spent the entire day together & went for a carriage ride. She does not even seem confused regarding her feelings (or it would have shown that night of all times) - she seems very clear that she does not have them.

 

She lets you close to her (holding hands, in bed together, calling you darling) because she gets something emotionally out of the way you are with her & the way you treat her. She wants to keep you around doing those things because of that & knows if she doesn't give you some semblance of hope or something back in a way that feeds you, she could lose it. That is answer to the "mystery" around that behavior...

 

And the emotional thing she gets is not love related nor even anything to do with you at the heart of it. It is more like security for her, and/or a "filler" for loneliness she feels without her bf, or a distraction from thinking about painful aspects regarding her bf relationship, etc...

 

I agree with others in letting go of any romantic ideas with this woman, and if you decide to remain friends, the friendship would have to go through a shift. No more sleeping in bed together nor anything that could be taken as beyond platonic. Basically not doing anything you would not do with a male friend.

 

I know that idea is hurtful to you but then again you do deserve a love that is clear in reciprocal feelings & actions to you... Someone where at the end of the carriage ride you held each other in your arms & had a beautiful night together... That is what you can focus on finding as you seem like a person with a heart of gold.

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