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Not sure if I handled this well...

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Hey...I've been a lurker for a good week up until now...


A little background info...together for just over a year, decided to do NC almost 2 weeks ago. I was sooo strong...until he messaged me on facebook...and this is what happened...







soooo you're not talking to me anymore?



i'm not sure what there is to talk about



Just wanna talk and see how you're doing?


You think I don't care about you but that's far from the truth I really do


I just didn't think we could work on things between us that's all


And I didn't want to have sex with you anymore not that I didn't cuz

you know me I really love to I just didn't want to hurt you in any way



Then great, that's the decision you made.



So why are you treating me like as if I don't exist?



Because there is no other way



no other way for what? You can talk to your ex who cheated on you but

you treat me this way?



I'm not your doormat. I deserve much better. I can't just be your

girlfriend one day and your friend the next. It doesn't work that way.

When you decided to give up on the relationship, you chose to have no

relationship whatsoever.





I wanted to be your friend


and talk to you from time to time at least


I didn't want things to be bad or rough between us



Knowing what I now know, I do not want to be your friend



So what do you think you know?



I know your conversation when her.


I read your conversation with her.


I know of your dates together.


I know that you used me. That you strung me along.



lol I know you read my convo cuz you broke into my email account.


I did have the conversation cuz I like the attention


But I never slept with her


nor do I want to


I never cheated on you ever



You disrespected me, the relationship, you used me, you lied to me,

you betrayed me.


At this point, if I did find out that you cheated on me, it wouldn't

even matter anymore.



Whatever you want to believe, I'm telling you I never cheated on you

and the reason I stopped it all was because it felt like I was

stringing you along and I didn't want to do that to you.


I did try though



You already did string me along.



I tried to work things out



No you didn't



Yes I did, but everytime I told you I couldn't hang out cuz I was busy

you would get so mad at me



I don't know why we're discussing this anyway. It's in the past,

there's nothing to be done. The decisions have been made.



and that was one of the major issues. I know I would be mad too but

you would really get upset and treat me pretty bad even though I would

have made it up to you if you said ok and let it go


whatever I just didn't want things to end in a GAY fashion



Oh so you thought I could just turn off my emotions like a light switch


Maybe we could talk to each other about our new dates. You gotta be kidding me.



You think that just because I hide it means I don't have emotions too?

I'm talking to you right now, because I have emotions for you.


feeling I mean



I don't know what I would get out of keeping in touch with you. I

don't know how either of us would benefit from it.



Well you still have feelings for me and I have feelings for you too, I

just want to make sure you're doing ok and help out when I can if you

need it cuz I am your friend and I love you!



I can't be your friend


I need to move on from you.



Like you moved on from your EX? LOL you treat me worse then him



I didn't love him the way I loved you



Well if you loved me more you should be able to understand. It's SUPER

hard for me, I did it cuz I was tired of fighting all the time with




Fair enough.



So how have you been?



I'm sorry I can't do this.





whats so hard about talking to me?



Because I need to get over you.


I can't get over you this way.



It HURTS to talk to you because I'm still fighting myself and

convincing myself that it's over. I'm still trying to make my heart

understand that it's over. And I'm still trying to kill the hope that

there is a future for us.



I'm a little worried, we use to do stuff and I was your main friend. I

wanna make sure you're ok and if you want to talk or whatever that I'm

here for you




Happy Valinitines Day BTW



And I'm saying goodbye because I need to take care of me.





ok well whatever you need



and here today I was holding up some hope that you would show up at my

doorstep today. See what I mean?



Well I'm at work. Sometimes I feel like visiting but I don't want to

hurt you. I'm afraid I might want to have sex with you.


I do want to but I love you too much to hurt you



I mean show up at my doorstep, beg me to take me back, blahblahblah.

Fantasy Cinderella style * * * * .


But I realize your other ex still has your heart, I was only borrowing

it for a while.



Not true


she just had good qualities that I liked when we use to date


it was very 'real' and I was looking for that


I don't want to be with her or sleep with her but to talk to her every

now and then makes me feel better



Because you aren't over her yet.



It's not that



No one could ever be as good as her


I could never live up to her,



if I was not over her I would want to be with her


and I don't, she's an alcholic and she has way too many tattoos


and her boobs are too small


and she's an * * * * * * * at times


and I HATE her family



Wow, look at the way you * * * * talk her. I can only imagine the crap

you say about me.



The only thing I say about you is that you always complained about the

things I did.


You had a very hard time complimenting me


and we would fight all the time


I didn't speak bad about you in the way that we just didn't get along



Absolutely, I did. I can't even tell my own father that I love him. I

know that I have serious intimacy issues. But I'm the only one who

would have been there for you through absolutely anything. The only

person who wouldn't ever have so much as lusted over another man. The

ONLY person who would still be with you if all you had was the shirt

on your back and the shoes on your feet.


And STILL you had to break me.





And then I left. I felt like I wasn't getting through to him.


Then he sent me a text asking me if I'm going to log on.


Then tried to re-add me to blackberry IM.


Then sent a text saying "You piss me off so mucn sometimes I don't know why I even try!!!! * * * * !"


And then he removed me from his facebook friend's list.


I haven't responded to any of this...


Other than having talked to him earlier and breaking NC, I'm hoping that I handled this well.


I guess I just need input. Or something.


And for a little FYI, he gave me the password to his email account which was linked to a blog we posted on together. I was writing a little love note in his blog, tried to save it, and I swear I somehow wound up in his email. Which is where I did start snooping, I admit, and found a very sexually charged very inappropriate conversation between him and his ex.


Happy free hugs day everyone, and thanks for all the help and strength you've given me while I was lurking.

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Your story is so much like mine.


My ex was talking to his ex behind my back, or so I thought. Then I found out much later that he actually HUNG OUT WITH HER.


So, you should be aware, if he was emaling or IM'ing her behind your back, he might have been seeing her, too.


Your convo w/him sounds a lot like IMs I had w/him when he was trying to get back with me, down to the "I never cheated on you" and you saying, at this point, it doesn't even matter if he cheated or not, what he did was still disrespectful


We are both much better off w/out these guys, and kudo to you for staying strong insisting on NC.


And for a little FYI, he gave me the password to his email account which was linked to a blog we posted on together. I was writing a little love note in his blog, tried to save it, and I swear I somehow wound up in his email. Which is where I did start snooping, I admit, and found a very sexually charged very inappropriate conversation between him and his ex.


Happy free hugs day everyone, and thanks for all the help and strength you've given me while I was lurking.

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All the other posters are probably correct.


But I can also see a possibility that he is looking for a way to get the relationship back - but different than it was before.


Sure...he wants to be my "friend"


That much is obvious. What he wants from the friendship though, I don't even want to think about.

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This is probably wrong but it might be worth checking out. I just think that conversation was a roundabout way of saying he wanted to try again with you but this time put right the things that were wrong with the relationship before you broke up - so I think you should tell him what I posted above.

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I think he...made it very clear though, that he wanted to be my friend. No more than my friend ("because I'm your friend") ...and that he had to end things with me. "I want to but I love you too much to hurt you"


And if he was so adamant about being my friend, why did he delete me as a friend on facebook? I don't understand that, what friend gets pissed off at you and does that because they don't get their way?


Sorry, I'm disputing everything you say, but only out of intrigue.

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When people get emotional they say and do things they don't mean especially when things don't appear to be going as well as they hoped. And they are not always clear and consistent.


I just think he is trying much too hard to be your friend and I can't help wonder why - so I don't really think it is just friendship he wants.


As I said - I could be wrong.

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I think you handled the situation extremely well, you stood your ground and didn't back down. If it were me, I probably would have given in to my ex, but you seem very strong, and I admire your strength.


He seems like a very confusing individual and I think you shouldn't bother trying to decipher him, not worth cause it probably will end up causing your healing to jump backwards.

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I'm feeling very unexpectedly awful today about this. I didn't even think about it when I did it, but I sent him a text last night.


"First of all, how am I pissing you off? I have not at all been cruel or unfair. Second, what is it that you're "trying" to do?"


---In response to his last text.


I never received a reply. I don't think I'm very surprised at that.


But now, I feel like I'm back at square one. I feel like now he's in the driver's seat and it * * * * ing sucks.



Now, more than EVER I want to call him. F@ck

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No, don't call him back. If he really wants to be back together with you he will not talk in riddles.


Exactly. You asked him directly what's up with him. If he chooses not to answer, or he answers in riddles, you'll know exactly what you're dealing with here, that he's not serious about restoring your previous relationship.


Don't call him. He needs to come forward and say what he really means.

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There is strength in numbers! We say these things because most of us have been where you are.


The only way you could ever get back with this guy is if he recognizes that what he did was wrong. I didn't see much recognition in that IM exchange you posted. He needs to realize he made a mistake, otherwise, he'll repeat the same pattern with you, and you will get hurt again.

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I don't think he ever wants to get back together with me. I found it in intriguing that BN had the opinion that me might, but I personally don't see it given that conversation. Does anyone else see this?


And as each day passes by I become more and more sure that I don't want him either. He would have to go through some amazing hoops just to have me consider it.

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You know...


I knew I had my seriously weak moments, but I thought I would have been stronger through this. But I'm ashamed to say...he's sleeping in my bed right now...



Maybe I'm not ashamed. It was a really great night...and I'll cherish it forever, no matter what pans out in the morning.



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