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I dont even know what to say


beerock

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I am just filled with heartache. valentines day is around the corner and its the day last year my ex wanted to"take it to the next level"(get married)

 

I want to send a card but from what everyone says on the forums its not the right thing to do. Ive made all the mistakes of sending letters and flowers which just pushed her further away. I am at this point where I'm scared if i do what everyone says I may lose her for good if i don't send a card. From what I've read not sending a card may spark her interest into why I havent sent her anything. I mean Ive sent her thanksgiving cards and letters. She hasnt gotten back to me. I hate feeling like not sending a card feels like a game I'm playing. It just does not feel right. I suppose its because of fear. I don;t know anymore I just know this has been going on for too long and I am exhausted.

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I want to send a card but from what everyone says on the forums its not the right thing to do. QUOTE]

 

Don't listen to what people tell you. Everything people adivise is just that! ADVICE! You listen to what you want, then decide based on other views what YOU decide to do. If you feel like sending her a card, send her a card! Whether she appreciates the effort spent in the store reading all of them, finding the right one, writing her name and address on the envelope, mailing it off, and recieving....that is not certain. Do what your heart AND head tell you.

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Do whatever you want, just be ready to face the fact that she will once again ignore the gesture. If you're willing to put yourself through that again, then okay. For your own well being, I think it's a bad idea. You keep setting yourself up and it's not helping you heal. You need to start finding your own happiness away from her. I'm sorry you're hurting, but it's time to start moving on.

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I mean Ive sent her thanksgiving cards and letters. She hasnt gotten back to me. I hate feeling like not sending a card feels like a game I'm playing. It just does not feel right.

 

You've sent her cards that she has not acknowledged or responded to?

I don't see not sending her Valentine's card as game-playing, I see it as you getting the message that she has been sending you (via her silence).

You aren't a couple, you haven't been getting any encouragement from her...and so I think it would be inappropriate.

 

From her point of view, it might actually be frustrating - as in "when is he going to give up?".

 

I'm sorry to be blunt, but sending the card won't bring her closer to you, and although it (initially) might make you feel like you're doing the right thing....I think that long-term, it will be something that you regret.

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dude, I wouldn't bother. I know you want to but you'll feel bad when you get no response. Sounds like you keep bangin your head up against the same brick wall waiting for a different result. SO why not try something else. I say don't do it. She'll be surprised you didn't and wonder why. You need to go into NC for awhile. If she truly loves she'll be back if not you'll be over it in time. It's hard for all of us but we all need to learn to accept the fact that we might not ever hear from our exs again. Just hate to see you put yourself thru the pain all the time by doing this to yourself. Focus on you and yourself for awhile instead of her.

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I had spoke to a guy I see on job sites. He had said there is a difference from getting a reply and getting a response. Just because she doesn't reply does not mean she has not responded to the letters and flowers themselves. My ex's daughter had verified a response when she told me that my ex had kept all the letters and put the flowers on display at there dinner table.

 

Regardless if she "responded" she hasn't taken any action(replied somehow)

 

this co worker went on to say kindness is not measureable and is always good, and blah blah blah. He really twisted my head up saying this stuff to me.

 

However because of what I have read on the forums and the lack of a reply from my ex I choose to not send her anything. I feel I have built up a strong consistency of sending letters flowers and gifts. Up until I initiated NC in late december and have not sent anything etc. There is a good chance she will be scratching her head wondering why I havent sent anything. since I have been so consistent.

 

To me though NOT doing things is like playing a game to me, however doing things the way I wanted to have not helped. If this is what it takes to raise her curiosity so be it.

 

I have been working on myself for the past 5 months and I have done what needed to be done to alleviate the main issue between my ex and I and that was being stable. One thing I could do for my self is start working out a bit. Alll this stress has made me very skinny. That may be a bad thing but it's a perfect body to start working out on to build nice cut muscles! Last night I did my first steps towards this by doing some push ups

 

I think I already have her wondering because of a blocked call I received last tuesday and heard her daughter in the distance. I think the NC is making her wonder, "why hasnt he called".

 

When we first broke up a long time ago I constantly called to no avail. then one day a few months later her cell # was changed. I had her home phone but never used it. This was the point where I gave up. A month or so later I get a call and hear my ex on the other line going, " NO NO NOOO" like she dialed my number by accident. I had called back and was like HI and she was like yea hi, she acted like she didnt do it on purpose and not to call her, she really did it so i had her number. once i had the new number though I didnt call it. I started to receive calls from her and we ended up getting back together.

 

I should have learned from the past that when I was not bothering her it raised her interest and I got her back. I believe all th things i sent her has built up a good amount of momentum and now that i have stopped everything and initiated NC I'm sure she is wondering.

 

This hanging up of phone calls and lack of replying is coming from a girl that on the day of our argument and anding of the relationship had sadly said "I would be a good wife to you" I doubt any woman that says that even at the end of a relationship will just walk away. Especially when her entire family loved me and the two of us worked really great with her two kids and got them in line.

 

SO I will work out and concentrate on myself and my progress with life with me.

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The issue is not what you do or don't do, it's *why* you do (or don't) do it. If your actions are geared toward eliciting a response then they are not altruistic and just dig you deeper into your attachment. It is only when you can let go of the outcome that you can truly do (or not do) something from the heart.

 

So, if you want to send a Valentine's day card, then do it... as long as your intent is to send a Valentine's day card. However, if your intent is different, then you really need to question your own motivations.

 

I can say though that I don't think I would send a Valentine's day card to someone I was not in a relationship with. Certain things should be reserved for certain people and situations. If you send cards to your ex on valentine's day, what do you do when you are with someone?

 

(and just a note on what she said in your last paragraph, I never take things said in the midst of a break up too seriously... in fact, I have found that it is often shortly prior to the breakup that people tend to say the things that would lead one to believe that the relationship will be forever, just to have it all thrown out the window. You can only judge by actions.. not words.)

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Well, me and my ex have barely been in contact for about a month n a half, i decided to send just a tiny something with a small note to let her know ill be thinkn of her on valentines day, nothing romantic or anything trying to point her back in my direction coz i know we wouldnt get back anytime soon,

 

but just a little something to show im a half decent guy n thinkin of her,

 

whats valentines day without telling the person you care about most to have a happy valentines day...

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SO I will work out and concentrate on myself and my progress with life with me.

 

I think that's a great plan beerock.

I also believe that you did the right thing in not sending a card for Valentine's Day. Not because of any interest of hers that it may peak, but because I think that making gestures like this wasn't allowing you to heal at all.

 

If you'd sent a card for Valentine's Day....then you're looking at sending one for Easter....and then July 4th...etc etc. There had to come a point where you said "Enough", and I'm happy for you that you've done it sooner rather than later.

 

Hang in there bud. Whatever happens, you are on your way to a much better frame of mine.

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140+ Cute Love Messages For Him Fro...
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