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Approaching the girl in the book store.


enixon

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I'm requesting some advice on approaching a women who works at a local book store who's cough my eye. I'll try and make this brief. I frequented this store quite often up until recently and she would do her job, asking me if I needed any help finding books.

 

Last August I was sitting with some friends at a coffee shop and she walked in and stood in line before seeing us. She then got out of line, walked up to us and said hello to my friend who she apparently knew, then turned and stated "I don't believe we've met" and introduced her self. I told her I though I remembered her and mentioned the cook book she almost sold me on. She replied by mentioning that if I ever need any photo copies of recipes since she owned the book, that I could get them from her. She then turned around and got back in line.

 

She obviously just came over to meet me. This blew me away because American women never do this. I didn't interpret this act as whorish or overly easy at all in fact it was a big turn on. It made me want this girl, that and the fact that she works in a book store and doesn't use the word "like" in between every other word.

 

I should mention that prior to this event I had attempted to meet her at her work by buying books so I could interact with her at the check out like a idiot, with no success. I continued this stupid strategy two weeks later even though she'd already essentially let me know she was interested. I walked up to the counter with Richard Dawkins -"the selfish gene" She attempted to make small talk with me, remembering me from before yet the best I could do was short sentences tripped up by the occasional studder. At one point I stood there for a solid 15 seconds attempting to pull my atm card out of my wallet inhibited by my shaking hands with her looking on. I think this clumsy interaction pretty much destroyed my chances with this girl, which I'm ok with. I've been single since I was 17 and I'm now 23 so it's not really a disappointment I can't take.

 

I'd still like to attempt to flirt with her and perhaps get her number for no other reason than to simply hone my skills. Even if I crash and burn I'll have learned some thing. I haven't been back to that book store since I last bought that book. In the past several months I've made a lot of progress with my self esteem and over all confidence around peers, so I'm over the buy a book method which has cost me over $40.

 

I'm looking for help in developing a general strategy. I have to have some thing to say to at least start off because talking to a women for most men, especially a women we're attracted to produces a similar emotion as looking over the edge of a cliff without a life line. It really feels that sickening. I'm not exaggerating.

 

I was thinking of simply walking in there and acting as if I remember her although not as well as I obviously do and asking her if she could help recommend a book, then describe a book in a playful way so she knows I'm joking that can't possibly exist, such as a historical Sci-Fi, a liberally conservative political book, horror thriller romance. Then further tease her if she gets the joke by telling her I thought she would be ready for a challenge since she's worked here awhile or some thing along those lines. Then hopefully her response will have something in it I can either tease her about again or ask her further questions on.

 

I think so far this is a good strategy but I don't want to get into a mundane conversation with her so I'd love input on how to steer the conversation towards romantic intent this is my biggest problem.

 

Any help would be greatly appreciated. I'm sorry about the length. Thanks.

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A dude in my class asked me out tonight. He was very smooth about it. He walked me to my car, and while we were walking, he asked me what I was up to this weekend. We chatted for awhile, and as we were saying bye, he asked me if I wanted to have dinner tomorrow night. You should do something similar.

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I don't know if I'd use a line, specially in a bookstore setting because you may come accross as contrived. I would just go to the store to look for something to buy and be chatty with her as though you're just chatty by nature. The topic is of no consequence. Then if she's looking like she's interested (if she isn't she'll make the conversation awkward for you), then just ask for her number/e-mail. Start with the number/e-mail first, or possibly ask her to go to coffee. If you start with a date thing right off the bat with strangers you run the risk of looking desperate.

 

Good luck! She seems interested already so that she be comforting.

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DJBaby - I don't want to have dinner with her. That implies that I must buy her some thing, in this case dinner, in order for her to date me as if my personality isn't reason enough for her to spend time with me. Why must I bribe her with items of monetary value. That's just simply insulting to men.

 

bzborow1- Thank you for your feed back. I understand what your talking about. Just being friendly and open. But please keep in mind I'm attempting to attract this girl which is specifically what I'd like help with. Attracting. Women aren't attracted to every guy who starts a boring conversation with them. As for being contrived, of course I am. I have to be contrived, How else am I supposed to act any where near normal when it feels like I'm jumping out of an air plane just by talking to her?

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Maybe djbaby was implying that you should ask her out somewhere ( since you dont wanna spend money go to a park or something idk ) and just get to know her is the key. So approach her find something to speak about and if it goes well ask her out to something.

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She works at a book store not a cafe. Maybe that was confusing, my post was kinda long. Also, it's not that I don't want to spend money, it's simply that I'd like a women to be attracted to me, not hang around me because I'm bribing her senses by spending money on her. Thanks for your responses.

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Most of the time its not about them being attracted to your money its more of creating comfort, she doesnt have to worry about how much he foods going to cost or anything like that so its much easier for her to relax. Her relaxed and comfortable is really your goal in the first couple dates right?

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Regardless, Dinner isn't required to gain comfort so I don't know why your pushing the issue. Perhaps I could get some input from women on what sets a women at ease, and please don't say having a man spend money on you. I think it's kind of sexist to assume a man must worry about how much dinner is but a women should be sheltered from reality as if having a vagina makes you so much more special than not.

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I'm a woman, so I'll give my input here.

 

I like your idea of asking for help with an impossible book. It creates a nice (albeit kind of dorky) opportunity to give her your number when she can't find it. Contrived or not, if she's interested, she'll be happy that you broke the ice. I would not recommend getting overtly romantic in your intentions, as she's at work. Just joke for a bit. I would recommend leaving your number with her instead of asking for hers. There is the possibility she could get in trouble for giving out her number at work. Plus, if you write your number down before you speak with her, it makes things a bit easier for you.

 

Now, onto the next bit:

 

Dinner is certainly not bribing a girl's senses. It's a date. To be honest, if you're looking to put this woman "at ease", you should try not to have such a low opinion of her (or of women/dating in general). Even us so-called progressive gals who will fight over paying the check can sniff out that kind of thing and will certainly say no to a date. If you're worried she would only go out with you for a free meal, ask her to do something for free. Take a walk, go to a free day at a museum, people-watch at the park or the mall.

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Excellent advice. I also liked the "impossible book" approach.

 

Another suggestion for approaching her would the the good ol' "You must get

tired of all these guys hitting on you all the time... all these jerks coming in here all the time, buying books just to make conversation... It's enough to make you sick..."

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Thank you all for your advice. It's good to know I'm on the right path even if I can't walk yet. I like the suggestion of making fun of the guys who do the exact same thing I've done(buying books to talk to her) because I can see my self laughing confidently as I'm saying it. Also its a piece of reality she'll either agree with or not relate to it at all and be flattered by.

 

 

Also, just to reply to sbuzzes statement about dinner.

you should try not to have such a low opinion of her

I don't think I said any thing that would signify I think low of her, in fact I believe I mentioned I was impressed by the fact that she introduced her self to me because she took a roll that's not traditionally held by women. I don't wish to start a debate in this thread, if it comes to that we can start a new one, but I'd just like to state that I believe women should get paid the same as men, But if men are obligated to buy a women dinner just to put a women at "ease" which is required for a further relationship then employers are obligated to pay men more to compensate for our expenditure. Obviously I won't be asking this girl to dinner. I want the world to change, not support a sexist system I don't agree with.

 

Thanks for your input

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You are gonna limit yourself with the iconoclastic attitude with male/female social norms, but god bless you man if your generation is finally the one to bring down all the ridiculous double standards and archaic behavior men are still saddled with in the wake of women's "equality."

 

My generation couldn't do it. Women my age still sit around in the salon and coo over engagement rings like a flock of harpies collecting "shinies" for their nest, even though they are corporate executives making six figures. Go figure. Best wishes in your quest.

 

EDIT: on topic, ask her to cook something with you out of that cookbook she has, split the costs of the food/preparations, or if she does all the cooking, you buy the stuff, it's only fair that way.

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Thank you for your words of encouragement regarding my unorthodox views on equality. Also, the cooking idea is actually a really good idea. Not what I came here for buy I can see it being fun after a few dates. Thank you for the advice, keep it coming.

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English Conversation Practice - Sho...
English Conversation Practice - Shopping At The Mall

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