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after date + late at night, should your bf (offer to) take you home?


bluexin99

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We've been in a relationship for a bit over a month now. When we do go out, i usually arrive home after dinner, so never late at night. Tonight, we went out and i ended up arriving at home around 11pm (very late for me). I remember my friends telling me that their boyfriends actually catch public transport with them if it's late at night, take them home, see them get home safely and then head back home. We're still 19 so none of us can drive yet.

 

My question is this: for the sake of a girl's safety and whatnot, would you "expect" a guy to take a girl home or catch public transport (late at night - within the 10-11:30pm period) to her stop even though his home is, let's say an hour of public transport away? He didn't offer to take me home or anything.

 

On my way home, I did feel somewhat unsafe on the train and i knew i would have really appreciated it he did take me home or had at least offered to do so. This is my first relationship and my friends have been telling me certain things, so i really don't know what to 'expect'. I know 'expect' is such a harsh word.

 

What are your thoughts on this?

 

Thank you

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He usually does wait for the train with me, but he didn't tonight considering it was later than usual. And he never makes sure that i do get home safely i.e. he never texts/calls after dates to make sure that i'm safe at home. His assumption probably takes him there.

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I think he should- I don't like to sound sexist but it's generally much more unsafe for a woman alone than a man. He probably didn't think of it that way. So if there's a next time, ask if he'll go home with you- just to be sure you're ok.

 

If i do ask him to take me home, would it be demanding? My home is quite far from his, like i said, around 1+ hour public transport (so it would take him 2 hours back n forth). Tonight, just before we were about to separate, his dad called him up because his parents were obviously worried about his safety. He usually does wait for the train with me, but i guess he didn't tonight because he received his dad's phone call so he wanted to get home as soon as possible. I don't know what to expect and i don't want to appear demanding.

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Yes he should offer but make sure that it s in the context of safety...

 

Not waiting at the station with you because it is too late is BS. It is even more of a reason to wait with you (at a minimum!)

 

Maybe he doesn't offer because he is afraid that it will come accross as wanting something "more" at the end of the night.

 

Talk to him about it and how you feel. Do you want him to take you home? If you do, you need to let him know this. Should you expect him to? Not if you haven't talked about it.

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I think that in most cases he should at least offer to ride home with you and then see to himself afterwards. The exception would be if by the time he has seen you home safely it is then too late for him to get home (buses/trains have stopped running).

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Out of curiosity, what is the driving age in Australia? 21?

 

Legally, we can drive without a licensed passenger driver sitting beside us at the age of 18. We need to have gotten our red permits driver's license to do so (learner's driver's license comes before that, and after the red permit, we have our green permit and then our full driver's license.) The process is very complicated and there are specific time limits between which we can get our different licenses. It's really fussy when it comes to this in Australia.

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Maybe he doesn't offer because he is afraid that it will come accross as wanting something "more" at the end of the night.

 

Talk to him about it and how you feel. Do you want him to take you home? If you do, you need to let him know this. Should you expect him to? Not if you haven't talked about it.

 

What do you mean by "wanting something more"? To be honest, i don't think the safety issue even came accross his mind.

 

Yes, i do want him to take me home and after hearing what my friends said, i expected him to at most ask me. Maybe it wouldn't have made a big difference because i would have said no anyway since i don't want him to prolong his journey home by an extra 2 "unnecessary" hours. But yes, i would have really appreciated it if he did ask. The way he treats me all the other time contradicts to this.

 

To some extent, i think it is unreasonable of me to ask him to take me home. Is it?

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I think that in most cases he should at least offer to ride home with you and then see to himself afterwards. The exception would be if by the time he has seen you home safely it is then too late for him to get home (buses/trains have stopped running).

 

Nope, our train service is a 24 hours service. I wish it would be too late for him to get home due to no buses/trains operating because that would be such a brilliant excuse (at least puts me at peace) but nope, that's really not the case.

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I think 1hr+ is excessive of a ride to take you home. As it will take him more than 2 hours just to drop you off.

Can you maybe stay over the night and leave the next day or try to make your dates earlier on in the day if no one else can come get you?

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I think 1hr+ is excessive of a ride to take you home. As it will take him more than 2 hours just to drop you off.

Can you maybe stay over the night and leave the next day or try to make your dates earlier on in the day if no one else can come get you?

 

I do think 1hour+ is excessive as well and that's why i feel unreasonable for 'expecting' him to think about my safety when it would extend his trip unnecessarily.

 

No, i can't possibly stay over. Your right about the 'earlier date'. We usually do get home earlier than this and tonight was the exception.

 

I think me making a post about this is more than just reading the facts. It makes me want to question how much he cares for me, and now, i question it very much.

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If i do ask him to take me home, would it be demanding? My home is quite far from his, like i said, around 1+ hour public transport (so it would take him 2 hours back n forth). Tonight, just before we were about to separate, his dad called him up because his parents were obviously worried about his safety. He usually does wait for the train with me, but i guess he didn't tonight because he received his dad's phone call so he wanted to get home as soon as possible. I don't know what to expect and i don't want to appear demanding.

 

That does sound like quite a long ride! Perhaps you two shouldn't stay out so late until one of you can drive. I'm so glad I have my license- here in the states you can get your license at 16.

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What do you mean by "wanting something more"? To be honest, i don't think the safety issue even came accross his mind.

 

To some extent, i think it is unreasonable of me to ask him to take me home. Is it?

 

I do think 1hour+ is excessive as well and that's why i feel unreasonable for 'expecting' him to think about my safety when it would extend his trip unnecessarily.

 

No, i can't possibly stay over. Your right about the 'earlier date'. We usually do get home earlier than this and tonight was the exception.

 

I think me making a post about this is more than just reading the facts. It makes me want to question how much he cares for me, and now, i question it very much.

 

As far as wanting more, is he going to think/expect to have sex if he goes the extra hour to see you get home safely...

 

With the late hour being the exception, I do not think it is too much to ask. Again, talk to him about it and tell him you would feel safer if he were to ride home with you before he goes home for the night. Obviously, it is all how you word it. If you start the conversation by saying, "You don't care for me because you don't see me home after our dates," I'm sure the conversation isn't going to end well.

 

The other factor of the equation is how safe is the public transit? In New York City, I couldn't even fatham letting a women travel alone for an hour at 11:30pm. Is Sidney different? Is it the norm for women to be traveling alone at that hour? Again, it doesn't make a huge difference either way, as out of respect for you, he should at the very least offer.

 

Talk to him about your feelings. You may find that after spending a month with him, it is time to move on already...

 

Good luck.

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I could obviously see how you would question how much he cares about you if he doesn't offer, but is he usually caring otherwise? Does he send you texts in the morning saying hello or gifts (though a bit early for that even) etc...?

 

This is where i trip. Like i said before, the way he treats me all the other times contradict to this. He contacts me everyday, whether it's through texting, calling, msning etc, sometimes just to say hi and to see how i'm going. He was the one who asked me out and initiates all our dates. From what i have gathered about his feelings towards me, my instincts tells me that he does care about me. However, when it comes to truly assessing it, he fails.

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As far as wanting more, is he going to think/expect to have sex if he goes the extra hour to see you get home safely...

 

Of course not. This is my first relationship and i am conservative when it comes to this. Nowhere near ready. And he wouldn't think anywhere near this. I'm pretty sure about that.

 

The other factor of the equation is how safe is the public transit? In New York City, I couldn't even fatham letting a women travel alone for an hour at 11:30pm. Is Sidney different? Is it the norm for women to be traveling alone at that hour? Again, it doesn't make a huge difference either way, as out of respect for you, he should at the very least offer.

 

Nope, it's not the norm. It's been a month and i haven't told my parents about me being in a relationship. And i believe if i did tell them about this, they would be very angry at him for not sending me home or at least offering. So yeah, it's quite serious if you look at it like this.

 

Talk to him about your feelings. You may find that after spending a month with him, it is time to move on already...

 

Are you serious? Is the issue really that severe? We're not just "dating", we're already in a relationship. And yes, it's not against social norm to break up after a month. I know it's silly that i haven't realised this till now but that's that. Apart from this, he's a great person who treats me well.

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I think me making a post about this is more than just reading the facts. It makes me want to question how much he cares for me, and now, i question it very much.

 

 

Are you serious? Is the issue really that severe? We're not just "dating", we're already in a relationship. And yes, it's not against social norm to break up after a month. I know it's silly that i haven't realised this till now but that's that. Apart from this, he's a great person who treats me well.

 

You were the one that brought up the question of how much he cares for you...

 

It may just be an oversight on his part due to his age and inexpierence. The one thing that you said that should answer your question is that your parents would be angry if they knew about this. In almost all cases, if you follow your gut feeling about how your parents would feel, you can easily figure out the correct answer.

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