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found out my dad's a cross dresser.. can any cross dressers here explain?


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Ok this is the original post from when I found out

 

 

 

I think I should have put it in this category though because I would really like to speak to some people that do it. I know I need to accept it but it still makes me uncomfortable.

 

He's downstairs doing it right now... It's 1am, I went downstairs to turn the heating off. My mum is working a night shift and my dad's in the bathroom. His bedroom door was open and I saw lots of handbags and clothes strewn around the bed that aren't my mums and I could smell perfume and cosmetics.

 

I can't sleep now.. It's just making me feel uneasy. I just want to know why he is doing it? Why at 1am is he taking so much time and effort to dress up just to take it all off again. It's not like anyone's gonna see him. What's the point? If you're a cross dresser can you please explain what compells you to do this? Thanks..

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There are many different reasons for transvestitism, so the only person who could really tell you is your dad.

 

Often it's felt as a relief from having to be "the man" all the time, sometimes because its a way of experiencing a partcular facet of their personality, and for some because they feel they are in the wrong body.

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Read transvesttte forums, books and journals, find out everything you can. Its the only way to truly understand.

 

I agree. I want to point one thing out...not all..and in fact MOST men who crossdress are not gay, the majority are straight. The reason I am pointing this out is that I often find that people who find out that a parent crossdresses have an underlying worry that it means that their parents don't have a real marriage, that one is gay, or that their parents will split and it isn't the stable situation they thought it was, If they knew that it wasn't the case, they feel a whole lot differenct about it. So for now, put your mind at ease that it doesn't necessarily mean that they don't have a good marriage or mom is being deceived.

 

Your mom may not have a clue that he crossdresses, but she ALSO might. It may be something that is hidden from her, but it also could equally be that may be that she is fully aware, but how they work it out is that he does it when she isn't around. Not that she is disgusted by it, but because it just gives him his private time to himself. If she knows, maybe it has also been agreed that its not something that is done in front of the family. In fact, there are also men who don't feel the need to completely dress up, but might wear women's panties, etc, but no one knows because they are under their clothes.

 

Anyways, I agree about reading up on things.

 

Do you feel you should bring it up to your dad about what you saw, and that you love him very much, but were scared, etc? Is that something you want, or do you think you want to treat it as a one time occurrence/fluke or do you not feel comfortable talking to him about it/don't want to? I am not saying you have to ever mention it to him but wondered if it was something you were considering ?

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we've already discussed it the night he told me. I asked him why but all he could say is 'I don't know why I do it'. I've looked stuff up on the net with random people speculating about what they think, but I'd really like to hear from an actual cross dresser on here to help me understand. Is it a sexual thing?

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I've lived with a transgendered person for a few years and for him (her) it wasn't so much a sexual thing as it was an identity thing. No one can really speak for your father, or help you "understand" to make you feel better. Your uneasiness, or prejudices are your problem not your Dad's. So I would look to yourself and try to understand why you are having difficulty with this.

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I've lived with a transgendered person for a few years and for him (her) it wasn't so much a sexual thing as it was an identity thing.

 

I don't think that being a cross dresser or transvestite is the same as being transgendered. He told me he doesn't want to be a woman, he just likes to dress as one.

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One cross dresser isnt the same as another, just like one transgendered isn't the same as another, just like being transgendered isnt the same as being a cross dresser. Asking another crossdresser isnt going to tell you why your dad is doing the things he does either.

 

If I saw a woman do something that I thought was weird, would you appoint a woman to speak on behalf of the whole gender, or would you tell me to just ask that particular woman?

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Your uneasiness, or prejudices are your problem not your Dad's. So I would look to yourself and try to understand why you are having difficulty with this.

 

I think that is slightly unfair. I dont think there are many if any people who wouldnt react the same in this situation especially as its so 'close to home' as it were. And its not exactly the same as living with an acquaintance as you have as it is for a a family living with their father. You may disagree but that is your perogative.

 

This is a difficult and highly emotive situation and it is also personal and new to her and obviously very difficult to broach the subject with her father Acceptance is not easy but I am sure it can be obtained in time but in the meantime I think it would certainly help the OP to gain a general understanding so she can approach her father when this has all sunk in during the weeks, months, years to come.

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I've asked my dad, and he doesn't know. Obviously other cross dressers won't know exactly what he is thinking, but they can still offer some insight and support. I know you mean well Luke B, but you're not helping by continually telling me I am the one with the problem. You're right, I am, but talking to some like minded people is how I want to deal with it and you're being detrimental to that. unless you're a cross dresser this thread wasn't really aimed at you.

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I think that is slightly unfair. I dont think there are many if any people who wouldnt react the same in this situation especially as its so 'close to home' as it were. And its not exactly the same as living with an acquaintance as you have as it is for a a family living with their father. You may disagree but that is your perogative.

 

This is a difficult and highly emotive situation and it is also personal and new to her and obviously very difficult to broach the subject with her father Acceptance is not easy but I am sure it can be obtained in time but in the meantime I think it would certainly help the OP to gain a general understanding so she can approach her father when this has all sunk in during the weeks, months, years to come.

 

Thankyou, that's what I've been trying to say

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I think that is slightly unfair. I dont think there are many if any people who wouldnt react the same in this situation especially as its so 'close to home' as it were.

 

It is no more unfair that asking her dad why he is doing the things he is doing. It is a legitimate question to ask, why this is bothering her so much. I dont really care who many people would react the same way. There was a time not so long ago when it would be unthinkable for women to wear pants, most people were in complete agreement on this.

 

It is actually an unfair question to ask why someone does something they self-identify with. Why are some women more comfortable in a pair of jeans rather than a dress, why do some guys love being a stay-at-home dad? Why do gay people feel an affinity towards the same sex. Why do straight people feel an affinity towards the opposite sex?

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It is no more unfair that asking her dad why he is doing the things he is doing. It is a legitimate question to ask, why this is bothering her so much. I dont really care who many people would react the same way. There was a time not so long ago when it would be unthinkable for women to wear pants, most people were in complete agreement on this.

 

It is actually an unfair question to ask why someone does something they self-identify with. Why are some women more comfortable in a pair of jeans rather than a dress, why do some guys love being a stay-at-home dad? Why do gay people feel an affinity towards the same sex. Why do straight people feel an affinity towards the opposite sex?

 

Trying to make someone feel bad for being shocked and out of their depth doesnt really help anyone.

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If you and your dad have a good relationship, I would try to accept this for his sake. He is not cheating on your mom, doing drugs, getting drunk, abusing you verbally or physically. It is a part of who he is. It is important to him. It's not about you. But your reaction is of major importance to him. He's still the same person. And he loves you. read up on the subject. Ask questions. Try not to judge.

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Trying to make someone feel bad for being shocked and out of their depth doesnt really help anyone.

 

I was just trying to explain that the explanation she was looking for doesnt exist.

 

I could tell her her dad was dropped on the head when he was a baby, and this is the reason why he is crossdressing. Perhaps it would make her feel better. Maybe I should have done that.

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I was just trying to explain that the explanation she was looking for doesnt exist.

 

I could tell her her dad was dropped on the head when he was a baby, and this is the reason why he is crossdressing. Perhaps it would make her feel better. Maybe I should have done that.

 

you're being totally unhelpful. I know that there isn't a simple definitive explanation like being dropped on the head, I'm not an idiot. I just wanted to talk to some cross dressers to get a broad range of ideas on the subject and see if they may be in some ways applicable to my dad. This forum is here to help people and you are just being condescending luke.

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I was just trying to explain that the explanation she was looking for doesnt exist.

 

That is being the opposite of being condescending. The other comment was obviously sarcastic.

 

I'm sorry but there is no explanation why people do things they self indentify with. Your search for answers are borne out of the belief that there is something wrong with your dad. If you stopped believing that he did something wrong, you will also stop looking for answers where there are none.

 

The way you present yourself they way you dress, how you carry yourself all have to do with you you see yourself how you self-identify. You can say well I dont need to explain myself to anyone, because there is nothing wrong with me. What you are really saying is that you dont have an anwer, just like your dad didn't have any answers for you. You really need to stop asking, and learn to accept your dad they way he is, or not accept and not be part of his life.

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I found a website but it seems to be obsolete now but these words might help ....link removed-

 

 

"All too often, the children of crossdressers are the forgotten ones. Like crossdressers and their spouses, they often live in lonely isolation, unable to talk over their thoughts and feelings with friends who have "been there." If only they could make contact with others like themselves, and understand that they are not alone!"

 

I did however find found a pretty good website/forum you might want to take a look at. Alot if about transexuals but there might be something of value to you ...................link removed

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The best thing you can do is to try and be understanding.

 

It's not hurting anyone, so what's the big deal?

 

I've cross dressed from a very young age and will let you know that acceptance is very important.

 

I know that you wish your father could let you know 'why' he dresses up, but honestly he really might not know.

 

I know when I started it wasn't like I said "I think I'll start wearing women's clothing today" I was simply drawn toward it and still to this day don't know why.

 

I differ from your father, because I have had gender issues and have at times felt I should have been born female, having said this you can safely trust your dad when he says he has no desire to be female.

 

The vast majority of cross dressers have zero desire to be something other than a man and the vast majority are also straight as straight gets.

 

People choose to dress up for a lot of reasons.. an escape from always having to be 'manly'... as a form of sexual gratification.... because they are transgendered.. the list goes on and on.

 

I wish you well and I hope that you can come to accept this part of your father, look at it this way... women have been dressing up in men's clothing without anyone saying a word for decades.... what's the difference.. other than 'society' saying one's acceptable and one's not?!?

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women have been dressing up in men's clothing without anyone saying a word for decades.... what's the difference.. other than 'society' saying one's acceptable and one's not?!?

 

Thats right, and like I said before it wasnt that long ago when it was completely unacceptable for women to wear men's clothing.

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Thats right, and like I said before it wasnt that long ago when it was completely unacceptable for women to wear men's clothing.

 

A woman wearing a pair of trousers for comfort/convenience isnt the same as a woman dressing up like a man because she likes to FEEL like a man.

 

And if you can explain why a woman does that, because even as a woman I cannot, then maybe you can finally give the OP can get some insight and understanding instead of trying to make her feel prejudiced and wrong for feeling the way she does when all she really wants is THAT insight and understanding. A bit of support wouldnt go amiss either.

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A woman wearing a pair of trousers for comfort/convenience isnt the same as a woman dressing up like a man because she likes to FEEL like a man.

 

This sounds completely reasonable in this day and age, but in some parts in this world, and not so long ago in the "western" world you would have encountered a lot of hostility for this belief. Hopefully in the near future people are allowed to dress in whichever way they feel comfortable. I see no reason why this isnt possible.

 

I try not to tell people what they want to hear if I feel I am lying to them. My sense of Samantha20 is that she is strong enough to hear what I feel is the truth eventhough it may be difficult to hear. It doesnt do her any good to feed her prejudice.

 

I am no saint we all have our prejudices including me. Most of my close friends are gay or lesbian, statistically that shows a prejudice towards straight people. I'm sure I have shortcomings in other areas aswell.

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