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Why do i get so involved and end up hurting so much..


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My situation started back in October, Me and a girl at University got on very well, We live in the same building at University, have the same friendship groups and hang out with all the same people..we were best mates and helped each other through all sorts of situations, went out partying together and just loved being in each others company, all sounds great... then we slept together.. and this became a regular occurrence, the sex was great.. and we agreed that as it was great and we trusted each other that its fine to carry on, which we did, we kept it quiet for a while, and then after a while it got out and people started to find out.. many weren't surprised, whilst others were.



After a while, feelings started to get involved and we both told each other this..and it became more than just sex, we wouldn't get with other people, and we would spend time just loving being in each others company, we went on a few dates and it came to that point where we were practically ' together' but without the label.


Now here comes the complications, exactly a year ago, she went through a horrible break up where her ex cheated on her and went off with another girl travelling on the trip they were supposed to go on together, we always spoke about it, and she would say how she's not over her ex fully, and how much he hurt her.


Me and her were at the stage where we were practically in a relationship but without the label, and she told me that she would love to be in a relationship with me, and would it be anyone else then she would have gone into it, but she didn't want to ruin something potentially special by going in and breaking up due to her ex,and maybe things might happen in the future.. so we decided to take a step back and cool things off over the vacation at uni. Stop talking everyday, and she lives far away so that would help, oh and she was going on holiday so perfect situation right?.


Well that didn't happen, she told me it was too hard to not speak, so we ended up speaking all the time whilst she was away and i went up and saw her when she got back.. we spent 3 days together, it was amazing, and came to the conclusion that when back at uni, why not carry on how it is as it's so good..


A few days back at Uni and she says its not fair that we can't spend as much time with each other as we would like and it's affected the time we spend with our friends, so we break it off again.. but again, it goes back to sleeping together again and spending time together, when we're drunk we usually get together, it came to the point where it was completely broken off due to her not being over her ex and not ready for a relationship and we said we'd go back to being friends.. easier said than done on my part..


Been back at university for a month now, and this is the situation.. I have been down and depressed for a month, my exams were affected by it, my friends say they haven't seen me as much as they used to , I see her everyday as we live in the same building, my friends are her friends, so we are all in the same room together when socialising and we all eat together at breakfast lunch and dinner, and it's just hard, she's started getting with someone else now, i know i'm better than this and ask myself why i let myself get so involved, but i really like this girl.. like alot... i guess i was really falling for her...


I've been through a bad break up before and NC worked brilliantly, but now.. i can't do that, and for my own sake i need to be friends with her, otherwise university life will be a misery, but i guess i'm just finding it hard... as i can't get away from it all.. She is still very messed up over her ex a year on and is in no state to go into anything, so it's the right decision, it's just i'm finding it harder than i thought and i feel i'm making excuses for why i seem a little down and keeping myself to myself..


Any Advice would be largely appreciated, i've tried to explain as best as i can, but it's hard to fit 4 months into here....

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Since you need to play politics with her while at school, that's the way to see it. By all means, if a situation presents itself to sleep with her again, don't do it. As you've seen, that doesn't necessarily bond her to you, so you can only build clout by standing on your own without trying to land her.


She's messed up right now, so let her jerk some other guys around instead of you. If she ever gets her head together, she's more likely to think of you and your closeness fondly if you're not pining around for her. Nobody respects someone who's willing to dangle around the periphery and scoop up scraps--so bone up on self respect, and push yourself to expand your circle of friends to include some people outside of her circle. Not only will this aid your healing, it will lend you some mystery.


You don't need to try to extinguish all thoughts and hopes about her--since that's basically impossible right now, but you can certainly allow yourself to put them on the back burner. Move forward, and if she's ever able to meet you on higher ground someday, she knows how to contact you.


Head high, and in your corner.

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Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
Starting Over In a Relationship - Beginners Guide


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