Feels like I'm not good enough.

[jaycee00]

I've been struggling with it my entire life. Only now have I realized how deeply it permeated my very existence.

Parents instilled this belief within me, and it's affected every single thing in my life to date. I never used to try hard at school or physical activity for fear of finding out that I am a true failure. Never looked for a job because I never had faith in any of my abilities. Never successful with girls, because deep down I feel nobody would ever find anything within me to love. Same with friendships. Struggled with feelings of loneliness, and self-loathing...and always searching for that someone to "fix the world up for me".

 

The past 3 years have been sort of a life-turnaround for me. I've started realizing it was all in my head, started realizing how physically and mentally capable I can train myself to be. Eliminated many many self-doubts, actually found a girl to love me. Of course, this ended 1 year later because we were both still so full of insecurities that we couldn't handle each other. Became less dependent on others to fill that void of loneliness I've had my entire life. I thought everything was settled, thought I had started believing I was good enough.

 

But today, I find myself hesitant to decide on a profession. I scored above average in all areas of aptitude testing given to me by a job search training course. I know in my head that I am capable to perform many many professions, yet in my heart, I still doubt my ability to sell myself, because deep down, I still don't have confidence in myself. I'm still the person who was never good enough. Still have trouble meeting new people because there probably isn't anything within me that is worthwhile.

 

I placed the idea in my head that I had to be the best to be worthwhile, and I have worked hard at removing it. Today's feelings indicate to me that it hasn't been removed completely.

 

Does anyone out there know what in god's name I'm talking about?

[waveseer]

Yes, feeling not good enough is the single most common barrier to success. I felt that way at one time, but not any more. The fact is that we are good enough for most of the challenges we are likely to pursue. Being the best usually requires an investment of time and effort that I am unwilling to make so it's not like I couldn't be the best, I choose not to take it that seriously. You are obviously very intelligent, you can do it.

[Blue Streak]

I know and feel too well exactly what you are describing. I have been in you shoes. Your self perception, self worth, self meaning, is everything to you. It is all you are and it is detrimental to your health.