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So, I had a crush on a guy I was sort of friends with. We got together and things seemed exciting and sexy and fun. We were both about to move out of our apartments, so we decided to move in together, since we were both broke and where we live is a bit pricey. This was after a few weeks of dating. We moved in together about 6 weeks after getting together.

 

A very short while after that, we decided we should get married. It all seemed fun and adventurous and we were married just five months after we started dating. We both thought/think marriage is stupid for various reasons, but we did it because we were having fun. He has a child by another woman and I found out very quickly that I am not a kid person.

 

I do not like being a step-mother. I don't like it when people tell me that I have a kid or call me a step-mom or mom or anything else, because it makes it sound like the kid's mom dropped off the face of the earth and I'm the replacement, which is far from the facts. I've never really been around kids and it's not like he's around all the time (or much at all), but I feel I wasn't ready for a kid, but I just didn't know.

 

Very quickly after we got married (we're now married four months), I felt this sense of doom that I did not feel before. I love him very, very much but I feel like I'm in this huge commitment that I should not have taken so lightly. I feel like since we went back on our "marriage is stupid" ideals that I have felt really weird about the whole thing. Like, I idealized it in my head and was watching all my friends do it, so I should do it, too. Hell, I put myself down as "Ms." or "Miss," I didn't take his last name, and we still call each other bf and gf a lot of the time. We want to stay together, but we have been talking about getting an annulment and starting back with dating. I mean, if this is going to work, a piece of paper won't make it last any longer than it would have, right?

 

I am in my mid-twenties and have had consistently crappy relationships and this is the first one that I have enjoyed for more than a few weeks. I just... I wish we'd have stuck with our guns.

 

Has anyone else been in this situation? Please, no snark. I'm feeling really weird lately and I don't want to be the subject of an internet peanut gallery.

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Welcome to eNotAlone

if this is going to work, a piece of paper won't make it last any longer than it would have, right?

Maybe not. But why would that same piece of paper make it last a shorter time than it would have?
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Welcome to eNotAlone

Maybe not. But why would that same piece of paper make it last a shorter time than it would have?

 

I've thought of that, as well. I just feel like I don't believe in the institution of and the things that are associated with marriage. It's like a Christian pretending to be Buddhist for fun. It's neat and all, but it's not a truthful action. Does that make sense?

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I feel like the feeling is messing up the relationship. I feel this strange pressure with suddenly becoming a step-mom and being married that I've never felt before. My relationship is very important to me, but feeling like crap all the time isn't that great.

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OK- my sister is a lot like you and isn't particularly 'kid-friendly' in that she isn't a mother type.

 

So when she married a man who had three children who came to stay periodically she didn't act like a step-mom. She treated them as if they were guests. She was polite, and friendly, fed them etc. and expected them to behave properly and if they didn't she left it to her husband to deal with. But she didn't take responsibility for them nor did she attempt to discipline them.

 

Now those kids are adults and she gets on with them very well.

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Its hard when kids are involved but ultimately, that kid will grow up and you'll still have to deal with your relationship. So besides the kid thing, would you be willing to stay and make it work? AND, is the problem KIDS period, or just his kid. That can be another make it or break it because if he wants more, and you don't...that will be another issue.

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I just think I jumped the gun on the whole thing. The kid could get his own thread altogether... It's not just the kid, it's the feeling I have. Does it sound stupid to get an annulment and "start over?" We didn't even really have a first date or anything and I feel like we went from making out to married without all the important things in between.

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I just think I jumped the gun on the whole thing. The kid could get his own thread altogether... It's not just the kid, it's the feeling I have. Does it sound stupid to get an annulment and "start over?" We didn't even really have a first date or anything and I feel like we went from making out to married without all the important things in between.
If you both think it worthwhile then do it. Seems fairly pointless to me but I am not one of you. But just be aware that your husband may take it badly and walk away from you.
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