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Should I tell him how I feel?


clyn
If He Likes You He'll Do This -...
If He Likes You He'll Do This - Harsh Truth

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I've liked this guy I call Chris on these forums for about a year now. He knows I like him. Sometimes he says nice things back to me, sometimes he flirts with me, and sometimes he ignores me. I told my ex about my interactions with Chris, and he pretty much said I am a total dating retard because I ask guys I like very uncomfortable questions. He said it was like I was cornering him. I'll ask him if he hates me and things of that nature. Valentine's Day is coming up, and I kinda want to tell Chris all the many reasons I'm attracted to him and like him. I don't know if it will make any difference or not, but I kinda feel like telling him WHY I like him instead of just telling him THAT I like him. What do you think? Should I apologize for all the stupid questions I've been asking him?

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Why do you want to do this? What are you hoping to achieve? You say he knows you like him. You also say that sometimes he ignores you. It seems to me that you have all the information you need - nothing good can come of imposing your needs on him further. Because that's what you will be doing - you will be forcing Chris into telling you something you probably do not want to hear.

 

From what you say above I have to say that my advice is to leave him alone totally, and if he comes calling for you to just be nice and pretend the awkward stuff never happened. You can show you like him without getting into the history of it all, and if he likes you you should know it without you forcing the 'chat'.

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I don't know. I guess I'm hoping he sees something in it that makes him think I'm really into who he is. It's extremely hard for me to leave him alone. I want to get another chance at dating him. I think about him every single day, and I can't seem to get over him no matter who comes along. Nothing seems to help. I thought seeing him in person again would make me forget all the fun we had on our first date. Turns out I still feel things for him. Nothing is helping me get rid of the feelings I have for him. I've talked about him with the counselor. She doesn't like him from what I've told her, but her opinions don't help. He seemed so into me on the first date. It was the best night I can remember having.

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Every time you write stuff like you just did, you are reinforcing the message to yourself that Chris is impossible to get out of your system, and that you need him. You are creating your own problem here, you know that don't you?

 

I read some of your other posts and see he has an issue with your no sex before marriage policy, and he's said so. You have picked someone whose values fundamentally clash with your own and your need for him is a self-sabotaging behaviour. From everything you've said, he sounds like he's into you for as long as he thinks he can get something from you, and that's it.

 

Look, I get the whole thing about wanting this kind of guy, I have been there. I think there's something really self-hating and self-defeating about pursuing these kind of relationships - they are toxic.

 

Do you honestly think that just one more talk, just one more heartfelt statement from you or one more apology or whatever will make him go 'my gosh, yes the blinkers have fallen from my eyes, I really do love and respect clyn?' I know you fantasise about this (well I assume you do) but does your rational mind believe this?

 

This is about your need, your own need to have that special one, and you decided early on it was Chris. The real Chris is just some confused bloke who wants some action but isn't going to jump through your hoops to get it. The dream Chris is your own projection and you need to move past him. There really will be a guy out there who wants to be with you and who you never have to go through this for.

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